I'm just gonna
have to write this at lightening speed before
I completely break down. There's no appropriate
way to start this.
About 5 days ago
I noticed Shizzle had a nose bleed. He's always
getting into something - figured he was rough housin'
with Roxy, thought little of it. He ruined a few
pillows on the couch, but no biggie. C'est la vie. It
continued the next day, and into the 3rd and
I was really befuddled. He was starting to clot
up a little bit but obviously not enough and the
strangest thing happened when he was asleep - 5
seperate holes at the bottom of his lip (not inside)
started bleeding. !?!? Like pin-pricks. He hadn't been
outside in like 2 horus and just all the sudden. I
cleaned him up but was just completely
confused.
The only change
had been him sleeping outside since we had cleaned the
kitchen and I was almost certain he was just
REALLY dry. Keith even had a nose bleed because
it's been so dry lately. And oddly enough, it was only
at night. What the fuck huh? All day he'd be fine and
then at night here it comes. But he was still playful,
acted like nothin' was wrong and again - I just
assumed he was just really dry and it was a hard area
to clot. I affectionately called him "My Bloody
Buddy" assuming each night it would finally heal and
that would be it. He's had cuts and scratched before
and they eventually heal. This morning however, it was
very clear this was serious. His left eye was filling
with blood and I called a vet
immediately.
What I
never mentioned on this site was what
happened the first time Shizzle and Roxy went
to a vet. It was horrible. The vet slowly,
methodically put a noose around Roxy's neck
and put her on this metal scale, tied the
noose above her and then made the scale raise
off the ground. Roxy freaked, fell off and
was hanging getting choked as I held
Shizzle back from going CRAZY. I was frozen
in fear, the doctor just yelled at her and
swung her back around...folks it was fucking
horrendous. I had nightmares for weeks,
wanted so badly to report the guy but was so
frozen with fear I didn't even want to
think about it again and have never been back
to a vet since. Amazingly, Shizzle was fine
this morning...I was not. We got into
that room and my heart started racing and I
was instantly on the verge of tears.
I thought I was gonna pass out. It
was pretty rough. But for Shizzle's sake
I had to be cool so he'd feel safe, and
he was just fine. Laid down on the floor.
They took him back to weigh him and when they
shoved the thermometer up his ass they let me
hold him and he was totally cool with it.
I guess think what you will about that
one...
The doctor came in
and was very serious. She minced no words in saying
that this was not good. She felt it was an
auto-immune issue as she noticed bruising inside his
ears and said that was a sign of his body attacking
his red blood cells. She obviously ordered blood tests
and then said she had to keep him overnight because
she feared he could deteriorate so quickly that he
wouldn't make it even 24 hours. Looking at the
estimate, I had some decisions. And any pet owner
knows this one: just what exactly is your dog worth.
You hate to put it into numbers, but the truth is you
have to. We were looking at close to $1000 right off
the bat and that was just to see what was
wrong. No matter what, we knew it was something
aggressive once we found out what it was. I asked
if we could just do the blood tests and take our
chances tonight to knock off $500. She agreed but was
just adament about the danger in not monitoring him
tonight. I kept trying to get what the possible
best scenario was to see if it was even feasible. If
he was going to need to have a $50 shot every day,
this wasn't happening. She said she just didn't know.
It could be some pills, it could be several blood
transfusions... doesn't know. She said that she was
giving him a big shot of steroids right now and would
watch him until they close at 7, and then I can better
decide if I should take him home.
Get a call
at 5:30 saying we can get him. Get there and
notice his abdomen is completely swollen.
Apparently during a routine "bladder prick"
(can't think of anything else it would be
called - but how they get a urine sample) his
body started to internally bleed and just
filled his stomach. It was really
HARD though, so I'm not sure what
happened. Another doctor was there said a
co-worker had a dog and the same thing
happened. It was several transfusions and the
dog died within 3 months. The one hope was
that the steroids they gave him would
work.
It was clear as
I was driving home that this wasn't gonna turn
out good. If the steroids didn't bring about an
extreme change for the better, I would have to
put him down the next day. All I could think to
do was give that pup some turkey. Poor guy couldn't
catch anything because his eye was so filled with
blood, but he was happy to try.
He was on my bed
and I noticed he was now bleeding from his penis
which I assumed was from his bladder getting
filled with blood. I just put a towel under him
and kissed him. I was pretty certain he wasn't gonna
make it.
This morning he is
still alive, but as listless as can be. He can barely
walk and when he stands he just doesn't know what to
do. You call for him and he'll wag his tail, but it's
like he doesn't know where to walk. It's another hour
until we get the test results, but it's clear the
steroids didn't help at all. The other options could
run in the ongoing thousands and I just don't
know if I can justify it. I mean, I'm going to
make a good salary from CBS for 15 weeks. I don't
know anything after that and I have to stretch that
money as loooooooong as I can. In the free-lance
world, you just never have enough money because you
have no stability. What kills me is it's feasible in a
couple of months I could sign a development deal
and have $100,000 in the bank and then I have to
look back at the fact that I chose to put my dog
down to save a couple thousand bucks. It is a wretched
position to be in...but I have to be responsible here
and realize that no matter how much I love that
dog...he is a dog. But he is a dog who has been in
(can you believe this?) 25 Journey videos. He has been
attatched at my hip for 3 1/2 years and this decision
is ripping me apart.
So I guess we
leave this with the one video that has just meant the
world to me. I had just finished the studio which
was to be where I lived while I rented out
the house. It was the studio that signified my divorce
from Jessica and that I was now all alone in LA.
I was
scared to death, but was on auto-pilot
with that construction just ignoring how
bad everything was. I did great job
and one day I woke up, and I had done
all I could do. No more hiding from the
obvious. I set up a camera to show
what was done and of course the pups
decided to steal the shot. I then
turned the camera around to get the other
side of the studio and Shizzle... well
you
just gotta see
it.
Hell it made my
dad cry. I cried while I edited it because
I had picked such a perfect song that it made the
footage look posed. I swear to you I just set
up a camera to show that I was done...Shizzle did
the rest.
