YouTube link added 02.01.09
4:34 PM, Thursday, June 15th, 2006:
Completely ridiculous that it took a month to find out what I already knew, but it is finally over. After several messages this week, my point person finally called back to let me know they were on to the 2nd round. So if anyone else is wondering if they're getting a callback, you can stop now. For those who may have skipped the other entries and are just reading the AGT ones - there was a taping on the 5th and 10th and I spoke with my point person right before those and she said I was still in the running, but as I wrote previously Regis was quite clear in the taping I saw:  "Here's the west coast auditioners!" so NONE of this made sense to me. I also found out that who we thought was a "producer" was actually the "Director of Talent" and she loved it. I was on her favorites list and the talent team did choose my act. The producers then selected the acts from the talent team's suggestions. And as you know the producers picked me on May 4th, booked me for the show, then something mysteriously changed 24 hours later. I no longer care to even guess anymore, it is done...
...but CHRIST what a paralyzing process this last month has been. I truly feel like I lost a month of my life. On May 15th, when I initially found out - I spent a few hours of reflection, tore down my set-up the following day and was moving on. Then of course as you've read, saw the taping, spoke with the point person and all the sudden it was all in the air again. Although there was no real reason for it... I completely froze. New cartoon? Nothing. Another job? Nothing. Hell, get out of bed and keep your eyes open until you have to close them again that night? BARELY. I can't defend it because I don't even understand it. All I know is that my heart is an open book, and I let things flow openly through me. This is what my body needed to deal with this situation. The reality is, this very well could have been "the big one" for my career. Little things will come and go in the rest of my life, but you all know what I would have done on that show (and again, wait until you see it next Wednesday), and it is a MAJOR crossroads in my life. So I guess it's understandable that I've been in such a daze. Heh, and I still contend that none of you reading this will understand ANY of it... until you watch that first show.
Oddly enough, on the "America's Got Talent" message boards someone else is pretty pissed:

Okay so you do this huge casting all over, people with actual talent travel and spend money to audition. But instead of letting the talented battle it out you choose the people you want in the finals and then scrape the bottom of the barrel of losers to fill in as fodder? Not getting it and also looks like not using the actual auditions anymore I guess don't want to show that a lot of talent was overlooked to rig it for the talented ones taken to LA. Really sad we expected a little fodder not the majority of the show to be fodder.. And we get it the beautiful and very talented singer is going to win yeah for her!

LOL - ouch. I don't completely agree with this. I had no problem with that part of the show. I think the really bad people are funny as hell, much funnier than the American Idol fodder, because frankly - the really talented people can be kinda boring at times. It can be more interesting to see just how creatively bad people can be. And really, what does this person expect? Of course they picked who they thought would win. You don't think American Idol does that? You know how many talented singers never even get to AUDITION for Simon, Randy and Paula simply because the producers want certain stories and looks? Welcome to television man. The only thing that might ring true from this posting is that there's too much crap which really does limit the real talent from being part of the show, but that remains to be seen. From the taping I went to, it didn't seem to be that unbalanced. I think the show is gonna be really funny to tell you the truth. I probably won't watch more than the first taping though. It's just too painful.
Man, you'd think there'd be more to tell being that this is only the 2nd entry of the month (after 17 in the previous TWO months) but there isn't. I get up, I think a lot, I try to concentrate on things but can't, I just sort of move in slow motion. I have a feeling however that this call today will finally change that. Everything is back in my control now and I have to look ahead at the other opportunities I can create. I'm still not convinced 4tvs as a concept has enough in it to keep pushing it (especially since doing it now would mean nearly $10,000 of upgrades), but the door isn't closed. I'm just following my heart right now, and not undercutting any emotion. They're there for a reason. This will happen again to me before it's said and done and I will keep going as I always have because at my core I'm a survivor.
There's also a lot of unrest in my head about everything. I touched on it in the last entry (and yes, there are 2 more in the "typing on eggshells" series coming), but things don't feel right to me. I still feel like I'm on a completely different page than Charlotte on so much... not that that's a bad thing honestly, but I can't put my finger on what the problem is. It just feels too much like 2002 and there's seemingly no growth to it other than I really want to make a positive out of all this. That alone isn't enough...I don't think. (sigh)
What an interesting time.
PS - this was a "ringtone" song that kept playing in my AIM box and I always dug it. Found an instrumental track - and voila, new song. Fun stuff. Here's an mp3 as well.
Oh, and yeah - since you can't understand a lick of the words:
If you lookin at me thinkin' I'm a stop, other shoe'll drop,
Maybe you just waitin' for a breakdown,
I'm a survivor, I'm a soul survivor...
I've been through it all, seen the rise and fall, waitin' for the calls,
Even caught believin' that I got one,
But I'm a survivor, I'm a soul survivor...
Then you wait and you know that the break's now,
Then it drops you ain't got what it takes now,
You believed and it laughed in your face how,
Do you get up, try again, that's the breaks now,
You dig in, gonna win, it's the time then,
You perfom, It's the one, work the rhyme then,
They believe, give you hope, it's sublime then,
Nevermind, here's a dime, not the time friend...
Can't believe, what I give, this journey,
Rather read, than to live this journey,
Feel so captive to the journey,
Sometime it feels like it ends on a gurney,
You forget what it costs just to be here,
There's a line that I crossed just to be here,
There's a life that I tossed just to be here,
There's a wife that I lost just to be here,
Goddamn, 'how much more' is a mantra,
I am, just a whore to the drama,
I slam every door with a comma,
Just a man, at his core, needs a momma,
Do you hear all the fear in my soul now?
Do you cheer my career like a goal now?
Or do you jeer, do you snear, like a troll now?
Do you peer just to smear every HOLE now?