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YouTube link added 01.31.09
4:44 PM, Monday, July 31st, 2006:
There is something extremely personal about how I deal with everything that has no business being on paper (errrr on monitor) or being shared with anyone. Yet it pops its head up every now and then simply because I personally need to remind myself of the toll The Journey is. It makes no sense to the casual reader, you see a guy screamin' and singing some strange song - but it means everything to me.
At some point the whole thing will probably converge into some true hollywood story or some tabloid cover but right now it sets within these pages as strange little markers scattered throughout an otherwise "open" story. The Journey has layers you can't imagine.
I have no idea whether the past 4 months will stand alone in this crazy story or they're just the start of a non-stop barrage of shit that I will have to decipher and work through for the forseeable future. I do know that this has been the most difficult period I have ever had to chronicle - EVER. I'm not sure how I can manage to keep up if things get any more hectic. 54 entries in 4 months is just out of control. And that's not even touching on how much of a toll it has all been emotionally to keep everything up. Seriously - scroll through just the titles and entry names starting April 1st. Un, fucking, believeable what has occured in the past 4 months and even more astounding that I'm still standing. And since there are quite a few contacts and possibilities that aren't going anywhere anytime soon, this ain't over. Hell, "America's Got Talent" starts their second season in JANUARY - so it's quite clear that I'm most likely in the midst of this roller coaster, not at the end.
Amazingly, I am stronger now than I've ever been. This is the sort of thing that beats your ass so hard - that you stand up stronger. THESE 4 months build character. This is a different type of stress than I've ever experienced. The stress of losing big opprtunities is infinitely more fun than the stress of anonymity and not having the slightest clue which way to go. I always got the stupid-ass words of wisdom from people about dealing with all this LA shit and what they never realized was that - I'm not even in the GAME. NOW I am. It's a game full of rejections and heartbreak - but I'm happy that's even HAPPENING. I will almost shed a tear when I actually don't get the ball ripped away from me at the last second. As I said before - that's almost comforting...because I've been there so long. I also know, it won't go on forever. I'm too good. I know, arrogant coming from mr. no-name at 30 - but I fuckin' am. At some point, I'll be the guy bumping the next kid off the Olbermann Show. That's right - it will be MY addiction to oxy-contin and my future arrests that will get the spotlight! LMAO.
The past 4 months however I have to put behind me. The toll it's taken on my body and soul is very high. It won't happen again. I know the triggers to my self-destruction (I sure can make gaining a couple pounds sound dramtic eh?) and I'm stronger because of it. I've spent all day today working on the yard and flushing out all the shit that has built up in my body as the past month or so has tested me on every level imaginable. Thank the fuck Christ I have no penchant for drugs or alcohol. Oh and thank the fuck Christ for Billy-Bob Thornton who uttered those 4 words in Bad Santa and changed my vocabulary for the better. I love how incredibly filthy that movie is. We've come to combinations folks. We've abused the language so hard for so long that we're down to a mixture of bad words giving us the satisfactory feeling of word-shock that at one time "damnit" could emit.
Ever notice the majority of my paragraphs start off with a concise direction and then unravel into the synapses of my brain? I am the worst writer ever...yet I love reading shit written like this. Go figure.
-I will finish the "Typing on Eggshells" entries next month (Journey willing)...
-I will introduce a whole new avenue of possibilities as Charlotte is on-board with the whole videogame show idea and has already spoken with G4...
-I will start the series of entries involving the next cartoon: "The Bible Told Me So"...
And of course we still have the CBS/Early Show contact and hopefully the spotlight of Dewey's piece and the end of America's Got Talent - Season 1 and hopefully looking forward to some changes in the show that will get me in. Oh and... I need a job.
The adventure continues...