- 11:15 PM, Tuesday,
April 26th 2005:
-
- I’m a bit
slap-happy at this point. That should explain the
video.
And yet another locked fucking entry.
-
- Well my weekend in
North Carolina was now officially fucked. I was in
such a daze and couldn’t go 10 seconds without
thinking about how fucked up everything was. Feeling
bad for the wife, wanting to spit on Jess, and oh yeah
– Alaur? That woman you’re so madly in love
with? She’s being perfect through all this and
telling the truth and dealing with her shit. Taking
time to call on Friday night and being incredibly
loving. Yet I had to force myself to not feel attached
to her because SHE was married and we were doing the
RIGHT thing by being completely separate while she
works through this. Sure sucks having integrity. I
avoided calling Jess all weekend and got information
about stuff through the wife. It’s amazing the
lies Moe is still spreading even though he KNOWS the
wife and I talked.
-
- But wait, it gets
so much better. How ‘bout I tell you that
there’s still more lies from Jess! I get dropped
off on Monday 4 hours early for my flight and although
I’ve been strong for 4 days, I knew there was no
way I would not call Jess in this state of boredom. So
I call, leave a message she calls back an hour later.
She’s obviously crying, incredibly sad – I
am stone cold at this point. I am amazed that she
could lie to me continuously or make me BEG for the
truth and only answer when confronted exactly? Like
the Toledo thing – nothing happened…but did
they kiss? Well yes. (sigh) SO MUST I RUN DOWN
POSITIONS? What is your goddamn definition of
“nothing”? What are you hiding? I was just
sick of it. I had nothing to say. The conversation
ended poorly but to be expected. I had nothing to say
and was sick at the thought of her.
-
- I then get drunk
with a girl on the plane and start to feel good about
shit again. Had a blast, it was very fun. Is there
more to that story? Of course! But I'll give that it's
own entry. Anyway, as my second plane of the day is
about to take off to Burbank I call Jess and just say
I was sorry for berating her, it’s accomplishing
nothing. I call her when I get into Burbank and are
you ready for this? She was lying to me about Toledo
and another incident she swore was just platonic up
and down all day Thursday and for the week previous.
And did she just come clean and tell me? No I had to
ask her and basically pull teeth. She just lied to my
face until I asked her specifically. I was so fucking
angry…GODDAMN. It’s never ending. All she
could say was she was sorry and I just didn’t
give a shit. I hung up last night night completely
wiped out.
-
- I talked to the
wife today and found out that not only is she an avid
reader, so is Moe. Of course Jess now has a renewed
interest – and well I just WRITE the damn thing.
My life is hitting heights of surreality that I never
dreamed. But I have to say, I expect much
more. So I figured I’d say hello to everyone.
Maybe we can all vacation together at Disneyworld.
I’ll pay for EVERYONE as long as I can tape our
first dinner and post it on the site. Who
wouldn’t pay to watch THAT meal?!?! I think I'm
losing my mind. I actually think that would be
funny as shit and I actually think I'd go through
with it if I could make a DVD. I'm so
twisted.
-
- Yes, I’m
dumbstruck right now. There aren’t words to
describe how betrayed I feel and how badly I just want
someone to be honest with me. The fact that she
continued to lie AFTER I confronted her – and
AFTER the email, and AFTER my call yesterday – I
mean what the fuck. JUST COME CLEAN. Because everytime
I have to fucking paint you into a corner – your
admission then is useless. Ugh who cares. They
completely deserve each other. I seriously wish this
could be unlocked. This is such an incredible story.
But this has to be the worst written entry ever.
I’m just all over the place. I can’t
remember a time when I was more lost. And I feel
I’ve completely put a wedge between Alaur and I
because now I’m this insanely needy person who
will come off as such to her and that’s the last
thing she needs. How will she ever do
this...
-
- I love this video
though. I have to admit that in the years to come
I’ll look back at this as one my favorite ones.
Everyone thinks they’re looking in on my secret
thoughts in this isolated little site and now I just
look at them and say surprise – I SEE YOU. I KNOW
YOU’RE WATCHING ME. HOW YA DOIN? HAVIN FUN?
Wonderin’ what will happen next? Find it a little
crazy that EVERYTHING you do is affecting some random
website?!?!?!
-
- Classic. It's
funny, I write this entry with a
"Writer" hat - so I look at the video and
think: "Oh dear, Adam really has lost his mind."
Believe me, that video could have been a
LOT worse.
-
- ;-)
-
- Adam
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