locked until 04.30.05 

 

8:50 PM, Wednesday, April 13th 2005:   The following two back to back days are classic Palaur legend rolled into the quickest amount of time. I  mean I must admit, this one sure doesn't fuck around does it?   So we talked Monday night and Tuesday morning. It was beautiful and loving. Nothing I liked better than hearing her as I went to sleep and hearing her as I awoke. It looked like we'd finally have the lunch we had tried to set-up for days the previous week:     Palauragain: hey! Adambeworkin: i know i know Adambeworkin: lol Adambeworkin: goddamn piano tuner was an hour late Adambeworkin: couldn't work out Adambeworkin: and was late for work Palauragain: haha Adambeworkin: and he didnt fix DICK Palauragain: after all that?? Adambeworkin: grrrrr Adambeworkin: yeah Adambeworkin: please tell me you have pleasant news Adambeworkin: Palauragain: 'pleasant'? Palauragain: haha Palauragain: hmmmm Adambeworkin: as in the opposite of Adambeworkin: i'm not eating today Adambeworkin: so you'll never see me again Adambeworkin: lol Adambeworkin: :-) Adambeworkin: ;-) Adambeworkin: :-8 Adambeworkin: hmmm - i need more quizical faces Adambeworkin: :-/ Adambeworkin: ======D~~~ Adambeworkin: now ya see, that there is what we did back in the day - to make the girls go "ewww" Adambeworkin: ;-) Palauragain: sorry...damn Palauragain: people are CRAZY Palauragain: men in particular Adambeworkin: watch it Adambeworkin: i've been told i'm a man Palauragain: man...so....last night at the gym... Palauragain: this guy who I see almost all the time Palauragain: came over Palauragain: started talking Palauragain: introduced himself blah blah Palauragain: I was nice, shook his hand, said 'hello' and went back to my workout Adambeworkin: right Palauragain: he proceeded to ask what I did for a living, blah blah... Palauragain: I said I work in commercial real estate Palauragain: and my name was Alaur Palauragain: THATS IT! Palauragain: so... Adambeworkin: well you obviously tried to fuck him Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: I get a call right now! Palauragain: shut up!!! Palauragain: he tracked me down.......!!!!!!!! Palauragain: called the receptionist Adambeworkin: wait Adambeworkin: that's scary as fuck Palauragain: she transferred his cal lto me Adambeworkin: he should at least wait until he sees you again Adambeworkin: and ask for your # Palauragain: I answered "This is *****" Adambeworkin: christ Palauragain: NO SHIT!!! Palauragain: he said "Hi, this is ****, remember me?" Palauragain: I was sooo caught off guard Palauragain: I didnt know who it was at first Palauragain: then he said "from the gym...:" Adambeworkin: wow - was that just right now Palauragain: I DIDNT EVEN TELL HIM THE NAME OF MY COMPANY!! Palauragain: HOW THE FUCK DID HE TRACK ME DOWN??? Adambeworkin: wow - it must be a sign Adambeworkin: go for it Adambeworkin: lololololol Adambeworkin: what did you tell him? Palauragain: Call EVERY SINGLE real estate comapny in West LA??!?! Palauragain: lol Palauragain: and ask for a "Alaur"!?!?!? Palauragain: I know I laugh now..but thats kinda weird Adambeworkin: KINDA? Adambeworkin: so what did you say? Palauragain: said he wanted to 'take me for coffee and talk business' Palauragain: I said "I really dont know my schedule right now, I'll have to get back with you' Palauragain: He said "Ok, see you at the gym" Adambeworkin: you should have said - if i wanted you to call me i would have given you my number Adambeworkin: CLICK Palauragain: lol Palauragain: No shit! Adambeworkin: but, well - i might be a bit biased Palauragain: I was just completely caught OFF GUARD Adambeworkin: i mean, that's pretty stupid aggressive Adambeworkin: i've walked that thin line of stalker in my day Adambeworkin: but you don't track someone down Adambeworkin: who didn't give you their # Adambeworkin: and expect them to be anything but freaked out Palauragain: no kidding..not the best impression to make right off Palauragain: usually I work out with my friend ***** Adambeworkin: yeah - but he got you when you're thinking about business opportunities Palauragain: so guys leave me alone Adambeworkin: ahh Adambeworkin: good call Palauragain: but last night I worked out alone Palauragain: so...I guess I was fair game? Palauragain: lol Adambeworkin: is that why you were so late?!?!!?! Adambeworkin: Palauragain: lol Palauragain: shooooosh! Adambeworkin: .... Adambeworkin: so... Palauragain: I just told ***** Adambeworkin: still there? Palauragain: ya, he's giving me 'advice' on the situation... Adambeworkin: <rolling eyes> Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: hehe Adambeworkin: $10 it involves him Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: hahahaaha Adambeworkin: gimme an eta on lunch babe Palauragain: man, I really need GIRLfriends.... Adambeworkin: that was my advicec Palauragain: my 'guy buddies' are waaaaay too biased on their opinions Palauragain: lol Adambeworkin: but i thought i'd let you figure that out Palauragain: know any cool girls my age? Palauragain: heh Adambeworkin: ... Palauragain: is that a no'? Palauragain: you must work with alot of chicks Adambeworkin: scroll up Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: I don't Adambeworkin: eta on lunch Adambeworkin: lol Adambeworkin: and yeah - i could help you there Palauragain: ahhhhhh Palauragain: no eta as of yet Palauragain: introduce me to cool girls? Palauragain: no younger than 26 please Palauragain: lol Palauragain: then they are downright immature Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: <not that I am miss maturity all the time> Palauragain: <Ms. Pac Man!!!