- 9:37 PM, Thursday,
July 7th 2005:
-
- I just
am.
-
- I am so utterly
embarrassed by the following instant message I can't
stop shaking my head. How could I have been so stupid.
This is from today, I IM'd the infamous Alaur
something along the lines of "Wow, Paris really WAS
pissed about losing the Olympics…" and we got to
talking about work. We've talked maybe 2-3 times in
the past 3 months online for no more than a few
seconds. Anyway, I was telling her that there's money
to be made as a loan officer (she's already in the
mortgage industry)...
-
-
- Minialaur:
no experience though
- AdamBeWorkin:
yeah
- AdamBeWorkin:
but you can parlay your
experience
- AdamBeWorkin:
in what you're doing
now
- Minialaur:
ya, that's true...
- AdamBeWorkin:
and bullshit your way into any
situation
- AdamBeWorkin:
a reference and a pretty face will get
you everywhere
- AdamBeWorkin:
it's so stupid
- Minialaur:
ya, I can be master
bullshitter
- Minialaur:
lol
- AdamBeWorkin:
speaking of that...
- Minialaur:
it would still be a drive,
though...
- AdamBeWorkin:
take no offense to
this...
- Minialaur:
yes?
- AdamBeWorkin:
how's the relationship
going?
- Minialaur:
oooh, that's going
great...
- Minialaur:
we just remodeled the
house
- AdamBeWorkin:
LOL
- AdamBeWorkin:
was that a joke?
- Minialaur:
work is my major downer
- Minialaur:
lol
- Minialaur:
no, serious!
- Minialaur:
we've been so consumed with the
house
- AdamBeWorkin:
i ask how your marriage is and you say
the house is remodeled?
- AdamBeWorkin:
lol
- Minialaur:
it hasn't given us time to get on each
other's nerves or whatever!
lol
- AdamBeWorkin:
that's the most unintentionally funny
thing you've ever said
- Minialaur:
in all honesty, my marriage is going
well..
- Minialaur:
we got through some rough
patches..
- Minialaur:
those sort of things
happen
- Minialaur:
sure it won't be the last
time...
- AdamBeWorkin:
(sigh)
- AdamBeWorkin:
that's all i can do...
- Minialaur:
it just makes your relationship
stronger...
- Minialaur:
once u go through things and at the end
realize...
- AdamBeWorkin:
you really don't want to talk to me
about this...
- Minialaur:
that you still love this person more
than anyone/thing..
- Minialaur:
how's jessica?
- AdamBeWorkin:
pretty lonely
- Minialaur:
really?
- AdamBeWorkin:
yeah
- Minialaur:
whens the last time u
spoke?
- AdamBeWorkin:
we speak pretty much
everyday
- Minialaur:
ehhh...
- Minialaur:
how are you about things w/
her?
- AdamBeWorkin:
i feel for her
- AdamBeWorkin:
but...
- AdamBeWorkin:
i can't solve the
problem
- Minialaur:
you live and learn thru
experiences...
- Minialaur:
maybe in time she will figure out what
she truly wants
- Minialaur:
I dont think anyone ever truly
knows...
- Minialaur:
but you have to make the best of each
day and live your
life...
- AdamBeWorkin:
i can't wait to talk to you a month
before your 30th
birthday
- Minialaur:
I'm sure I'll be even different
then...
- Minialaur:
the 20's are a trying
time
- Minialaur:
I'm not using age as an excuse,
but...
- Minialaur:
every year I learn something new about
myself!
- Minialaur:
hell, I'll be 28 in a few
months!
- AdamBeWorkin:
******, it's like you don't even
remember who you're talking
to...
- Minialaur:
I do, I do...we talked many, many
times...
- Minialaur:
about these exact
things..
- AdamBeWorkin:
avoidance is easy in your
20s
- AdamBeWorkin:
i hope it isn't easy in your
30s
- AdamBeWorkin:
for your sake...
- Minialaur:
avoidance of..?
- AdamBeWorkin:
?
- Minialaur:
I'm just an indeciscive person...one
day I want this, next month -
that...
- Minialaur:
my dad is 54 and STILL doesn't know
what he wants...
- AdamBeWorkin:
everyone's indecisive about
that
- Minialaur:
damn those Dutch genes!
- Minialaur:
LOL
- AdamBeWorkin:
but there's some universal truths that
you know now...
- AdamBeWorkin:
that are far easier to
avoid
- AdamBeWorkin:
than to actually face
- Minialaur:
ain't that the truth!
- AdamBeWorkin:
(sigh)
- AdamBeWorkin:
your situation literally stresses me
out beyond belief
- AdamBeWorkin:
lol
- AdamBeWorkin:
like I'm completely tense right now and
need to go walk to
lunch
- Minialaur:
lol
- Minialaur:
you're so cute
- Minialaur:
I'm actually hungry
too!
- Minialaur:
time for food!
|
|
- So again, I
reiterate. I'm the stupidest person alive. My lack of
judgement with Minialaur is so incredible to me…I
just wish I could ERASE it from the Journey. I mean
Palaur at least had some intrigue - hell I was young
enough to be fooled. But again? Pushing 30? I'm
retarded. I'm literally retarded. How could I have
ever fallen for that. The thought of her now literally
turns my stomach. She's absolutely the girl I sang
about in "Much Simpler Now".
