YouTube link added 02.02.09
2:34 PM, Tuesday, May 16th, 2005:
A new breakdown for the ABC show revealed it's an "extreme sports" type of show where they're looking for amazing physical acts. I never had much vested in it, so that just kind of rolls off my back honestly, but I bring it up for the people that have been thinking that was the silver lining in all this. Alas, it is not. America's Got Talent really was the moment and it's gone. So let's take that in shall we? Good, good. Breathe. Nice. In, out... right. There you go. I also have to address that "silver lining" attitude when it comes to this industry. I think it actually hurts you. How do I explain this...
Although I have always tried to make positives out of negatives, I never sell the negative short. It's not that I give power to it... but I absolutely accept it and process it. I've noticed many of you have tried to skip the pain by saying: "Oh the next thing will work! ABC here we come! It's no big deal!" Of course eventually you get to that point, but that can't be your immediate response. When you short change an emotion, you bottle up sooooooo much. This was the biggest thing to happen to me in my entire life. Bar none. It was the biggest opportunity I have EVER had to showcase my talents. It was a once in a lifetime moment (for my first 30 years anyway), and losing it should be devastating. This is supposed to hurt. It's supposed to kick your ass. And you have to feel that.
Now that that's out of the way... wow. Are you KIDDING me? Even as I wrote the last few entries about all the things that could go wrong... I always believed I'd be on the show. I mean, let's summarize this shall we?
-I audition for a talent show that I am absolutely perfect for on NBC.
-They like it and have me stay after for an interview.
-They film a bit of me pushing my TVs up to the registration desk.
-A couple weeks later we're told I'm on "the favorites list" (previously unposted info btw)
-A week later I get the callback, they book me for the rehearsals and 2 days of taping.
It's like I'm trying to break the record of just how close I can get, without EVER getting to showcase my talents. Yes, the guy in a huge balloon, jumping up and down onstage will get more exposure than me. I won't even be in the try-outs, I won't even be in a promo...I am erased from existence. Why? Because I have no equal. They can't pit me against anyone in the show. The format is literally gonna be 2 people going up against each other in almost a playoff type atmosphere and I simply don't match up. Once again, the multitude of talents shown in my act is actually a hindrance to me making it...on a TALENT show. I'd be better off singing in a real a capella band, and not play all the parts. There Alanis.... THAT is ironic. By the way, here's how I found out. I wrote this to one of the producers:
In the 7 years that have passed since I first performed 4tvs, I have been one Charlie Brown football kick away from breaking out in this industry only to have the act just not "fit". It's hilarious, but it's not edgy enough. It's a crowd pleaser but it's not musical enough. It's original, but doesn't fit the category of "stand-up". Lucy has always found a reason to yank the ball away before I ever get a chance to show just how far I can kick it. I implore you to find a way that I can participate in your show. Implore, beg, plea... because if this thing doesn't fit on a variety show like this, it truly will never fit anywhere.
To think that I am so close again, only to have the act be too unique is absolutely devastating. I hope you'll focus on the reasons to include the act as opposed to the reasons it doesn't fit. Unconventional talent never fits into the ready-made squares that came before and you really hold the power to showcase something never seen before.
Please, please, please try and find a way to make this work, and realize the act can cater to any category you need it to - just need to let me know.
Call me with any questions,
And seriously, I bet Charlie Brown was the "Adam Vinatieri" of Cartoon place kickers yet that STUPID BITCH just kept fuckin' with him. Man that is such a great analogy to the Journey. I reservedly recognize my arch-enemy Chris from the boards for drawing that conclusion. (sigh) Welcome to the Player's Club. LOL. Anyway, the replies went as follows:
did they pass on you? who was your point person here other than me?
They gave me the callback, told me to be ready for the rehearsals today - and the taping on friday and saturday...
...then ****** called back and said - "well, we're not sure now..."
Anguishing huh? Don't know what to make of it - but I assume categorizing the act is tough...
Any information would be so greatly appreciated, you can't imagine...
sorry, I did check into it....they did pass
Not because you're not good enough, but they are putting a balance of
acts on the show
I sincerely wish you well.
Couple that with the MSNBC "You're on tomorrow!" bump, and even the tease of the ABC show... and you know what it's really like. Seriously, even isolated from the last 7 years, April & May '06 have been the exact intention of this project. You really understand what it's like to try and achieve your dreams in this industry. The emotion captured in the entries and videos is as genuine as you'll ever find, and every single one of you who followed just these 2 months, felt it in your GUT when you read the last entry. It really is an extraordinary story. One that I've never read in such detail before, and I'm intensely proud of that.
4tvs however, is done. It was done last summer and it remains so. It is a cancer unto itself. It is a blessing and a curse. It is fulfilling as an artist, but suicide as a success story. I've done all I can think of with it, and at this point would have to invest nearly $7000 in it to truly "perform" it anymore. This talent show really was a once in a lifetime opportunity to showcase it and somehow even then, the act's innate uniqueness killed the opportunity again. It has caused more pain and disappointment than joy and at some point, you just have to bench it. I love you to DEATH 4tvs. I've given my nervous system to you... but I cannot expend any more energy in furthering you. To that kid in 1999 I've spent the last few weeks reading about, I am truly sorry. I wanted it to work out for you sooooooooooo bad. My heart goes out to you.
It's funny, a couple months ago I had a choice to make. I was at #498 and had 2 stories to tell. One was "Let's Bomb Iran" and one was refinancing my house. I chose the refi as #500. It looked ridiculous. The introduction of one of the coolest videos I've ever made (that would lead to my first national exposure) at #499? Adam, you goofed...
...I think it's clear now, that I didn't. I am in this for life, with all the rain that goes with it.