> Adambeworkin: LOL Adambeworkin: what was biased about *****'s advice? Adambeworkin: i just assumed he would say you guys should work out more often Adambeworkin: lol Adambeworkin: and he was sorry he wasn't there for you Palauragain: pretty much!!! Palauragain: hahaha Adambeworkin: he'll make sure that doesn't happen again Adambeworkin: what's he look like? Palauragain: he did say next time some guy tries to hit on me at the gym... Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: he'll walk up and put his arm around me and give me a big kiss Adambeworkin: well how nice of him Palauragain: retard Palauragain: whats who look like? Adambeworkin: no i assumed that's what ***** asked Adambeworkin: about the **** guy Adambeworkin: what's he look like... Adambeworkin: so he could "run into him" Palauragain: lol Palauragain: he knows who he is Adambeworkin: oh Adambeworkin: hah Palauragain: cause **** is always there Adambeworkin: the gym is so the bar of the 21st century Palauragain: it really is.... Palauragain: I should join an all-womans gym Adambeworkin: now i'd pay to see that Adambeworkin: sorry Adambeworkin: being a boy Adambeworkin: ahem Palauragain: hee Adambeworkin: nothing worse than this morning though Adambeworkin: cute teenage girl had a crush on me as a teacher Adambeworkin: if that's not a penthouse forum waiting to happen Adambeworkin: goddaaaaaaaaaaaaamn Palauragain: hahahahhaha Adambeworkin: hey you want that link? Palauragain: what link? Adambeworkin: actually - i dont want to keep you from work Adambeworkin: cause i REALLY want to see you Adambeworkin: and have more than 15 minutes Adambeworkin: the link to that first entry about us Adambeworkin: with the first IM Adambeworkin: man are you still talkin' to jesse Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: yeah...work related this time Palauragain: lol Palauragain: send me the link Palauragain: I would love to read all that Adambeworkin: it's not gonna make you late? Adambeworkin: ok Palauragain: late? Adambeworkin: i dont want to keep you from EATING LUNCH Adambeworkin: http://4tvs.com/Journey/yearsix/entries/J402-040405.html Adambeworkin: by taking up all your time now Adambeworkin: and then you're all BUSY Adambeworkin: heh Palauragain: lol Palauragain: "pussy precedence""" Palauragain: hahaha Adambeworkin: lol Adambeworkin: rule of thumb for all men Palauragain: "And yes, some guys are pretty impressive" Palauragain: hahahah Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: "http://www.myspace.com/nowayimpostingthison4tvs.com " Palauragain: HAHAHA Adambeworkin: boy I'm just a barrel of laughs with you aren't i? Palauragain: I swear....still reading... Palauragain: "Minialaur: i'm just looking for new friends.... Minialaur: so dont get the wrong idea " Palauragain: lol Adambeworkin: heh Palauragain: "Adam4tvs: i dont want to jump around and dance " Palauragain: "At one point she actually twirled her hair while laughing – I mean was she trying to pick me up? " Palauragain: heheheh Adambeworkin: i'm reading too btw Palauragain: lol...still reading Adambeworkin: man - that's a good entry Palauragain: I am away from my computer right now. Palauragain: it really is... Palauragain: man Adambeworkin: can't wait to hear what happens next huh!??!?! Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: hee hee hee Palauragain: that's crazy Adambeworkin: what Palauragain: it's so amazing to keep a record of all your thoughts Palauragain: I'm sure you read thru the olf entries Palauragain: *old Adambeworkin: some i can Adambeworkin: some i cant Palauragain: and truly think...wow! Adambeworkin: some are so painful Palauragain: time will heal Adambeworkin: but it's a great way to learn about yourself Adambeworkin: but you knew everything i said in that entry though... right? Adambeworkin: or was it just different to see it in print? Palauragain: I knew...you told me...wild to see it in writing though Adambeworkin: well rest assured it's safe Adambeworkin: no one can read it (it was locked at the time) Adambeworkin: and obviously every name is changed Adambeworkin: i'm reading the 2nd one right now Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: 2nd one? Palauragain: hehe Adambeworkin: what do you need to do to get to lunch Adambeworkin: lol Adambeworkin: i dont want to waste all your time Adambeworkin: READING about us Adambeworkin: when we could be seeing each other Palauragain: hee Palauragain: I love reading though.... Palauragain: all your thoughts Palauragain: brb babe Adambeworkin: i feel like I'm talking to Michael Jackson Adambeworkin: hee hee Adambeworkin: OW! Palauragain: MJ?? Palauragain: how do u figure? Adambeworkin: hee hee Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: ooooh Palauragain: Adambeworkin: Palauragain: "smart" - ass Adambeworkin: i'm gonna drive you crazy here Adambeworkin: but I'm going to start driving at noon Adambeworkin: lol Adambeworkin: cause it will take 45 minutes either way Palauragain: it is noon sweetie.... Adambeworkin: oh Adambeworkin: i thought it was 11:51 Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: my comp says 11:59 Palauragain: lol Adambeworkin: my phone says 12:01 Adambeworkin: heh Palauragain: sh*t....soooo busy all the sudden Adambeworkin: (sigh) Adambeworkin: i dont want to miss you today - because it's gonna be awhile Palauragain: I got an appt! Palauragain: yipppppeeee Adambeworkin: you rule Adambeworkin: lemme guess - it's a lunch appt Adambeworkin: rofl Palauragain: not for today, silly... Adambeworkin: ;) Adambeworkin: so... Palauragain: so... <sorry, crazy busy all the sudden> Adambeworkin: k Adambeworkin: call my cell when you have a chance Adambeworkin: if there's any shot of me seeing you - i have to