blacked out until 05.08.06 -
YouTube
link added
02.03.09
7:42 PM, Friday,
May 5th, 2006:
You know, in all
honesty, when Christopha shoots up in The Sopranos -
he looks really happy. I mean I know it
gets in the way of his business and so forth, but he
just looks so damn happy. Yeah...
So they called
back just now and basically said: "Remember everything
we told you yesterday? Yeah, well scratch that. We've
figured out a bit more on how the first couple
episodes are gonna go, and we don't need you for the
taping. It doesn't mean you're not in, but right now
we don't know."
Blink,
blink.
She could give no
more information, couldn't explain anything more. Just
that I'm not needed, they'd call if they did need
me.
Blink,
blink.
So in one moment
I go from thinking I'm going to win a million
dollar talent show (an idea that I've even further
burned into my brain as I'm so goddamn focused) to
thinking I'll probably not even be on the
show.
As I said at
the start of this month: Welcome to The Journey.
I am typing 1,000 words a minute right now so
I don't lose my
ever-lovin-mother-fuckin-big-mac-truckin'
mind.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.
So
I immediately called Charlotte and had her call
the producer she knows. She called left a message and
I asked her to call after 9, because my minutes
are gonna be such a factor this month. I gotta
say, I may actually need to meet her for coffee
or something. The lady actually said she was about to
leave but decided to let me know as soon as possible.
I gotta say: 7:45 on a Friday night... let that
one wait until Monday. My weekend is absolutely, 100%
destroyed, unless Charlotte gets ahold of her contact
which at this late hour is unlikely.
Breathe, breathe.
Man, what do
I look like right now. I'm so morbid, I'm so
getting my camera and pointing it at my face just to
see what absolute devastation looks like.
Wow.
It looks like the onset of Parkinson's.
That's the most surreal video I've ever
done.
45 minutes until
9. This is unbelieveable. The most numb feeling I've
ever had. I have to keep rereading the entry to
even comprehend it. You understand drugs and alcohol
in Hollywood now? I'm so lucky that my biggest vice is
food, and situations like this actually keep me
from eating. I do however need to stop my head
right now.
Let's see if James
hits it....
...holy shit -
Jones did. The Cavs won. That made my heart flutter
for a minute, so I guess it still works. Man if
that girl had any idea what this would do. I mean
she's just a messenger - shitty gig I guess, but
seriously - if I'm not on the first big 2 hour
premiere... I just can't process this. I'm
spacing out like I was in the video. I have
to stop writing.
30 more minutes.
It's in your hands Charlotte. Help me rationalize
this.
