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uploaded 07.14.06 - YouTube link added 01.31.09
9:07 PM, Friday, May 7th, 2005:
Why is it always something? I mean you just have to wonder sometimes: Will this really be a journey of neeeeeeearly making it...for decades? Can't be, right? Not possible...right?
When they showed the contestants earlier in the week I was taken aback that they would allow an act so clearly lip-syncing... then I went on their myspace page and realized they were a professional act in Chicago (17,000 friends strong) and then later even realized they were already signed to a record contract on a label.
I mean, I know I walk the line of professional/amateur more than most of the acts that have been shown - but what the fuck? I'm only professional because of the way I present my shit... this band has, been, signed. They have the pull of a label which alone makes their reach miles longer. Hell just the fact that they can email 17,000 people at the drop of a hat destroys anything I could do. Then you add in the label itself and their contacts/ability to get the word out... it's insurmountable.
So to test, I had 4 computers running the "Trinitraptions" as I did for the previous round, and I picked "3 Feet Up" 'cause they made me laugh. We did just about the same amount as last time when I won by 67%...
...and they still destroyed us. See that 69% Ditchwater got was including our mass of votes (which was a test-run for this upcoming round) and it not only didn't even make a dent... they won by even more. It's daunting to say the least and at most ridiculously unfair. I just don't see what the point is of having an unlimited voting contest, and allowing acts that have a record contract and the ability to easily outmarket those who are simply IN THEIR LIVING ROOM (ahem) LIVE... showing off their talents. The end result is gonna be 3 bands with record contracts fighting to be...discovered? (sigh)
Don't get me wrong, I'm still gonna vote - and still want everyone to try their hardest but if you were privy to the numbers we were able to put towards "3 Feet Up" and then realize that Ditchwater got over 4 times as many...you too would be wondering how in fuck's sake Lucy is managing to pull the ball away AGAIN. And each time I realistically believe that this time I'm gonna kick it through the uprights.
And what kills me even more is that I was so honest with my hatred toward the unlimited voting from the beginning. Even though I used it to my advantage in Round 1, I was still pissed that I wasn't involved in a contest based on TALENT. That's all I've ever wanted in my entire life... yet it is uncanny just how I seem to not be a "fit" for any judgement of talent...ever. It looks perfect and then it falls through for something completely out of my control. I just can't fathom how that is possible.
(sigh) This is just too much right now. It was easy to split emotions (grandmother/competition) when they were opposite feelings. Now they seem to be merging together with each situation fueling the other. I want to fight this, but it just seems like the writing is on the wall for the Early Show. And again, what amazes me is that it's not the winning that I want so bad, it's the "not losing". It's the relief of 8 full weeks of simply feeling normal again. Of having a goal to work towards without constant disappointment.
550 entries. Jesus.