leave now Adambeworkin: i'll be in your neck of the woods from 1 pm - 2:30 pm Adambeworkin: ... Palauragain: sorry babe, I am really busy Palauragain: ehhhh Adambeworkin: np Adambeworkin: ehhhh? Adambeworkin: 818-***-**** Adambeworkin: those assholes will let you eat at some point Adambeworkin: lol Adambeworkin: if you REALLY can't get out from 1 pm - 2:30 pm Adambeworkin: just call me on my cell so i can turn around... Adambeworkin: cool? Palauragain: sweetie...please dont plan on me being available Palauragain: I got in later this morning Palauragain: thsi afternoon is nuts Palauragain: I'm really beginning to hate this fukken line of work.... Adambeworkin: which is exactly why i didn't want to waste your time this morning Adambeworkin: reading shit Palauragain: ? Adambeworkin: well i didn't want to waste your time Adambeworkin: so now you're all backed up Palauragain: no...I wasnt crazy busy right when I got in Palauragain: things happen in spurts Adambeworkin: oh Palauragain: I have to finish 2 proposals today Adambeworkin: so you're not gonna eat today? Adambeworkin: this is only frustrating because of the symbolism of it all Palauragain: prob walk across the street to Quiznos and bring it back to my desk Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: babe, I dont want u to drive out here Palauragain: for 5 whole MINUTES Adambeworkin: i know you dont Adambeworkin: i've gathered that Adambeworkin: it's just frustrating that you seem to have so much time every other damn day Palauragain: so much time? Adambeworkin: well yeah Adambeworkin: running errands Adambeworkin: long lunches Adambeworkin: that's why we're in this business!!! Adambeworkin: lol Palauragain: it's all WORK related Adambeworkin: i thought you said yesterday it wasn't! Palauragain: 99% of the time Palauragain: so it's cool Palauragain: yesterday it was BANK Palauragain: very important! Adambeworkin: right right Adambeworkin: they fucked you Adambeworkin: lol Adambeworkin: i swear all mortgage companies man Adambeworkin: anyway - no biggie babe Adambeworkin: i'll hit up subway or something Adambeworkin: are you sure this isn't because you're concerned someone you work with might see us? Palauragain: that really didnt cross my mind.... Palauragain: but now that u mention it.... Adambeworkin: (nice move Adam) Palauragain: hmmmmm Palauragain: they all know my husband Palauragain: might appear a little strange... Adambeworkin: there are other places to meet Adambeworkin: but it doesnt matter Adambeworkin: this was pretty much the only day Adambeworkin: really... Palauragain: :) Palauragain: not 'only....' Palauragain: brb sweetie....   Whew. I was having some difficulty with this one for sure. I just didn't...believe her. She was "away" for the rest of the day. I mean I'm sure the truth is just as feasible as a lie - but when there's all these little lies like the limiting time thing...it just plants doubt. I was pretty disgusted to tell you the truth. I left work around 4:30 pm, the earliest I think I've ever left. When I got home the moment I stepped out of my car, she called me and asked if I was gonna go back online. I said I was home and that I would...     Adam4tvs: boo Palauragain: :-) Palauragain: so... Adam4tvs: so... Palauragain: reading some more... Palauragain: from yuor site Palauragain: probably not the best idea Palauragain: I mean, some of it was borderline porn Palauragain: lol Adam4tvs: ? Adam4tvs: about us? Palauragain: oooh no Adam4tvs: so confused Palauragain: earlier entries... Adam4tvs: rather vague... Palauragain: Palaur shit..... Adam4tvs: (sigh) Palauragain: hmmm Palauragain: made me think a little Adam4tvs: ... Palauragain: just... Palauragain: made me think Palauragain: rather not discuss over IMs Adam4tvs: you dont have that option Adam4tvs: i need you to tell me the truth Palauragain: well.... Palauragain: I almost get the feeling... Palauragain: that the way u say you feel about me... Palauragain: is nothing 'special'..... Palauragain: :-\ Adam4tvs: if you want to compare when i was 21 to now, that is your right Palauragain: i'm not comparing Palauragain: just too many similarities Palauragain: kind of weirded me out Adam4tvs: you have lied to me Palauragain: ? Adam4tvs: on numerous occasions Palauragain: ?? Adam4tvs: about why you were somewhere Adam4tvs: why you couldn't be some places Palauragain: I don't understand... Palauragain: what this has to do...with what i'm saying Adam4tvs: i'm trying to make a comparison Adam4tvs: that you have had similarities to her Adam4tvs: and it hasn't made me feel different Adam4tvs: i believe we have that connection Palauragain: so I see........... Adam4tvs: but when you always tell half-truths Adam4tvs: it makes me doubt even like today Adam4tvs: because of the little lies on sunday Adam4tvs: or the thursday before Adam4tvs: that you actually didn't eat lunch today Palauragain: of course I ate Palauragain: for like 15 minutes Adam4tvs: it's just seeds of doubt Palauragain: I've been busy... Palauragain: do u really want to throw that in my face?????? Adam4tvs: Babe, i believe that Palauragain: whatever Adam4tvs: my point it - with all the little things Adam4tvs: that i've had to dig at you at Adam4tvs: like limiting time with me sunday Adam4tvs: when all you had to do was tell me the truth Adam4tvs: adn i would have been fine with it Adam4tvs: or on last thursday when you had to spend time with him Adam4tvs: which i thought was a good move Adam4tvs: yet i had to drag that out of you Palauragain: fine...I'm a LIAR Adam4tvs: you seem to not want to tell me the entire story Adam4tvs: babe - i'm only repeating what you've told me Palauragain: believe what u want Adam4tvs: am