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unlocked on 10.06.06 & YouTube link added 12.22.07

11:55 PM, Sunday, September 10th, 2006:
To those of you who have followed this for any length of time, you know what it's time for: The Analyzation.

It's just the normal pattern when shit like this happens. I treat it like a puzzle and I try to figure every angle. However this could be one of the first entries someone at CBS may read...and I'm just not ready to risk ANYTHING. So it'll remain locked for the time being. Gotta be cautious here, but I can't not write this entry - it's huge.
It isn't long before your next thought after "HOLY BALLS" is "What are they thinking..." As was the case with America's Got Talent we have a small amount of information and we're left imagining the production meeting where they decided to fly me in and what they're planning to do with me. So here's what we know as fact, or as I said a couple months back - the "known, knowns":

1 - According to the segment producer I was the "sentimental favorite" in the office, and she said: "I told you my boss was obsessed with you (laughing)"
2 - Other quotes I remember verbatim: "We want you on the show" "We want you to introduce the winner of the competition"
3 - I called back and verified that "on the show" meant actually THERE in New York (you all heard it)
4 - The only thing the winner of the competition gets is to perform live in-studio.
5 - The winner is announced Friday, the 15th.
6 - The winner performs Wednesday, the 20th.
7 - They want me there on the 20th to introduce the winner live.
8 - I lost the 2nd round to Ditchwater.
9 - Shizzle is a lover-pupper. :-)


Throw all that together and my first question is: Why? Why would they build-up a 3 month long competition leading to one act getting to perform live in-studio...and then have one of the losers be on as well? And not one of the final round losers, an early round loser. Seems rather confusing to the audience doesn't it? How will they possibly make it look right? Will they introduce me? Will they do a piece on me? Puzzling.
They started this competition to legitmately find a star. The competition was invented because Sony signed a Sandi Thom to a record contract just from her songs on the net. It is completely in their best interest to discover the biggest star possible. For the rest of that person's career CBS will always be their start. So it's a pretty good assumption that the producers are talking with their connections as we speak about the 3 finalists. Again, it would only help them if they can give the winner some sort of leg-up because it will just bring more exposure to their show.
So what do I think happened in the meetings? Here's my best guess given the info I got. And I swear to you this is as unbiased as humanly possible, I'm just taking all the pieces I have and trying to figure it out:
The competition didn't garner what they wanted. NOT TO SAY THEY WEREN'T TALENTED. Let me clear that up right here. I honestly thought Ditchwater was good (although they aren't winning it - a country singer finalist has 75,000 mysace friends - game over) Maybe they shopped the finalists around and the interest just wasn't there? Just guessing really. But we do know there was one act that the entire office loved, the boss in particular, and instead of having internet voting control their ability to really discover a star - they decided to make up a reason to give the act THEY thought was best get exposure. In the end it doesn't matter if the winner got their start on "Living Room Live", if anyone makes it, it can always be said:  "He/She was discovered on CBS' Early Show in the "Living Room Live" competition.
Now as arrogant as all that is, I think most of you assumed the same thing. There's no other way to explain bringing a random 2nd round loser on...LIVE - to get what was supposed to be the PRIZE for the winner. But there's one more wrinkle:
Any of you think it's strange I'm being flown all the way to New York, put up in a hotel, and appearing live on their show... to say:  "And now...Ditchwater!" (I know they're not winng, but for irony's sake that would ROCK) for 2 seconds? Seems like that would be rather meaningless. Confuses the fuck out of the audience, and doesn't really expose me. You have to think there's something more in store. You have to think they have a reason to fly me there other than those 2 seconds. I mean hey, if I'm wrong what's my worst case scenario? Free trip to my favorite city in the world? The experience of being on live national television? I'll live with that...
...but I believe wholeheartedly that there's more in store. I really think they want to do more with me or they wouldn't even bother. Probably not on the 20th, but somewhere. What if the producers talked to development at CBS and they were interested? Not just from the little Trinitron bit but the tiniest bit of effort into researching me and you get everything from "Let's Bomb Iran" to all the songs, to the bits... it really isn't a stretch to think they would believe I have potential to become a name. I mean for all intents and purposes they're risking the integrity of a 3 month long competition by randomly having a 2nd round loser get the same exposure as the winner of the whole thing - it stands to reason they wouldn't risk that for an emcee. Hell or even one piece on me and an introduction. If that were the case they could do a piece on me AFTER the competition was over. No matter how you look at it, signs point to there being more to this than meets the eye. Again, if I'm wrong the worst case-scenario is still the coolest shit that has ever happened to me, but in all honesty, I don't see it.
There is of course the possibility that I get that call next week and she says: "Nevermind". Seriously. I actually give it a 50/50 shot because of everything I just wrote! It makes NOOOOOOO sense to the audience! It looks completely out of place. They may re-evaluate it again next week and say: "Man, this just isn't gonna work..." And if all they want is for me to be on camera introducing the band, and then ship me back to LA - I would probably have to agree with whoever steps in and nixes the idea. Because that idea alone really, REALLY doesn't make sense.
Forget the egg on the face, I'm made of eggs at this point and I'm just gonna say it: they're gonna help me make it. They're straight up setting me up to be on TV in a much grander capacity. Someone is interested in me for something else. There just isn't another reasonable explanation.
I can say unequivocally: this is the crossroads, this is the turning point, this is the moment everything changes. It is abundantly clear that for the first time, I actually have a group of people (on the inside of the industry) that can make me a name and clearly want to...and THEY actually have a legitimate motivation to do it.
I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey...
...whose conclusion is uncertain.
PS - No matter what though... I'm alright. ;-)
It doesn't matter what the future holds,
I've been through the highs, the lows, the hot, the cold,
I love the art I make, the stories told...
No matter what the fate is I'm alright, yes I'm alright,
I believe in who I am so I'm alright,
Yes I'm alright, yes I'm alright,
The Journey never ends so I'm alright...
For once my happiness depends on me,
The rest is just a drug I take or leave,
And if all the crack dries up and I just be...
I'll blame the Journey Gods 'cause I'm alright, yes I'm alright,
I believe in who I am so I'm alright,
Yes I'm alright, yes I'm alright,
The Journey never ends so I'm alright...