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YouTube link added 01.29.09
8:43 AM, Saturday, November 25th, 2006:
I'm just gonna have to write this at lightening speed before I completely break down. There's no appropriate way to start this.
About 5 days ago I noticed Shizzle had a nose bleed. He's always getting into something - figured he was rough housin' with Roxy, thought little of it. He ruined a few pillows on the couch, but no biggie. C'est la vie. It continued the next day, and into the 3rd and I was really befuddled. He was starting to clot up a little bit but obviously not enough and the strangest thing happened when he was asleep - 5 seperate holes at the bottom of his lip (not inside) started bleeding. !?!? Like pin-pricks. He hadn't been outside in like 2 horus and just all the sudden. I cleaned him up but was just completely confused.
The only change had been him sleeping outside since we had cleaned the kitchen and I was almost certain he was just REALLY dry. Keith even had a nose bleed because it's been so dry lately. And oddly enough, it was only at night. What the fuck huh? All day he'd be fine and then at night here it comes. But he was still playful, acted like nothin' was wrong and again - I just assumed he was just really dry and it was a hard area to clot. I affectionately called him "My Bloody Buddy" assuming each night it would finally heal and that would be it. He's had cuts and scratched before and they eventually heal. This morning however, it was very clear this was serious. His left eye was filling with blood and I called a vet immediately.

What I never mentioned on this site was what happened the first time Shizzle and Roxy went to a vet. It was horrible. The vet slowly, methodically put a noose around Roxy's neck and put her on this metal scale, tied the noose above her and then made the scale raise off the ground. Roxy freaked, fell off and was hanging getting choked as I held Shizzle back from going CRAZY. I was frozen in fear, the doctor just yelled at her and swung her back around...folks it was fucking horrendous. I had nightmares for weeks, wanted so badly to report the guy but was so frozen with fear I didn't even want to think about it again and have never been back to a vet since. Amazingly, Shizzle was fine this morning...I was not. We got into that room and my heart started racing and I was instantly on the verge of tears. I thought I was gonna pass out. It was pretty rough. But for Shizzle's sake I had to be cool so he'd feel safe, and he was just fine. Laid down on the floor. They took him back to weigh him and when they shoved the thermometer up his ass they let me hold him and he was totally cool with it. I guess think what you will about that one...

The doctor came in and was very serious. She minced no words in saying that this was not good. She felt it was an auto-immune issue as she noticed bruising inside his ears and said that was a sign of his body attacking his red blood cells. She obviously ordered blood tests and then said she had to keep him overnight because she feared he could deteriorate so quickly that he wouldn't make it even 24 hours. Looking at the estimate, I had some decisions. And any pet owner knows this one: just what exactly is your dog worth. You hate to put it into numbers, but the truth is you have to. We were looking at close to $1000 right off the bat and that was just to see what was wrong. No matter what, we knew it was something aggressive once we found out what it was. I asked if we could just do the blood tests and take our chances tonight to knock off $500. She agreed but was just adament about the danger in not monitoring him tonight. I kept trying to get what the possible best scenario was to see if it was even feasible. If he was going to need to have a $50 shot every day, this wasn't happening. She said she just didn't know. It could be some pills, it could be several blood transfusions... doesn't know. She said that she was giving him a big shot of steroids right now and would watch him until they close at 7, and then I can better decide if I should take him home.

Get a call at 5:30 saying we can get him. Get there and notice his abdomen is completely swollen. Apparently during a routine "bladder prick" (can't think of anything else it would be called - but how they get a urine sample) his body started to internally bleed and just filled his stomach. It was really HARD though, so I'm not sure what happened. Another doctor was there said a co-worker had a dog and the same thing happened. It was several transfusions and the dog died within 3 months. The one hope was that the steroids they gave him would work.

It was clear as I was driving home that this wasn't gonna turn out good. If the steroids didn't bring about an extreme change for the better, I would have to put him down the next day. All I could think to do was give that pup some turkey. Poor guy couldn't catch anything because his eye was so filled with blood, but he was happy to try.
He was on my bed and I noticed he was now bleeding from his penis which I assumed was from his bladder getting filled with blood. I just put a towel under him and kissed him. I was pretty certain he wasn't gonna make it.
This morning he is still alive, but as listless as can be. He can barely walk and when he stands he just doesn't know what to do. You call for him and he'll wag his tail, but it's like he doesn't know where to walk. It's another hour until we get the test results, but it's clear the steroids didn't help at all. The other options could run in the ongoing thousands and I just don't know if I can justify it. I mean, I'm going to make a good salary from CBS for 15 weeks. I don't know anything after that and I have to stretch that money as loooooooong as I can. In the free-lance world, you just never have enough money because you have no stability. What kills me is it's feasible in a couple of months I could sign a development deal and have $100,000 in the bank and then I have to look back at the fact that I chose to put my dog down to save a couple thousand bucks. It is a wretched position to be in...but I have to be responsible here and realize that no matter how much I love that dog...he is a dog. But he is a dog who has been in (can you believe this?) 25 Journey videos. He has been attatched at my hip for 3 1/2 years and this decision is ripping me apart.
So I guess we leave this with the one video that has just meant the world to me. I had just finished the studio which was to be where I lived while I rented out the house. It was the studio that signified my divorce from Jessica and that I was now all alone in LA.
I was scared to death, but was on auto-pilot with that construction just ignoring how bad everything was. I did great job and one day I woke up, and I had done all I could do. No more hiding from the obvious. I set up a camera to show what was done and of course the pups decided to steal the shot. I then turned the camera around to get the other side of the studio and Shizzle... well you just gotta see it.
Hell it made my dad cry. I cried while I edited it because I had picked such a perfect song that it made the footage look posed. I swear to you I just set up a camera to show that I was done...Shizzle did the rest.
Praying for a miracle in 40 minutes,