i incorrect? Adam4tvs: have you been 100% honest with me? Adam4tvs: and because 7 years ago I was in love with someone else Adam4tvs: and was HONEST then Adam4tvs: i'm somehow not treating you special? Palauragain: once again, probably not the best idea for me to read your shit Palauragain: that's all Adam4tvs: if you feel i am insincere.... Adam4tvs: i can't ... Adam4tvs: change that Adam4tvs: i've done everything i can possibly do Adam4tvs: to show you Adam4tvs: how much i care about you Palauragain: i'm not gonna be a replay of your fuckin past Palauragain: plain & simple Adam4tvs: the problem is - you are Adam4tvs: you are setting it up Adam4tvs: so you can be Adam4tvs: you're giving yourself an out Adam4tvs: right now Adam4tvs: to go back to your husband Adam4tvs: and live happily ever after Adam4tvs: because you're scared Adam4tvs: ... Adam4tvs: it seems as if you don't want to face your problems that I havef specifically brought up Adam4tvs: and if you just tarnish the thought of me enough Adam4tvs: you won't have to Adam4tvs: am i off base here? Adam4tvs: please respond Babe, i'm doing amazingly well tyring to type with how i feel right now Palauragain: i'm so confused Adam4tvs: just as it's unfair to base you off of what happened 7 years ago Adam4tvs: you need to give me the same courtesy Adam4tvs: this is 7 YEARS ago Babe Palauragain: i'm not judging you off how u acted 7 years ago Palauragain: but I can't be an EXACT replay Palauragain: down to everything! Adam4tvs: you haven't been Adam4tvs: how do you think you have? Palauragain: I read... Palauragain: enough Adam4tvs: well you obviously didn't Adam4tvs: because it takes a tangent that changes everything Adam4tvs: but are you saying because i felt the way i did about her Adam4tvs: 7 years ago... Adam4tvs: that i said the same things to you? Palauragain: I really don't know at this point...... Adam4tvs: that i thought she needed me? Adam4tvs: she did Adam4tvs: you do Adam4tvs: how can you do this to me Babe? Adam4tvs: seriously Adam4tvs: I've never lied to you Adam4tvs: ever Adam4tvs: i have never felt this before Adam4tvs: this is different Adam4tvs: you know that when you see me Adam4tvs: i know that when i see you Palauragain: I know how I feel Adam4tvs: which is... Palauragain: at the moment, very confused Adam4tvs: because you think I'm insincere Adam4tvs: since I've said similar things to someone else? Palauragain: borderline EXACT Palauragain: but... Palauragain: even though I have not been 100% honest with u about things... Palauragain: I know the way I feel towards you Adam4tvs: ... Palauragain: $!! Palauragain: :-) Palauragain: sorry... Adam4tvs: whew Adam4tvs: that was an unenjoyable 8 minutes Palauragain: :-\ Adam4tvs: Palauragain: even though I have not been 100% honest with u about things... Palauragain: I know the way I feel towards you Adam4tvs: ... Palauragain: yeah Adam4tvs: ... Adam4tvs: and what way is that? Palauragain: I have felt stronger feelings for you in the shortest amount of time....than I have with anyone Palauragain: and I just feel that... Palauragain: you develop strong feelings with almost everyone u meet...fairly quickly Adam4tvs: and because I'm an honest about that Adam4tvs: i get to never se eyou again Adam4tvs: and no, i have had 3 or 4 deep connections in my life Adam4tvs: and have made them public Adam4tvs: if they are the right people Adam4tvs: you know right away Adam4tvs: because i DONT play games Palauragain: apparently they werent the 'right' people Adam4tvs: to have connections with? Adam4tvs: of course they were Palauragain: or you would be with them now Adam4tvs: no no no Adam4tvs: my connection with jess is still there Adam4tvs: we can't be married Adam4tvs: my connection with laura would still be there Adam4tvs: but she couldnt fight the catholic church Adam4tvs: her family Adam4tvs: i mean - you're talking extraordinary situations here Palauragain: fine... Palauragain: sorry Palauragain: I'm just trying to 'figure things out' Palauragain: figure you out... Palauragain: a little better each day... Palauragain: and reading entries..... Palauragain: gives me waaaaay more insight Adam4tvs: no it doesnt Palauragain: I definetly have the upper hand where that is concerened Adam4tvs: because you're not reading what is truly public Adam4tvs: you're reading inner thoughts Adam4tvs: if i knew your inner thoughts Adam4tvs: i'd be a fucking madman Palauragain: inner thoughts that u have made 'public' Adam4tvs: because of this project called the journy Adam4tvs: *journey Palauragain: I know... Palauragain: I understand Adam4tvs: that i felt would help other people Adam4tvs: who wanted to make it Adam4tvs: see what it did to you Adam4tvs: and I'm now regretting it more than i can tell you Palauragain: no regrets Adam4tvs: ? Palauragain: it just opens my eyes up Palauragain: ...a little Adam4tvs: (sigh) Adam4tvs: you've said enough Adam4tvs: you've pretty much given yourself a reason to disregard everything i've ever said to you Adam4tvs: and from now on, you will always second guess me Adam4tvs: i am absolutely devastated that me being 100% honest Adam4tvs: will end up making me lose you Adam4tvs: but i cannot change the past Adam4tvs: you don't know the hundreds of people i meet Adam4tvs: everyday Adam4tvs: or even date Adam4tvs: that i feel nothing for Adam4tvs: so many relationships Adam4tvs: that dont get a "Website Adam4tvs: " Adam4tvs: yet you just assume I fall for people quickly Adam4tvs: and you still won't type... Palauragain: I really miss you Adam.... Adam4tvs: ????????????