YouTube link added 02.04.09
12:45 AM, Tuesday, March 1st, 2005:
So on my way home from work on Friday - I stopped at a sushi restaurant. $10 on some sushi was one of those things I said I always wished I could do without getting "sick to my stomach". Not because of the food mind you, but for so long I've felt it was a luxury. I couldn't justify it when I could eat cheaper if I cooked myself and then the money could go towards stuff Jess and I needed. This has been my life for so, so, so many years. It's a stress many know and even at times when we could probably afford to, we just wouldn't splurge. It just made me feel so bad.
But here I was eating sushi, which I love, and I was OK. It was just such a peaceful feeling. Have I ever explained why sushi is so incredible? It has nothing to do with the food. Well it does a little - but it has to do with the routine of it all. Preparing the soy sauce with just the right amount of wasabi. About each individual bite. About enjoying the tastes and taking your time. It's something for an overeater like me that I never do with other food. With sushi - you're forced to go slow and...almost connect with the food. It's so hard to express to people who find it disgusting. Something about the customs involved that I just love.
So the next day I thought...well I want to do that again. So the next night I went back and ate their again. And amazingly I was just so happy to get in my car! I was so happy to go out! Not to feel shackled with guilt for spending a measly $10-$20! It was so incredible. It was what I was trying to express to Jess for the few days we had. All those proverbial metal bars over our relationship and my spirit are simply gone! I just want to soar... I bought a round-trip ticket to Japan for 10 days in May.
!!?!??! Who impulse buys a trip to Japan? Honestly I was amazed at how friggin' cheap it was. $548 round-trip plus tax ('round $610 total). That really is pretty cheap to go to a different country. I mean from LA it's only about 10 hours direct (which is almost equivalent to the full day it takes me to get to Columbus with a stop). I went to a bunch of websites, looked at prices for hotels and food... Man I could easily do the whole thing around $1000. I booked the flight for May 13 - 22 and hit submit...and just smiled. I'm so excited I can barely stand it. I don't know a lick of japaneese, have no idea what I'll do - but it's an adventure. And I can do it. It's one of the best feelings ever. I simply read that the best time to go was May because of the flowers and picked a random week in May and hit submit. And that was that. I looked around, and just laughed. Anyone who happened to be online at the time got a very strange instant message. I called up Marty Moose and said - GUESS WHAT I JUST DID! He was floored.
There is obviously a tiny twinge of sadness to all of this. Because you all know who I wanted to call immediately. I actually stopped myself 'cause I was sure it would hurt her. I guess she'll find out eventually, but it just rips me up. She should be experiencing this. Throughout everything I still feel that. It seems unfair that one of the only things she ever wanted to do was travel and the second she leaves I have the ability to do so. (sigh). But I'm secure that I've given her every opportunity to be a part of this and she simply doesn't want it. That will be sad to me for quite some time. But fuck Adam - finally a happy entry! Shut up already.
So of course - the journey is gonna fucking rule. You know that there will be a 10 part series now: "Journey to Japan". I guess this should be part one. LOL. I'll get a laptop and one of those tiny little camcorders I can use with a memory stick and just go crazy. Not to be cheap, but I'll probably end up taking the laptop back because I really have no need for one - but believe me - the journey will continue throughout. It'll be awesome. I'm actually revolving my entire trip around the wifi spots in Japan (which are very few and far between) just so I can update stuff. It's gonna be incredible. I have to admit - hitting submit to buy the ticket was almost spiritual. It was as if I hit enter on my "spirit" button. I can finally be ME!!! I can finally FEEL without all this fucking poor man's guilt. It's just...magical. It's honestly something I thought I'd only get if I became some famous entertainer. And on top of that this isn't even all that extravagant!! Just so happy right now. Very good feeling.
Greece is up next. I figure I should go before I have kids or any other big responsibilities just to see my relatives that you only ever hear about. Greece is a bit more intense however. From LA - it truly is 1/2 way around the world - and well over $2000 at the cheapest places. But I probably won't have to worry about food and lodging because of family. I just feel if I don't do it will never happen. You know? Yes, I could save every single penny for retirement - but then I'll be too damn old to have fun. Believe me I"m being insanely cautious with my money (didn't buy the Greece tickets yet) and am taking baby steps to just enjoy being FREE. But - lol - buying a ticket to Japan? That so rules. And to everyone who so nicely set me up in the instant messages by asking me why? Thank you...