1:59 PM, Sunday, December 31st, 2005:
Man that title isn't kidding. Nevermind it's techincally the longest year (5 entries more than the 100 in 2000), but the sheer amount of things that transpired in 2005 is jaw-dropping.  The ups and downs, the trips, the songs, easily the best year to be a "reader" of The Journey since 2001. Putting together the year-end DVD has been incredibly difficult (and still not finished). How do I even BEGIN this entry.
Let's be honest, if you're following "The Journey" to watch someone "Get Famous" as many were when I came out here in 2000, you were sorely disappointed this year. LOL. Other than the infamy of "Leaderless State" and "We Walk Today" in the protest world, this year was about as nonexistent as... well the past 3 years.
Amazingly, one variable determined nearly EVERY EVENT of the year, and that was me making a year's worth of money in 6 weeks. That's what lead me to reconsider things with Jess, lead me to take trips to Tokyo, New York, DC, and what lead me to take off a good 5 months of the year to just decompress. It's a position I have never been in, and honestly - no one I've ever known has been in that position. I was not only "not hand-to-mouth" I could look 6 months down the road and be fine. I could take a week and go to a war protest in DC and not think twice about it. It changed EVERYTHING. In some respects, I've never had a better year in my 30 years on this planet. I found out I LOVED to travel. Because I've been so career-oriented since 13 years old, I've never allowed myself the "privledge" of even THINKING about travelling...now I could - and it was awesome.
In a bittersweet way, that's also what the divorce allowed me. There's no way with Jessica's schedule I ever could've gone to North Carolina, Columbus twice, Tokyo, Washington DC and New York City - hell pulling off even ONE of those would've been a nightmare. Bottom line - I took full advantage of being single and having some money and I didn't waste it. Simply the entries created druing those trips were worth every penny. I was so inspired this year. 45 songs? HUH? 105 Entries? 22 take-offs and landings? Unbelieveable.
Ironically both Jess and I found significant others at the same time, and both were serious enough to warrant living together quite quickly. Mine inspired "Smiley Girl" and hers inspired her getting her concealed carry-permit and shooting lotsa guns.
Sorry babe, I just haaaaaaaaaaad to rib you for that. HAHAHA. I'm literally laughing my fucking ass off right now. Ahem. To let you in on the inside joke, Greg is a gun salesman, and I am decidedly anti-gun. I've shot them before, it's pretty crucial you know how to shoot them and aren't afraid of them, but I just disagree with them as a "hobby" for safety reasons.
Either way, Both Greg and Cassie deserve a round of applause for unwittingly getting in the middle of the "Jess and Adam" saga. Exes are usaully not the happiest topic for a new couple and because of our circumstances, Jess and I are at times the furthest things from "exes" as anyone can even comprehend. That's what you get for loving someone enough to let them go. Grrrrr...
Career-wise, I let go. In fact in Entry #452 I said it as plain as day... I'm done, I just don't care anymore. And I feel the same now as I did then. "Making it" means nothing to me right now, and I don't know if it ever will again. I know, it begs the question:  "Then why don't you just go back to Columbus?" That answer is simple: I know in my heart that I was put on this planet to fight this fight. Just because my heart is out of it now, doesn't mean I make a decision that will erase an entire life's worth of dreams. Just because I'm not the normal "Adam" these days, doesn't mean I give up on ever finding him. No, I'm just being honest when I say I've given that up - because I just...HAVE. It's a defense mechanism. After 10 years of constant pushing my body gave out. It just stopped. My motivation CEASED and hasn't come back. I'm more motivated to get an Xbox 360 Achievement than to do almost anything these days. And whereas that does speak volumes for how cool the 360 is, it's fairly obvious that I'm not myself these days.
However, one of my songs did get on national radio, in fact I just got an email from the producer:
Hey Adam,
Happy New Year!
I’m using your song again, this time the full length. It’s closing the first segment of our best of 2005 show that will air this Sunday.
I’ve been using it as a theme song for Katrina related stories. Thanks again for sending it and contacting us!
All the best,
That really is just incredible to me that my song is considered as part of their best of 2005 show. It's these type of unbiased events that remind me, as far as my "talent" is concerned, it belongs in a big market, fighting to be seen/heard. It's my responsibility not to ignore that. That song, that I put together in about an hour while speaking COMPLETELY from my heart, moved a lot of people. I can do better, I can do more, and as long as I don't HIDE in Ohio, I will.
This year also held a meeting with Mr. Gary Helsinger that I've tried to not shine any undue light on, but it's apparent that it's going to be important. I've tried so goddamn hard to just be friends with him. We actually went out last night to see the band "Dresden Dolls" and still couldn't help but talk about goofy shit like what it was like when McDonalds didn't serve breakfast. LOL. I genuinely like the guy and have tried so hard to avoid all "career-related" things with him, but it's going to come up a lot more next year. Hell I'll get to all that fun stuff in the next entry.
For now this year is done, and it's completely kicked my ass. Good or bad, it's just been insane. I know 2006 will be different, as I no longer have that bankroll and am not real certain I can get it again with the market the way it is, but I have no choice but to try. For now, I'm still enjoying my time off and am thankful I am still here after 6 years.
But boy that number makes me feel old.
Have a safe New Year's.
PS - Just get used to it. After 4 years of doing 3-4 minute year-end videos for the site, 2004 kicked my butt and I found it an IMPOSSIBLE task to sum it all up in one short video. So for 2005 (and eventually all of the years), there will now be feature length DVDs for the year with videos and narration. Anyway, much more when it's released on the 31st...