/ Adam4tvs: you just get through telling me you think i'm completely insincere Adam4tvs: so what do you miss? Palauragain: you Palauragain: just... Palauragain: you Adam4tvs: can you please expound? Adam4tvs: my jaw is actually open Adam4tvs: you want proof? Adam4tvs wants to directly connect.     Adam4tvs: lol Adam4tvs: nothing like beraking the moment Adam4tvs: now what are you talking abotu? Adam4tvs: didn't you just indirectly say you doubted every word i said? Palauragain: I never said I doubted Palauragain: just questioned Adam4tvs: look at this from my persepctive... Palauragain: what do u expect? Adam4tvs: i am in danger of losing the most incredible woman i've ever met Adam4tvs: because i was HONEST before? Adam4tvs: !?!??! Adam4tvs: yes - i've been in love with other people Adam4tvs: and at THE TIME Adam4tvs: thought it was the greatest person I'd ever known Adam4tvs: but as time passes Adam4tvs: and you get BUTT FUCKED by them Adam4tvs: (you did ask me if i had been the bitch didnt you? ;-) ) Adam4tvs: your ability to feel that Adam4tvs: DWINDLES Adam4tvs: it just gets chipped away Adam4tvs: and you become harder and harder Adam4tvs: so when something like this happens with us Adam4tvs: it's even more special Adam4tvs: because in the back of my mind Adam4tvs: i'm still thinking Adam4tvs: adam - you're gonna get hurt Adam4tvs: you're stupid Adam4tvs: this can't be right Adam4tvs: and throughout ALL of that Adam4tvs: and even you lying to me Adam4tvs: i still feel the way i do Adam4tvs: if you end this right now - and never speak to me again Adam4tvs: i will still feel that we have the greatest connection i've ever felt Adam4tvs: ever Adam4tvs: ever Adam4tvs: ever Palauragain: ever? Adam4tvs: (sigh) Palauragain: ;-) Adam4tvs: babe - i'm sick to my stomach Palauragain: why? Adam4tvs: why!?! Palauragain: and DAMN...thanks for posting all the soft core porn Palauragain: it helped me get thru the afternoon much better Palauragain: heh Adam4tvs: i cant read sarcasm here Adam4tvs: where are we? Adam4tvs: are you just trying to figure shit out Adam4tvs: or are you saying good riddance? Palauragain: Adam...I cannot say 'goodbye' right now Palauragain: just do me a favor and block me from your site Palauragain: lol Adam4tvs: this is not funny right now Adam4tvs: Babe - please skip your workout and meet me Adam4tvs: please Adam4tvs: i can't play this game with you Adam4tvs: and then not see you for 10 days Palauragain: i'm not trying to play games Palauragain: and i'm not trying to be funny Adam4tvs: you have to see this as more important than one workout Palauragain: i'm just being honest Adam4tvs: you have to Palauragain: I really hate reading stuff like that Palauragain: it's not about needing to workout Adam4tvs: WHAT STUFFFFFFFFFFf Palauragain: it's about taking an hour all to myself Adam4tvs: i dont even know what you're talking about Palauragain: without anyone talking to me... Palauragain: just to clear the head a bit Palauragain: I need that Palauragain: more than naything right now Adam4tvs: you know this is done Babe Adam4tvs: you know you don't believe me Adam4tvs: you just wrote Adam4tvs: i can't say goodbye RIGHT NOW Adam4tvs: you are looking for an out Adam4tvs: and you have it Palauragain: I cant beleive you'd say that Adam4tvs: you know he gets in tomorrow Adam4tvs: you know how important actual TIME spent together is Adam4tvs: and you keep finding ways to make it NOT happen Palauragain: Adam Adam4tvs: just so you dont get any closer Palauragain: I need to spend an hour at the gym...with just my headphones on Adam4tvs: because i may be this total asshole Palauragain: away from the world Palauragain: it's my stress outlet Adam4tvs: and then what... Adam4tvs: well punch me Adam4tvs: run on ME Adam4tvs: lol Palauragain: I never called u an 'asshole' Palauragain: and..lol...no physical abuse Palauragain: this just keeps getting harder & harder Palauragain: I dont doubt your sincerity Adam4tvs: yes, you do Palauragain: I just question certain things Adam4tvs: doubt and question are synonymous in the fucking thesaurus Adam4tvs: english major Adam4tvs: lol Palauragain: no! Adam4tvs: Babe the only shot of you making this change in your life Adam4tvs: and truly, truly, truly becoming who you are capable of Adam4tvs: is with you believing in yourself Adam4tvs: and me Adam4tvs: and you now doubt 50% of that equation Adam4tvs: how on EARTH do you pack your bags now... Adam4tvs: the answer is - you don't Palauragain: Adam... Adam4tvs: you stay comfortable Palauragain: I never said I think all you've said is BS Adam4tvs: you doubt me Palauragain: when I look into your eyes...I know Palauragain: I trust you Adam4tvs: jesus you're making me cry Palauragain: and I believe you Adam4tvs: fuuuuuuuck Palauragain: why!?!!? Palauragain: please don't Adam4tvs: BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU Adam4tvs: and i'm gonna lose you to THIS? Adam4tvs: to fucking PALAUR? Palauragain: nooooooooo Adam4tvs: to some horseshit entry Adam4tvs: about cuming Palauragain: I didn't say that!!! Adam4tvs: GODDAMN the irony is so thick Adam4tvs: YOU DONT HAVE TO Adam4tvs: because now when you're with him Adam4tvs: you think of me as "nothing Adam4tvs: because you cant look in my eyes Palauragain: what r u talking about?!!? Adam4tvs: you can't feel that Palauragain: thats BS Palauragain: you will never be 'nothing' Palauragain: $$ Palauragain: shit babe Palauragain: we have a meeting wit hthe new RM Palauragain: everyone has to go Palauragain: errrrrrrrrrrrr Palauragain: I have to sign off now Adam4tvs: CALL ME Adam4tvs: before workingout Adam4tvs: PLEASE Palauragain: I might be awhile in there Palauragain: think hes gonna fire a few people Palauragain: I have to go Palauragain signed off at 6:02:47 PM. Absolutely incredible. This has to be the most ESCHER MOMENT of my life. Palaur actually fucks up Palaur 2. Are you fucking kidding me? Could I be anymore fucked here? I can't say anything more because all my words are doubted now and I can't do nothing because she'll just assume that proves I was a "Fake" to begin with. It is such a lose-lose situation. My mind was racing. I just couldn't believe that I caused this by being open and honest. I mean she sees that goddamn December video crying about Jess - reads Palaur - even 5 pages... BAM. She has more than enough reason to doubt. I'm just so fucked.   