I have to
document this. I'm being changed on an hourly basis
and this journal is my only means of staying grounded.
There is no better way to describe my head right now,
than telling you what I forgot to tell you
in the last entry. This slip of the mind occured to me
last night and I had to just shake my
head...
I'm auditioning
for the last few episodes of The Sopranos while I'm
out here.
Yup, forgot to
mention that. ?!?!? Charlotte calls me and asks for my
address in NY so she can send headshots and
resumes because she's sending me for an audition I'll
be REALLY happy about. That was literally all she
needed to say because I've told her since 2001
I would give both nuts and maybe a few inches to
be ANY part of that show. Now truth be told, as
I'm not a SAG actor there's just not a whole lot
I could pull off other than something extremely
minimal - but I don't give a fuck. To run coffee
for one DAY on that set means I was part of what
I feel is the greatest show television has ever
produced. Yet...
...it
SLIPPED MY MIND. lmao HAHAHA. I wrote that
entire entry, and it wasn't even an ASIDE. I'm
realizing now that my entire concept of "normal" is
getting permanently erased. The Journey is about to be
a completely differnt site...if it hasn't
already changed forever already. For nearly 3 weeks
now every high has been followed by a bigger high and
the second I try to stabilize myself from the new
height I get lifted up another level.
I expect to have lunch with Yoko Ono tomorrow and
do a Journey song from the Imagine piano. I mean,
it's fun - don't get me wrong - but it is so
overwhelming... perfect example:
Yesterday, got
another call from the producer at CBS giving me the
time for the meeting (10:30 AM on Wednesday) and
letting me know they had a meeting about everything
and they want to meet with me to run some things by
me, see how I feel about some things. As she has
been this entire time, there's this jovial attitude
from her (like the "it's your agent" line) that
instantly screams: "Don't worry, you're gonna be very
happy..." I had to sit down. Donna and I were
walking on the street and I told her what was
said and she was excited and was like: "Aren't
you happy! You should be doing cartwheels!" and
I just said: "My body says sit..
I'm-a-sittin'".
When they called 3
weeks ago to say they wanted me in New York I did
cartwheels. Now for some reason, my head just can't
conceive everything. It's like I woke up one day
and I'm in New York City with the most incredible
woman, the most incredible news, and at every turn my
best moments are getting trumped by the following day.
I will admit however that it did finally knock me
to my knees Thursday after the "agent" call. I
was calling everyone and telling them the news as
Donna watched me pace like a madman in Chad's
apartment. Unbeknownst to me she wrote this in a
little journal and it literally turned me into
jello:
Little boy pacing, to the
tune
Of an ancient
grumble.
Happiness breaking into a
song
And a smile on your soft
lips
Your big eyes
dancing,
Seeking, seeing,
beaming.
From elated to concentrated
in
A second, joy bouncing
about like
Electron-children in a haze
around
You; beneath your
feet,
Cloud 9 with every silver
lining.
Fortune is for you, brave
beauty
And your love of the life
that
You leave so graciously
about you.
Run, love, run. Run with
your gift
And be fueled by your
passion.
Whew, I'm
completely in tears right now reading that again. You
guys see it yet? Can you see just how overwhelming
this all is now? Is that the most beautiful thing
you've ever read? Has anyone ever known or gotten me
to this extent? It kills me because I know what
both Cassi and Jess are feeling reading that but
I would hope that even they can step back and
say: "Woah. Adam's met his match." The connection is
completely undeniable. That last stanza is literally
written by someone who has known me her entire life.
Hopefully I'm
conveying this story sincerely and you reading it can
really feel this. I've put my entire nervous system
into The Journey and I felt like I was
spending so much time documenting the events that
I was missing the entire point of the project
which was to express how events are shaping who
I am. As I said before my entire concept of
"normal" is being erased. I am so much higher than
I've ever been that even the worst case scenarios are
off the chart good. I now peruse the last 7 years and
I don't see me, I see an old friend that
I constantly want to hug. Everything has
changed.
Pretty good month
man...pretty good month.
Adam
PS -
the
video
is actually of a conversation with Keith
I had but he created some good faces
for me. And as always, Chad's ability to
evoke emotion with his camera is
unparalleled. Wait'll I show you some
of his Afghanistan pics.
Breathtaking.
