The truth of The
Journey is this: I wholeheartedly believed this year
would never happen. The "be positive at any
cost" crowd doesn't want to hear that, but
welcome to the real world. Now at one point early on,
obviously I believed in this year or I never
would have come out here. But after the years that
transpired I accepted that it was very possible...that
I never got a break. After 6 years, there was no
reason to believe the next 6 years would be better. I
stayed here only because I no longer belonged
anywhere else...
...and
then I got lucky. The Journey Gods had
enough. They struck on the 1st of April
(how poetic of them) and they never
relented. It's been 9 straight months of
non-stop ups and downs with over 100
entries in just those months alone. It'll
be a good year before I can actually
gain some sort of perspective on just how
amazing this year was, but it's tradition
to write this entry - so I'll try to take
a stab at it.
Man is it even
possible to summarize? America's Got Talent was a year
in itself. It really was. That 10 entry series was
just incredible. I just reread it and...WOW...what a
heartbreak! Goddammmmmmn. I can't fathom how I'd feel
had Living Room Live never come along. To be booked
for the show and then lose it a day later. That
feeling of pure magic for only a day. All the while
MSNBC playing "Let's Bomb Iran", then being
booked for an interview and losing THAT the next day.
Astonishing. Winning the first round of Living Room
Live then losing the second. Going through all of that
and then still going to New York to be on the
show? Then Donna, pitching the hosting gig, The
Sopranos... JESUS. I'm tired THINKING about it. How
was I able to keep up with The Journey? Just
incredible. And of course what lies ahead is also
mind-boggling.
But honestly, the
only reason this year sticks out? The 4 previous
years. If you look at my entire adult life, a little
over a dozen yearsm this year really fits right in. I
have always seemed to fall into places and just
"belong". From making CDs to radio to right now with
CBS. It's all a very clear pattern of what
seems like my entire adulthood...except for
those 4 years. Those years where I didn't have
faith in my ability to wake up in the morning. They
are the most precious years of The Journey for me and
I re-read them often. This year is indeed the
year of my life, just as 2001 was before it, 2000,
1999, 1998, and so on, and so on.
That being said,
it kinda floors me how easily I'm getting along on a
stage like CBS. I don't feel out of place. In
fact I feel like a leader. I feel like this burst
of energy that has a million ideas and people actually
listen to them and agree with them. And I don't
flinch. It doesn't ever occur to me to think:
"What if they don't like this?" I'm in this zone right
now where I have the utmost faith in my abilities and
I'm pushing it every possible way I can figure out.
I'm scheming in the shower, before I go to sleep,
during an episode of The Sopranos, constantly finding
a way to turn this into more and more and more. I'm in
the game and I'm playing my heart out.
God... I'm in the
game. I really am. Jesus, it's really hittin' me. This
is it. This was the year I've waited for my whole
life. Just the opportunity to show what I'm
made of. A direction. And it was the perfect mix of
opportunity and drive. As I've said over and over -
there were no meetings planned by CBS in NY. All that
theorizing about how them flying me out to announce
the winner was really something more? It wasn't. As
far as they were concerned that was it. They shook my
hand that day and I was on my way. But I stayed
out there for weeks and schemed. The fight never ends.
I'm fighting NOW. For every, single, scrap. People
always act like there will be this big break and then
it all falls into place... in fact? There's only big
opportunities. The breaks do happen, but they're
opportunities to do more. Most people would've
gone on The Early Show, spent the night in the fancy
hotel, and flew back the next day. Hoping that somehow
that one appearence would lead to something. No. No,
no, no. You really do have to spell out your career to
the powers that be. You're pitching constantly. How
special it is to have this documented. The keys to
everything are within these entries fellow dreamers.
You really can apply this to your situation and make
the road ahead yours.
So yes, it was the
year of my life. It was so good I can't even
comprehend it. I could use my favorite word a thousand
times: Incomprehensible. It's such a perfect
descriptor. Events so encompassing your brain can't
take it in. And the shot of me hearing that voicemail.
Wow. It still hardly registers. I have to chew at it,
bit by bit as the months roll on...
...and I'll be
chewing for awhile. THANK YOU 2006.
I needed you so bad. Bring on 2007.