I wait and wait and wait...she finally calls around 7:45 pm and I try to express to her that as she obviously has seen this "married" situation brings feelings to the forefront at light speed. It doesn't make them insincere - it's just forced because of this constant ticking CLOCK. SHe understood and said over and over she had no doubts about me at all. I just couldn't believe her. She wanted to meet - so we met at Whole Foods again.   Very, very emotional. She told me tenfold that she didn't doubt my sincerity. She just needed time and hoped I could wait. My eyes were welled up the entire time. I guess although I heard her words and believed her, that something told me this could be the last time I see her. I mean fuck, if I had read this site called "Palaur", I would realize this is JUST the beginning. LOL - but it struck me as the end. SHe was amazing, very reassuring and I just fell in love with her more. We were going to go to "sleep" on the phone together and wake up in the morning again..and then we'd be off.   The conversations were wonderful as usual. I sang to her and it felt like she was right next to me. Amazing how connected I feel to her. She just needed time and I was going to give it to her. I wasn't exactly looking forward to the next week or so, but I was amazed at how quickly this was coming to a head. Of course I'd been through this before with Laura, and the outcome was always miserable failure. We'd make it about 6 hours and then communicate - then see each other soon after. But I was determined to give her the space she needed. Around 11:40 AM (a new record for us):       Palauragain: :) AdamBeWorkin: ha - you broke first Palauragain: lol AdamBeWorkin: ... Palauragain: so... Palauragain: I noticed Palauragain: I have this distinct looking small bruise Palauragain: over my left hipbone Palauragain: AdamBeWorkin: <giggling> AdamBeWorkin: would it be from my thumb by any chance? Palauragain: um...it would be about that size... Palauragain: ice, perhaps? AdamBeWorkin: <puts head down in embarassment> Palauragain: to make it less obvious? Palauragain: hehe AdamBeWorkin: wow, i thought that was just in my head this morning AdamBeWorkin: i have some power over you dont i Palauragain: hehehe Palauragain: I somehow just noticed it this morning Palauragain: perhaps it will magically fade by 8 pm tonight? AdamBeWorkin: perhaps he won't labor over every inch of your body... Palauragain: it has been awhile though... Palauragain: I'm sure he will attempt AdamBeWorkin: he doesn't strike me as the type that would actually kiss every inch of your body... AdamBeWorkin: that was my implication Palauragain: didnt say anything about 'kissing' Palauragain: and he used to do that Palauragain: like 4 yrs ago AdamBeWorkin: :( Palauragain: hehe Palauragain: but anyway.... AdamBeWorkin: yes... AdamBeWorkin: i miss you too Palauragain: :) Palauragain: I won't keep you... Palauragain: that new toothpaste is amazing, btw Palauragain: fresh, minty taste.. Palauragain: just thought I'd share a little 'shop talk'.... I'd like you to all take careful note of the red to blue ratio. MHMMMM. About 20 minutes later...     Palauragain: :) AdamBeWorkin: ;-) Palauragain: how's work? AdamBeWorkin: once more? Palauragain: smiley Palauragain: winky face AdamBeWorkin: heh AdamBeWorkin: work is work - about to head out for lunch AdamBeWorkin: i'm pretty hungry AdamBeWorkin: have until 3 PM AdamBeWorkin: so trying to figure out where to go Palauragain: nice little schedule AdamBeWorkin: frustrating actually Palauragain: what do u normally do for lunch? AdamBeWorkin: it depends AdamBeWorkin: sometimes co-workers are goin' out AdamBeWorkin: or i just get a few sushi rolls AdamBeWorkin: sometimes a frozen dinner... AdamBeWorkin: sometimes subway... Palauragain: you and your sushi Palauragain: :) AdamBeWorkin: is this really what you're asking? AdamBeWorkin: lol Palauragain: just...curious AdamBeWorkin: i assume you do the same AdamBeWorkin: heh AdamBeWorkin: this is an interesting subject we've got going here Palauragain: isn't it? AdamBeWorkin: i'm smiling Palauragain: ya, mostly go out w/ coworkers Palauragain: or... Palauragain: go to the bookstore Palauragain: eat & read Palauragain: quiet time AdamBeWorkin: yeah AdamBeWorkin: that actually sounds like a good idea Palauragain: it is... Palauragain: I enjoy my alone time... Palauragain: to sit & think AdamBeWorkin: yeah AdamBeWorkin: boy you need that babe Palauragain: I think waaaaay too much sometimes Palauragain: lol AdamBeWorkin: this is really going to be difficult AdamBeWorkin: lol AdamBeWorkin: that's a good sign though... Palauragain: kinda weird, hm? AdamBeWorkin: ...i don't follow Palauragain: talking random talk AdamBeWorkin: i thought we had agreed on only talking to each other if it was something crucial AdamBeWorkin: lol AdamBeWorkin: so this is kind of funny to me Palauragain: ooops Palauragain: sorry AdamBeWorkin: lol Palauragain: nothing 'crucial' at this point AdamBeWorkin: WHAT DO YOU MEAN!??!  