11:52 PM, Sunday, October 10th, 2005:     I believe I've had 3 mid-life crises in my 30 years. The first would be getting fired from CD101, freakin' out and moving to LA, the second would be my absolute meltdown in the year following the split from Jess - and the third one is right around the corner...    LOL. That's the Adam freak-out face. Bwahahaha. Man cut your hair hippy. It's so funny, you can see the ends are several shades lighter (and redder) thanks to the remnants of the Trinitron 3 dye-jobs.   I have to admit - I love it at times. It's me. It's how I feel. When my hair is a mess, my clothes are dirty - and you have to make a path to my computer chair...it means I've been making some cool shit lately. Wow, could Reese Witherspoon get any hotter? GODDDDDDD. Sorry, sorry - she's on Oprah and is just... whew. Sex, E.   So where was I? Yeah, my hair. I will be cutting it finally in early December. Marshall emailed me last month saying - "Let's make a music video, I've never made one...". He has access to the most amazing film-like camera and camera lens I have ever witnessed. So this should be pretty badass. We're lookin' at shooting in about 6 weeks and the hair will be cut for the first time since 1998, for something not 4tvs related. No Trinitrons Sitcom, no Journey 4tvs show (yet, I swear to my future children it is coming...) just a music video.   The song? Of course, "Saying When". No better story to craft a video around than that...   So how you liking my stalling ability? You probably forgot that I was supposed to talk about my 3rd mid life crisis din-cha? Well, I admit - I'm slightly apprehensive about typing the words, 'cause I know how badly my heart wants it and when I commit to the site - there's no turning back. (sigh) Here we go...     I am home, here. I was home here in 1994, '95 and '96, I am home here now. This city really is every cliche those who love it spout. The streets are filled with electricity and magic... and for me it's home to the poetic start of my amazing journey. NYC is real. The weather is real, the people are real - you walk with your feet on the ground. Hell...you WALK. LOL. You don't stay in when it rains - you weather it. People are stronger in New York because they have no choice. The alternative is leaving, and many do.   Manhattan in particular is literally alive. You know why you feel safe walking around Manhattan or the subway at 2 in the morning? Because there's 40 people around you doing the same thing. 24 hours there's always something open. I mean I love the place I buy my dog food from in LA, but her sign actually says it opens at 10ish. Now as a pretty mellow guy, I do dig that sort of laid back attitude - but it is in no way inspiring.   In fact I'd venture to say I find nothing inspirational about LA the more I'm there. Where's the conflict? It's sunny every goddamn day. So much so that when it does rain, you're actually a bit uneasy. "Is something wrong? Is this El Nino? Does it mean something? Because it wasn't supposed to rain this month..."   Ha, that's exactly what happens. "Hey Cassi call your friend in Woodland Hills, see if it's raining there. This is madness. LOL"   Man even when I get to the point I stall don't I. Ok, here we go: I'm moving to NYC. I'm gonna work my ass off saving money for the next 3-4 months and I'm going to orchestrate the move to Manhattan. I believe I'll do it poetically and have my 75th month (March) be my final month in LA.   I will play it smart however, I will rent out the house and sublet an apartment in New York for a specific amount of time, 2-3 months, and although it's not the best idea to have a "Safety Net" when being "romantic" or "passionate"...once you sell a house in LA, you're done. The market has gotten so out of hand that you literally have to move out of state once you sell. It will still probably be sold but I need an "oh fuck" clause, because there are quite a few factors to deal with here...   Space and all things material. I know John Lennon said "Imagine no possessions" but he was a fucking Beatle with everything he needed or wanted as well as alllllllllllllllllll the space he could ever dream of and then some. In LA there is certainly space. I have a backyard, I have a garage that I turned into a studio I have 2 bedrooms a den a living room a dining room a kitchen - a basketball court, a friggin' campground, a car, my trailer... In Manhattan I will simply have that studio. Heh. As romantic as I am, going back once you've lived at a certain level - is nearly impossible. I would've had no problem going from Columbus to New York in the same way I went to LA...but we moved up the ladder. We got domestic. The home, the space the fun stuff...to give alllllllll that up would be a sacrifice in oh-so-many ways.     Then there's the pups. Yes this little mofo may put a serious kink in the plans. I can't take the pups to Manhattan. I know people do it, but the quality of life would be so bad. Not sure if I mentioned it before, but they have a doggie door from the kitchen to outside giving them full access to the house - and the huge backyard anytime they want. They live the life. An apartment and walks in the park just ain't gonna cut it. If either were even the tiniest bit smaller it would be feasible, but at nearly 100 pounds a piece it isn't even given a second thought.   The good thing however is, they're quite a selling point for renting the house, just ask Cassi who was quite concerned about being alone when she first got there - no one fucks with your house when you have dogs like this. They may be sweet in all the videos and if you're next to me, you're cool with them - but if you walk up to that fence? Whew. They, lose, their, shit. And so do you. Heh. Depending on how the next few months work out, it's very feasible that whomever was renting out the pad would fall in love with them the same way Cassi has and actually prefer they stay. Plan B would be taking them to Columbus where Jess's sister had said previously they would want them. And finally, the Korean restaurant on Van Nuys and Saticoy. They would be gooooooood eatin'.   ;-)     I'm schemin'. You can see it in the picture. I have a goal and direction and it's going to inspire me. If you want something bad enough, it is easily done. For me, this is the right move. For my career? Don't know, don't care. Giving that up awhile back has been nothing but wondrous for my spirit. I create because it's literally an involuntary action I have done my whole life. For The Journey? Hell yes it's the right move. Longtime readers have to be thinking: "SWEEEEET, so sick of the LA lament". It's now come down to "If you could live anywhere, where would you go..." That place is Manhattan, and it also happens to be an enormous entertainment mecca as well. You could certainly argue that I will find my niche even better there than LA. Taking a look at the past 5 entries and pictures, no one can say I don't look like I belong there.   Exhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale. I wonder if I can pull this off at Entry #500? Have my last LA entry #500. Man I'll have to slow down and pace myself for that...something I'm certainly happy to do after the DC and NY entries. So worth it though. The 3 trips this year will be the most reread entries I've ever done.     Can you believe it? Doesn't it feel right? I want to sit with this for awhile, let it soak in. I'm directly asking for feedback on this one. Lemme know what you think - throw me some advice, anything I may not have thought of would be highly appreciated. I doubt you'll be able to quelch the electricity going through my veins right now though. I can see the road ahead, and that's usually a sign that it will be mine soon.   Home is where your hat is, and I just realized I left mine (Yes, that hat) back in NY. I'm writing the second half of this from the airport in Dallas and just called Chad. Heh. He's shipping it to me. It's a sign!!!   ;-)   Adam FEEDBACK