It occured to me
late last night that I may have misunderstood The
Early Show producer and that this isn't live. The
thought just jumped in my head and the more
I thought about it the more I couldn't STOP
thinking about it. Now she NEVER said video.
Never said "tape a bit" - nothing like that. She said
quite clearly that they were having the winner on the
show and they wanted me to "be on the show" to
introduce them. As I'm replaying the conversation in
my head, it seems quite obvious she meant live and not
taping a 4tvs bit (which fuck, that would be quite
difficult to tell you the truth). But also never
said: "booking a flight" at any point in the
conversation. Or "flying you in" - she just said the
winner will be on the show (which we know from the
competition is indeed "live") and that the office
"loved me" and wanted me to be on the show too.
Christ, as I type this I'm even doubting my
doubts...
...but I write
this for one reason: Welcome to the Journey. This is
proof that it's actually a form of abuse. You are so
used to getting bitch-slapped that words lose all
meaning. You're so used to Lucy taking the ball away
that you start to believe that the football
ISN'T EVEN THERE to begin with. So now
it's not a matter of losing it next week as
I mentioned in the entry - did I ipso-facto
lose it before I even had it? It's sad isn't it?
I was happy for what 12 hours until my mind found the
loophole? I swear, once I get somehwere,
ANYWHERE, where the goal isn't just ANY type of
exposure - it won't be this bad. But when you've come
so close so many tmes and the end result is total
anonymity, it changes you. God how it changes you.
Hope she calls back soon.
I
cannot tell you how happy I am that
this entry exists. THIS is what "The
Journey" is all about. As I said
previously - this shit is like an abusive
relationship. The thing is, from the
producer's perspective, they only fly
guests in... oh about 10 times a week
right? So it doesn't occur to them that
they have to speak in KINDERGARTEN
sentences to a guest like me. HAHAHA.
Alright Adam, stop
thinking of loopholes. Stop helping Lucy swipe
your ball. You're gonna be alright. Enjoy yourself.
Watch some football, workout like a madman to get rid
of the 10 pounds that national television camera is
gonna add and get some Crest White Strips. LOL. That
was Charlotte's advice - she said they're a great
little trick to whiten that smile in a small amount of
time.