-
- Hell I can't be
too hard on myself honestly as it was soooooooooo
quick. I gave a small window of opportunity and shut
it about as quickly as could be expected. Granted, I
could've never opened it in the first place…but
I'm a stupid romantic at heart who can never douse the
flames of potential. Whatever Adam, you're just fuckin
stupid sometimes. LOL.
-
- And now that I've
successfully bored most newcomers to this journal with
a sideline to a story that you could only understand
if you read 7 entries 3 months ago I can talk about
the other reason I'm really stupid in realitve
privateness…
-
- …so I google
video blogging last weekend and find all sorts of
groups and sites for these vlogs just like mine! Well,
not exactly - but moreso than I thought. I join a
yahoo vlogging group and proceed to get schooled in
why I must have a feed for my journal or no one will
give me the time of day. A feed is basically a tool
that allows people that follow multiple blogs to open
one program and be shown immediately when and if the
blogs have updated so they don't waste their time
randomly checking sites. Pretty nifty actually. And
for videoblogs - it will even download the video for
them so it's ready right away. In today's world of
streaming media - I don't really see why this is a big
deal unless you're on dial-up…and of course then
why the fuck are you trying to view video blogs?
-
- Now, I've said it
a few times (hell it's even on my opening journey
page) - I hate damn near everything about blogs. First
off, the lay-out is justso bad in every blog I've ever
seen that you can barely get through an entry. The
organization for their archived stuff is absolutely
horrendous and you can't really skim through a period
of time and get a feel for what it is you're taking
in. Why is it like this? Because no one wants to take
the time to learn how to make their own layouts - they
just use a template that's easier for them and never
really think of those actually reading. For example,
you can look at any month on my site, let's take last
month's,
and there's nice big titles, pictures and it all
pretty much fits on one page without a lot of
scrolling. You can see the whole month (unless I went
crazy like April and May) and click on what looks
interesting. You can just watch the video on the right
or you can skim the entry…there are 6 years that
are organized so efficiently that you can easily click
through the months and it's actually inviting to the
reader. I mean seriously:
-
 -
- A complete
stranger to the site can look at that and go…
"Hmm - I wonder what's behind that picture" I'm at
least trying to make a somewhat attractive site.
There's pictures within that are designed around the
reader's EASE of viewing them and of course a video.
An actual edited video. Not always with effects or
whatnot, but something that has been cut down to size
and compressed for the ease of the viewer. Now, I'm
not arrogant enough to say my content is so riveting
that the world must pay attention - but by all means I
give it every opportunity to be entertaining and I'm
obviously very, very committed to what will keep a
reader interested.
-
- I just don't see
that with other blogs/vlogs. I mean I literally
watched a 3 minute long video of a guy going to a
grocery store to get food for a 4th of July cookout.
?!?! And I don't fault the guy who did it - he's just
following the lead of other blogs and he's right in
line! He has the same cookie-cutter layout, the same
frame capture of the video for his link to the .mov,
and it looks and feels like every other "successful"
vlog out there. So I'm sure he's satisfied, but if no
one wants to read/view it - what's the point of it
being online?
-
- To the point
Kontras…
-
- Well I'm now part
of this community. All the way to going to a
"vloggercue" on Saturday up in Ojai, California with
other vloggers on the west coast. I still haven't the
slightest idea what this is, but I believe something
is going to be broadcast on the net and basically the
community gets together to talk about the whole
growing phenomenon and what they can do to help it
grow. And as you can see, I'm a bit torn here. It's
much like the way I felt when I joined the improv
group in '02. How do you participate in something you
don't believe in? I mean I'm sure the get together
will be fun, and we all have common interests
obviously (video, web, computers) but in the end if
I'm going to be part of something, a community, I have
to believe in what we're doing. Whenever you join a
group there has to be a mutual respect. And goddamn, I
know it comes off as arrogant, but I'm just trying to
be honest when I say I don't enjoy blogs or vlogs. In
fact it's that actual DISLIKE that makes me so
critical of mine, and determined to not fall into the
same traps.
-
- The positive spin
in all of this is maybe I can help influence some
people to change the way they do their blogs. To think
more of the person reading. I mean they are obviously
investing time into the project, I'm sure they want to
make it as good as possible. But is that too assuming
of me? Who am I to tell all these people what to do?
Blogging has gotten worldwide media attention without
the help of Mr. Adam Kontras, so they obviously don't
need a thing.
-
- I guess we'll see
what happens on Saturday. Although, I fully expect the
guy running the thing in Ojai to read this and
UNinvite my ass and kick me out of the group - LOL.
Please know that I just want to be part of something I
sincerely believe in and I can't fake it. Everyone in
the group seems so happy and they're all following 20
blogs in their "feed readers" and just love it. I just
don't think I can be that guy, you know? And I find it
arrogant to expect people to read mine if I won't read
theirs, so I'm not sure how this will all work
out.
-
- Man, if I don't
lock this, there's no way in hell I'm going to be able
to go on Saturday. LOL. Hate to do this all covert and
shit, but this puppy ain't gonna be public until
Sunday…
-
- Adam
-
- PS - I guess I'm
just subconsciously trying to alienate myself from
this group, 'cause I got an idea for a vlog spoof
and just couldn't resist. Enjoy what may be my first
and last video as a member of a vlogging group.
LOL.
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