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locked until
04.30.05 &
YouTube
link added
12.24.07
9:44 PM, Tuesday,
April 19th 2005:
The
next morning I prepared for our
"meeting". We were going to have lunch in
the afternoon before she went back home. I
had to ask her about the whole
"gypsy" thing. I wanted to come
to some sort of compromise - and honestly,
if there wasn't a compromise, we were
fooling ourselves. So I do the
conversation back and forth in my head and
it forces me to really re-evaluate
everything. In fact, this should be an
entire entry or even two by itself. Fuck
it - I won't hide this in these
locekd entries - suffice to say in trying
to prove my side, I ended up
redefining my side. It was a pretty
exciting moment (see next
entry).
So the lunch at
CPK was very exciting - I told her all this stuff and
was in a great mood. She really wanted to see The
Trinitrons so we went back to my place before she had
to go...ho...m..e....
It seemed innocent
people. But it never fails. We're a foot in the door
and we attack each other. I just can't get
CLOSE enough to her. It's the greatest feeling
and completely mutual. So we had an amazing couple of
hours that flew by and there were some incredible
moments. She asked me if I loved her while we
were embracing and it almost made me cry. The reason
is strange. I looked in her eyes and it felt like
she NEEDED to hear me say it. That touched me. Fuck
the almost - I teared up bad. It's that
overwhelming feeling that she needs me and is almost
afraid to let me know how bad she does. And then of
course the moment came and she said point-blank,
unabashedly: "I love you". She said she knew it was so
soon, but there were no other words. She felt it
completely. She was absolutely scared to say it
because of what it meant.
Whew. The moment
wasn't ruined by me defining what it meant,
I just tried my best to enjoy the closeness
I felt. It was another beautiful day as we said
before - it just keeps getting more
intense.
I drove in
the slow lane on the freeway on my way back to drop
her off. Not even sure if she noticed. LOL. She hugged
me and knew this was the moment of no return. She knew
her feellings, she knew she was going to be telling
her husband and she even called me when she got in her
car. Reassuring me again. And here we
are...
In my heart of
hearts I can only hope. My brain has told me all along
that this would end like Palaur, but this sure moved a
lot faster than Palaur did. She seems much stronger,
much more mature, and really sees the potential in a
real relationship - not a superficial one. But
time will tell. I mean if it all blows up in my
face I really only gave this what, 2 weeks? An
exasperating 2 weeks, but 2 weeks
nonetheless.
The fact that she
called me when she was in the car to re-assure me
gives me hope that she gets this. We're not gonna
contact each other during this time (sound familiar
Palaur fans?) and it's now up to her...
...but you know
I had to at least write a song
to try and communicate. COME ON. Heh.
I can't let it go that easy. And Shizzle, damn
dawg let a brotha sing! Heh. He's such a show-off. I'm
convinced he knows he's being filmed.
