6:14 PM, Monday, July 11th, 2005:
Recently my life has become so complicated that chronological storytelling is almost impossible. So many things coming in and out that are absolutely crucial to this journey, yet can't be told in sequence without being utterly confusing. Such is the case with this weekend's vloggercue and the connection that could very well be the "moment" I've been waiting for. The egg is now officially going to be cracked, and it's a matter of time if it will end up on my face or in my stomach.
One of the vloggers was offering a ride to the vloggercue from the valley and I gladly took that offer. As you all know from a couple entries ago, gas can be expensive. : On Friday I contacted her to make the arrangements and we proceeded to talk a bit about our expectations. I explained my reservations and she did as well, but also divulged just exactly who she was and what she was currently involved in. To say this woman had some Hollywood connections was probably the understatement of the millennium. She had gotten famous selling eyewear to celebrities and it's not a longshot to say she provided the most memorable glasses to every damn movie and TV show for a 10 year period in the 80s and 90s and made millions. She is currently putting together a reality TV series that would find unknown talent trying to make it in LA, provide the contacts for them to do so, and then have viewers bet on who they thought would "make it".
It actually "shook me" to hear what she said. She went on to say she was looking for "hard working, determined people that had all the talent, just never had the connections to make it". Again, it's hard to ignore it when someone nails what you've felt is your missing link so succinctly. At the time however, I knew nothing of her famous past and tried my best to "be cool". I went back, looked her up online and proceeded to get excited. I emailed her my site and so forth and it wasn't but 20 minutes later that she found me at work and said: "I'm making you my personal project…I've never seen someone with so much range…you're gonna be a star."
I'd like to say that I let it roll off my back. I'd like to say that hearing the words "you're gonna be a star" actually made me react negatively as it's the most clichéd thing you can hear… but I have to be honest. In the 20 minutes I was looking her up before her call, the excitement in me continued to build. It was the excitement of mixing my last management experience with Charlotte and adding in actual experience and connections. What if Charlotte had these connections? What could have happened?
Of course for her to actually call and say all that hit me hard. An absolute wave of emotion took over as 5 ½ years of struggle started to just weigh on me. I had no idea how badly I needed to hear this. I'd really hidden that need for the past year choosing to concentrate on all the other struggles in life. My mind reeled. It's never been a question of being good enough - simply the CONNECTIONS to get someone to see my talents. That's it. And from what I had just read about her and from talking to her, this person could EASILY do that. Even without the project she was working on - here was someone who could at least get me in front of some incredible managers, agents and very important people in the industry.
The day was obviously shot. I had to excuse myself from work for 30 minutes, walk around, try desperately to not just weep. I know I'm painting a pretty pathetic picture of myself, but it's the honest-to-GOD truth. I was tearing up at every turn of the hallway just amazed at how much I needed this. It was the vindication for all I had sacrificed. I wanted to SCREAM. RUN. YELL. I knew I was jumping the gun, I knew I was counting my chickens but goddamnit I haven't been able to count poultry in literally, LITERALLY, 4 years. Of course the hours passed, I calmed down, and entered pessimistic mode fairly quickly. Unfortunately not before calling my dad and getting him all riled up - LOL. I looked forward to the long ride to the vloggercue and dissecting this enigma that had just swept me away.
Instead of boring you with all my thoughts at each stage of the day, I'll just give you my final impression:. This woman can legitimately help me. I have no doubt that I could quickly be in front of some incredibly powerful people in the industry, and at least have a moment to showcase my talents. The question of course still remains, which talents to pursue. My biggest dream at this point would be to talk to a legitimate manager who can assess talent at the drop of a hat. I fully expect anyone in the industry worth a grain of salt to be able to look at all of my talents and cross out all but one in a span of 5 minutes:
"Sorry kid, but your songwriting and singing ability far outweighs your acting and performing skill…let's do this"
"Your overdramatic songs would depress a major league mascot, but you're funny as shit - we should try pushing you for a writing gig for the _____ show and then see where your other comedic talents land you."
And that has always been my biggest obstacle. I personally have NO business making that decision as I don't know the industry for shit. I have to follow someone's advice on this. And, I don't really mind following someone's advice on this, 'cause it has nothing to do with my art. Artistically I'll always be happy because of the outlet this site affords me. "Making It" is an entirely different endeavor.
Now obviously the show this lady (we'll call her shades) is producing is more than perfect. It's as if someone saw my situation, made a show around explicitly helping me - and then made it a competition. But of course that could be months, even years in the making. The true "break" here is how well we got along. So many little coincidences: We're both from Ohio; Her daughter actually worked for Jess at Panera bread. !?!?; Shades was divorced twice before 30; We're both insanely determined and hard-working. We laughed at our similarities of manic video-editing binges going 14+ hours at a time and our partners being annoyed. (I have to say however, Jess was always quite understanding of these times even if slightly annoyed). Basically, we genuinely seemed to have so much in common that it went beyond most people you meet in your day-to-day life. It all comes down to me sitting her down, and showing her that I'm worth the time to help. We've planned to meet this Wednesday at 7 PM wherein, laptop in hand, I will do my damndest to present the myriad of avenues I think I could legitimately pursue…
…and what happens next of course is what "The Journey" has been about since the turn of the century: Hope.