blacked out until 05.08.06 - YouTube link added 02.03.09
7:42 PM, Friday, May 5th, 2006:
You know, in all honesty, when Christopha shoots up in The Sopranos - he looks really happy. I mean I know it gets in the way of his business and so forth, but he just looks so damn happy. Yeah...
So they called back just now and basically said: "Remember everything we told you yesterday? Yeah, well scratch that. We've figured out a bit more on how the first couple episodes are gonna go, and we don't need you for the taping. It doesn't mean you're not in, but right now we don't know."
Blink, blink.
She could give no more information, couldn't explain anything more. Just that I'm not needed, they'd call if they did need me.
Blink, blink.
So in one moment I go from thinking I'm going to win a million dollar talent show (an idea that I've even further burned into my brain as I'm so goddamn focused) to thinking I'll probably not even be on the show.
As I said at the start of this month:  Welcome to The Journey. I am typing 1,000 words a minute right now so I don't lose my ever-lovin-mother-fuckin-big-mac-truckin' mind.
So I immediately called Charlotte and had her call the producer she knows. She called left a message and I asked her to call after 9, because my minutes are gonna be such a factor this month. I gotta say, I may actually need to meet her for coffee or something. The lady actually said she was about to leave but decided to let me know as soon as possible. I gotta say: 7:45 on a Friday night... let that one wait until Monday. My weekend is absolutely, 100% destroyed, unless Charlotte gets ahold of her contact which at this late hour is unlikely.
Breathe, breathe.
Man, what do I look like right now. I'm so morbid, I'm so getting my camera and pointing it at my face just to see what absolute devastation looks like.
Wow. It looks like the onset of Parkinson's. That's the most surreal video I've ever done.
45 minutes until 9. This is unbelieveable. The most numb feeling I've ever had. I have to keep rereading the entry to even comprehend it. You understand drugs and alcohol in Hollywood now? I'm so lucky that my biggest vice is food, and situations like this actually keep me from eating. I do however need to stop my head right now.
Let's see if James hits it....
...holy shit - Jones did. The Cavs won. That made my heart flutter for a minute, so I guess it still works. Man if that girl had any idea what this would do. I mean she's just a messenger - shitty gig I guess, but seriously - if I'm not on the first big 2 hour premiere... I just can't process this. I'm spacing out like I was in the video. I have to stop writing.
30 more minutes. It's in your hands Charlotte. Help me rationalize this.