No, see, last time
I dropped the ball - but
this time don't, you, worry. I'm
on it!
God
Me fuckin' DAMNIT
Angel 1, he already did The
Sopranos, he needs to leave
today. How am I gonna get
him on a plane without ID.
Meeeeeeeee.
If you don't think
this month was one filled with miracles, this'll prove
it to ya. 30 minutes before my driver comes to pic me
up I notice my wallet's gone. Last had it at the
bagel shop on the corner in the morning and
I must have just set it down. Went back, gone.
Searched the apartment, nothing... G, O, N,
E.
Throw in a bit of
claustrophobia with Donna. We had been in one room,
for a month. It was already a room she was sharing
with another girl (who just happened to be out of town
for the majority of the time) so her shit was
all over the room, then my shit was all over the room,
her routine was all messed up, I was living out of a
suitcase and for the love of fuck just wanted to be
able to put both of my hands out to my sides and not
HIT something... it was time, to, GO. We were both
looking forward to a tiny bit of breathing room and
then this.
So
when I called her half in tears to
see if maybe she had the wallet, she
certainly reciprocated the feeling back to
me. She had nothing, and the
visions
of
Finnerty
danced in my
head**.
I finally just called CBS and begged
for their help. She gets on the phone and
says to go ahead and get to JFK, tears can
make magic happen...
...tears however
can't make the Mets Game 7 traffic move any faster. We
were stopped. Luckily my driver was an ex-yellow cab
driver and was doin' all sorts of crazy shit.
Meanwhile on the phone we had this ridiculous version
of phone tag goin' on. Sara from CBS spent 2 hours on
the phone with TSA Security, the travel agent, and Jet
Blue trying to come up with a solution. I had my dad
in Columbus ready to fax my birth certificate over,
and I was holding on for dear life as the driver kept
taking back streets like it was friggin' Die Hard 3. I
do have to admit, it was fun.
At 5:43 (flight
boards in 12 minutes) I get to the airport and have to
stand in the longest goddamn line to get my boarding
pass. No easy check-in when you don't have your
GODDAMN CREDIT CARDS. Sara had called me
just before to explain that everyone is aware of the
situation and will basically make me a security risk
and rape me in some room before I can get on the
flight. I was fine with that. She said however that
I did need to somehow pull off a boarding pass
without my ID. Let's just say the guy behind the
counter wasn't very pleased with my scenario. I begged
him to please just look up my name and I was sure
he'd find something in his computers to show that CBS
had been on the phone with everyone for hours...and he
did. He printed up the pass, wrote:
"NO ID" on it, and at 6:05 I was able
to get into the next goddamn line to get my
rape on.
This is where
I was a bit of a dick, I made a line where
there wasn't one, and skipped so many goddamn people.
Then, because I was so late, they took me
completely seperately and had their way with me.
I must say though, I was lookin' forward to
a little more. I got the intimate pat-down as they
rummaged through all my shit, but there was no strip
search. Sucks. The woman was rather purty too. Oh
well. The guy goin' through my bags noticed my camera,
and we started talking about video editing of all
things and we use the same programs. Small world. That
shortened things a bit, and I literally ran to my
plane and just made it.
As I sat
down, I had a bunch of phone calls to make and I
suddenly became that guy. Ever sit next to a
guy who acts important on his cell phone? I so didn't
mean this, but I called Sara back and thanked her and
somehow mentioned how great CBS has been to me... then
the producer in LA that's gonna be working on my
show calls to set-up a time to meet on Tuesday with
the hair and make-up people. I end up saying "It
should be no problem, I've been doing these characters
for 5 years, and with some creative shaving and
drawing in - we'll be great" that was the moment the
lady next to me looked up from her magazine and looked
me in the eye with body language that said: "Should I
know this guy?", it was very, very eerie. But
I mean, the fantastic "No ID" story, CBS
working for 2 hours to get me on that plane, and then
the producer calling all at once suddenly turned me
into that guy. After I hung up
I explained everything to her and she was cool.
Very impressed they got me on that flight. No shit
huh?
Knowing the NY
magic was officially coming to an end, I watched
Game 7 with the rest of the New Yorkers on the plane
(including the lady next to me who was die-hard) and I
just knew... I knew they weren't gonna win. When
we were over California, in the 9th inning of a 1-1
tie, the Cardinals scored 2 runs and the Mets couldn't
pull it off even with the bases loaded. The whole
plane sorta let out a big sigh as I just shook my head
in acknowledgement that the fairy tale was over. Oh
I'm starting another one with Donna in Ohio on
Tuesday, but the NY fairy tale, September 19th to
October 19th, officially came to an end as
I landed in LA. Now I get to deal with
cancelled credit cards, the goddamn DMV and
moving/cleaning for 4 days.
I'll be hard
pressed to beat these 15 entries any time in the near
future...
...but you'd
better believe I'll try.
;-)
Adam
**The
video and title have to be killing non-Soprano fans. I
don't want to give it away for those who haven't seen
the episodes yet, but maye this will be a motivator
for you to rent the 1st disc of Season 1. You do it,
and I guarantee you'll be clamoring for the next
discs and will soon be caught up by the final 8
episodes in March.