HOW LONG WILL YOU WAIT!?!! AdamBeWorkin: hahahahahaha AdamBeWorkin: IT'S BEEN 60 MINUTES SINCE HIS PLANE LANDED AdamBeWorkin: :-) AdamBeWorkin: I'm gonna go drink at Chilis with a co-worker Palauragain: 60 minutes?!?! Palauragain: lol AdamBeWorkin: i miss you tremendously Babe Palauragain: did I tell u the actual time? Palauragain: heh AdamBeWorkin: you did... AdamBeWorkin: lol Palauragain: I miss you too... Palauragain: he called and left a mesg Palauragain: when plane landed Palauragain: I havent had a chance to call back yet... Palauragain: 'working' Palauragain: lol AdamBeWorkin: my heart goes out to you in more ways than you'll ever know Palauragain: man, I could really use a drink right about now too Palauragain: lol AdamBeWorkin: well I'll drink one for ya babe AdamBeWorkin: deep breaths AdamBeWorkin: that's the key to everything AdamBeWorkin: just take your time AdamBeWorkin: i am not going anywhere AdamBeWorkin: ...except for right now AdamBeWorkin: talk to you soon babe Palauragain: k Palauragain: bye babe     And the final short conversation of the day:     Palauragain: :) AdamBeWorkin: :-) AdamBeWorkin: ... Palauragain: ... Palauragain: just wanted to say 'hi' AdamBeWorkin: just wanted to say 'hi' Palauragain: lol AdamBeWorkin: lol Palauragain: Adam!!! AdamBeWorkin: Babe!!! AdamBeWorkin: oops Palauragain: so... Palauragain: busy day? Palauragain: how was lunch? AdamBeWorkin: slowest day of my life Palauragain: did u have a drink for me? Palauragain: that bad, eh? AdamBeWorkin: i did AdamBeWorkin: and then came back to my desk Palauragain: "The worst day of my life, what do you think!!!!" AdamBeWorkin: and fell asleep AdamBeWorkin: lol Palauragain: lol AdamBeWorkin: this is actually a good day Palauragain: recognize the quote, sleepy head? AdamBeWorkin: i'm pretty at peace with everything AdamBeWorkin: i don't... Palauragain: that's good Palauragain: I may have to drive out to El Centro tomorrow!!! Palauragain: ehhh, any clue where that is? AdamBeWorkin: where's that? AdamBeWorkin: lol AdamBeWorkin: apparently not AdamBeWorkin: and what movie was that from? Palauragain: near the Mexican border Palauragain: quote - Napolean Dynamite Palauragain: <pretty much the best movie of all time> Palauragain: hehe AdamBeWorkin: well being that i've never SEEN that movie AdamBeWorkin: which i told you AdamBeWorkin: that would be tough Palauragain: ooooh... Palauragain: you jus twouldnt get it then AdamBeWorkin: i want to see it with you of course AdamBeWorkin: but we've proven poor movie dates Palauragain: well Palauragain: wanna see a movie saturday? Palauragain: :) AdamBeWorkin: i want to MAKE a movie Saturday Palauragain: :) Palauragain: umm, what kinda movie? Palauragain: heh AdamBeWorkin: well your face says it all AdamBeWorkin: honestly - i just want to siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit with you AdamBeWorkin: i've said it forever AdamBeWorkin: but i dont think we'll feel that unless you get there in the morning Palauragain: what do u mean? AdamBeWorkin: and we can just goof off Palauragain: 3 hours with me is just not enough? Palauragain: :) Palauragain: we can "play it by ear..." AdamBeWorkin: 3 years isn't enough Palauragain: as u says AdamBeWorkin: as i says? AdamBeWorkin: lol Palauragain: :) Palauragain: hehe AdamBeWorkin: sup sup dawg Palauragain: as u SAY AdamBeWorkin: i want to be able to jump up and play a game AdamBeWorkin: or run and get ice cream AdamBeWorkin: or throw a frisbee AdamBeWorkin: just BE Palauragain: ice cream? <shame, shame> Palauragain: lol Palauragain: I know...what u mean AdamBeWorkin: (sigh) Palauragain: sigh? Palauragain: what's up babe? Palauragain: whatcha thinking? AdamBeWorkin: what are you thinking... Palauragain: that...I like when you sang to me last night...before bed AdamBeWorkin: i loved that Palauragain: me too... Palauragain: I could fall asleep to your voice every night... AdamBeWorkin: i could sing to you every night... Palauragain: :) AdamBeWorkin: you know what i'm really thinking? Palauragain: tell me... AdamBeWorkin: "will she ever really know how i feel" Palauragain: I do... Palauragain: yuo have said/done more than enough... AdamBeWorkin: i don't think you'll truly know until more time passes Palauragain: brb   Palauragain: k... AdamBeWorkin: ... Palauragain: I know enough... Palauragain: to answer any "doubts" AdamBeWorkin: it will get stronger if you let it AdamBeWorkin: that's the part that inspires me Palauragain: I know... Palauragain: ha, these guys that work around me are so young...so funny Palauragain: we've been talking about 'hooking up with girls' for the last 15 or so minutes... AdamBeWorkin: "we've"? Palauragain: ya, hehe Palauragain: they ask me for my opinion AdamBeWorkin: ha - so are you pretty good at that? AdamBeWorkin: oh AdamBeWorkin: lol Palauragain: lol Palauragain: :) AdamBeWorkin: ? Palauragain: I give them the 'girls perspective' Palauragain: of things... Palauragain: that's all Palauragain: :) AdamBeWorkin: you should tell 'em "it's all in your eyes" AdamBeWorkin: then just look at 'em and go.... Palauragain: that is true! AdamBeWorkin: "nope...." AdamBeWorkin: "nope..." AdamBeWorkin: "nope..." AdamBeWorkin: lol Palauragain: hehe Palauragain: :) AdamBeWorkin: ... Palauragain: have u been to palm springs lately? AdamBeWorkin: if lately means never... AdamBeWorkin: absolutely Palauragain: never been? AdamBeWorkin: nope Palauragain: so..what did u and jess do for fun? AdamBeWorkin: normal stuff AdamBeWorkin: movies AdamBeWorkin: games Palauragain: thats normal! hehe AdamBeWorkin: she wasn't physical AdamBeWorkin: but when we lived at the apartment complex AdamBeWorkin: i was able to drag her out to throw a ball or something AdamBeWorkin: but she got tired pretty quick Palauragain: hahahaha Palauragain: shut up! Palauragain: any desire to