(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
YouTube link added 01.31.09
4:51 PM, Friday, September 30th, 2006:
I have to document this. I'm being changed on an hourly basis and this journal is my only means of staying grounded. There is no better way to describe my head right now, than telling you what I forgot to tell you in the last entry. This slip of the mind occured to me last night and I had to just shake my head...
I'm auditioning for the last few episodes of The Sopranos while I'm out here.
Yup, forgot to mention that. ?!?!? Charlotte calls me and asks for my address in NY so she can send headshots and resumes because she's sending me for an audition I'll be REALLY happy about. That was literally all she needed to say because I've told her since 2001 I would give both nuts and maybe a few inches to be ANY part of that show. Now truth be told, as I'm not a SAG actor there's just not a whole lot I could pull off other than something extremely minimal - but I don't give a fuck. To run coffee for one DAY on that set means I was part of what I feel is the greatest show television has ever produced. Yet...
...it SLIPPED MY MIND. lmao HAHAHA. I wrote that entire entry, and it wasn't even an ASIDE. I'm realizing now that my entire concept of "normal" is getting permanently erased. The Journey is about to be a completely differnt site...if it hasn't already changed forever already. For nearly 3 weeks now every high has been followed by a bigger high and the second I try to stabilize myself from the new height I get lifted up another level. I expect to have lunch with Yoko Ono tomorrow and do a Journey song from the Imagine piano. I mean, it's fun - don't get me wrong - but it is so overwhelming... perfect example:
Yesterday, got another call from the producer at CBS giving me the time for the meeting (10:30 AM on Wednesday) and letting me know they had a meeting about everything and they want to meet with me to run some things by me, see how I feel about some things. As she has been this entire time, there's this jovial attitude from her (like the "it's your agent" line) that instantly screams: "Don't worry, you're gonna be very happy..." I had to sit down. Donna and I were walking on the street and I told her what was said and she was excited and was like:  "Aren't you happy! You should be doing cartwheels!" and I just said:  "My body says sit.. I'm-a-sittin'".
When they called 3 weeks ago to say they wanted me in New York I did cartwheels. Now for some reason, my head just can't conceive everything. It's like I woke up one day and I'm in New York City with the most incredible woman, the most incredible news, and at every turn my best moments are getting trumped by the following day. I will admit however that it did finally knock me to my knees Thursday after the "agent" call. I was calling everyone and telling them the news as Donna watched me pace like a madman in Chad's apartment. Unbeknownst to me she wrote this in a little journal and it literally turned me into jello:
Little boy pacing, to the tune
Of an ancient grumble.
Happiness breaking into a song
And a smile on your soft lips
Your big eyes dancing,
Seeking, seeing, beaming.
From elated to concentrated in
A second, joy bouncing about like
Electron-children in a haze around
You; beneath your feet,
Cloud 9 with every silver lining.
Fortune is for you, brave beauty
And your love of the life that
You leave so graciously about you.
Run, love, run. Run with your gift
And be fueled by your passion.
Whew, I'm completely in tears right now reading that again. You guys see it yet? Can you see just how overwhelming this all is now? Is that the most beautiful thing you've ever read? Has anyone ever known or gotten me to this extent? It kills me because I know what both Cassi and Jess are feeling reading that but I would hope that even they can step back and say: "Woah. Adam's met his match." The connection is completely undeniable. That last stanza is literally written by someone who has known me her entire life.
Hopefully I'm conveying this story sincerely and you reading it can really feel this. I've put my entire nervous system into The Journey and I felt like I was spending so much time documenting the events that I was missing the entire point of the project which was to express how events are shaping who I am. As I said before my entire concept of "normal" is being erased. I am so much higher than I've ever been that even the worst case scenarios are off the chart good. I now peruse the last 7 years and I don't see me, I see an old friend that I constantly want to hug. Everything has changed.
Pretty good month man...pretty good month.
PS - the video is actually of a conversation with Keith I had but he created some good faces for me. And as always, Chad's ability to evoke emotion with his camera is unparalleled. Wait'll I show you some of his Afghanistan pics. Breathtaking.