travel? AdamBeWorkin: personally? AdamBeWorkin: of course now Palauragain: yes AdamBeWorkin: i have the money AdamBeWorkin: i'm so fuckin stoked about japan AdamBeWorkin: i can't even tell you Palauragain: so money was the main reason u guys didnt go out much? AdamBeWorkin: definitely Palauragain: but u have the desire, right? AdamBeWorkin: we'd go out to EAT of course AdamBeWorkin: the second i could i booked a trip to japan AdamBeWorkin: come on babe Palauragain: just checking... AdamBeWorkin: i was going to greece this fall too Palauragain: I have a fidgety spirit Palauragain: I like to do things...explore AdamBeWorkin: well you haven't shown that much AdamBeWorkin: lol Palauragain: no? Palauragain: lol Palauragain: I just got back from Miami 3 weeks ago Palauragain: going to vegas in 2 weeks AdamBeWorkin: :( Palauragain: to see family... Palauragain: I havent booked it yet Palauragain: but my mom is dying for me to come out Palauragain: then I go to NY in June Palauragain: my favorite city!!! AdamBeWorkin: :( Palauragain: if I could live like a gypsy, I would Palauragain: I wanna move to Spain..live the European life Palauragain: work less, take siestas, have a big family Palauragain: lol AdamBeWorkin: well now you're scaring me AdamBeWorkin: is this the babe i knew yesterday? Palauragain: lol Palauragain: just a secret passion of mine.... Palauragain: I've shared that with rob, he thinks it's nuts Palauragain: I'm very free spirited... Palauragain: I dont wanna live in LA forever... Palauragain: but what other city would I go to? AdamBeWorkin: NY Palauragain: nah, too cold Palauragain: lol Palauragain: I'd move to Europe in a heart beat Palauragain: if someone wanted to go with me... Palauragain: cold or not, I love culture and all that.... Palauragain: I think I would blend in fairly well Palauragain: lol AdamBeWorkin: ... Palauragain: hmmmm AdamBeWorkin: part of me wants to move to france AdamBeWorkin: and just create Palauragain: I cant stand French people! but Paris is beautiful from what I hear AdamBeWorkin: and enjoy that lifestyle AdamBeWorkin: but are you just trying to scare me Palauragain: I want to live the 'simple life' AdamBeWorkin: because jess couldn't live in LA either... AdamBeWorkin: i mean - what the fuck... Palauragain: well I sure as hell aint moving back to Vegas...or Ohio for that matter Palauragain: I like LA Palauragain: but I DO NOT wanna live here forever among these superficial, no moral having people... AdamBeWorkin: you choose your company... AdamBeWorkin: i'm not like that Palauragain: people out here are fake, materialistic..blah blah...my kids will get caught up in that Palauragain: once they go to school Palauragain: they will want the biggest cars, the newest clothes Palauragain: because everyone else will have 'em... Palauragain: unless they go to school in say, Canoga Park or somethin... Palauragain: but... Palauragain: this city is great for a few years Palauragain: and eventually...<hopefully&gt; as a second home Palauragain: one day! Palauragain: :) Palauragain: I have sooooo many dreams and aspirations.... Palauragain: <that just dont have anything to do with a career, lol> Palauragain: well, hope I didnt scare u off Palauragain: I have to go now... Palauragain: but I want to share my thoughts with you.... AdamBeWorkin: you're kind of freaking me out AdamBeWorkin: so... Palauragain: hope u like adventurous souls...cause u sure found one! Palauragain: lol Palauragain: something kore ot think about Palauragain: *more Palauragain: that's all this is... Palauragain: I want you to know more about me Palauragain: and where i'm coming from Palauragain: and how I one day envision my life to be Palauragain: who knows.... Palauragain: well, I'm signing off now Palauragain: talk soon Palauragain: ciao! AdamBeWorkin: ... Palauragain: <scared him off already> Palauragain: lol Palauragain: ;-) AdamBeWorkin: what are you doing? Palauragain: Palauragain is no longer signed on.   In all honesty I seriously considered that one of her co-workers started writing halfway through. Is that the most fucked up thing you've ever read? I mean, could she say more to scare me off? Is it just an obvious attempt to freak me out so she can go home to him tonight assuming I'm no longer interested.......?   ...who gives a fuck what it is. That has to be the most immature thing I've ever seen. Are you kidding? You want me to run? NO PROBLEM. Does she actually think I'm gonna put up with that shit? LOL. I'm too shocked right now for this to even sink in - so allow me to vent. Good thing I can write songs fast, 'cause this is a good one.   But in all seriousness, you don't play games with me. You don't lie to me. You don't use me. I warned her every second possible - if I feel you showing a pattern of being disrespectful...EVEN TO HIM - I'm out. I won't handle that shit. I dealt with it with Laura because I was twenty-fuckin two and stupid as shit... not now.   I believe she knows exactly what she was doing. She was never flighty the entire time I knew her so it seems like a thinly veiled attempt to make certain I'm no longer an option. Either way - I'm not. She is obviously not ready to face this and would rather hide in her "simple" life without any complications. She's can get her attention at work and with friends, and maybe now that she's broken the physical bond with her husband she'll find even more ways to get the attention she needs.   Am I being too harsh? Maybe. Whatever - I can't imagine a way of her making me believe her again. I believe she's just trying to take the path of least resistance which is what 99% of people do in this world. Good luck to you babe. I won't be a part of this.   Adam