I've struggled
with writing about this for a few days as this has
become such a huge news story in LA, and I don't
want to exploit that, but after the most recent news
it's so overwhelming that I need to address it.
This has always been my therapy and I need it now
more than ever.
Friday morning
when I noticed that Taja wasn't at work, it was a big
deal. If another loan officer isn't there, whatever -
we're all 100% commission, you don't come to work
it's your own paycheck - and several people don't.
Taja however ran the show. She opened the building
every morning. She's the lady that you first saw when
you interviewed. She's the lady that brings you all
your supplies at your new desk. When free-food Friday
came around, she would serve the meals personally and
did it like a mom. Made sure you had your veggies and
gave you what she thought you needed and you
smiled and were grateful. For me personally she would
sneak a postage stamp or two on a personal item, as
long as I got her a cup of ice at the coffee bean
downstairs. When I left the job initially back in
September, she took me aside and said: "I know you'll
be back hon." and she was right. So when she never
showed up last Friday morning, we alllllllll knew
something was wrong.
Every
one of us felt comfortable over the
weekend that it had to be that she
needed the time and was dealing with
personal issues. You hear stories of
people that just can't take it anymore and
they just BOOK, completely out of
character. But by Monday morning when she
didn't show up, we could no longer assume
that. Our HR lady went to the police and
by that afternoon they were able to get
her face on the top of every newscast in
LA. It was one of the most surreal things
I've ever experienced. My co-workers and
friends crying and pleading for our Taja
to come back with the media
everywhere
at the office. It just didn't sink
in.
Tonight however,
it did. They found her body shot, execution style, in
the back of her car. To watch the breaking news come
over the television was gut-wrenching. I'd have given
anything to have heard it from a friend at work before
seeing it like this. I just broke down.
I didn't believe it. I did something I feel
so sorry for now, I called work and when the
receptionist answered I just stammered: "Is
that it?!! Is that it?!? What...I...." and she started
to cry, as I'm doing right now.. fuck. "Is it really
over? Was that her?!?!" God I just kept
saying it, and then heard her cry and just apolgized
and said I'd see her tomorrow. I just didn't want to
believe it and your mind really can't comprehend what
you're seeing on the television. It's such an out of
body experience.
Unfortunately, the
story behind the murder is one out of a Hollywood
script. This was clearly not a random murder, she had
just inherited an extraordinary amount of money from
her mother's death last fall, she actually left
Thursday to go to the bank and close an account
because money was missing. As well she was pregnant
and the finger pointing now is so dramatic, which
makes it so much harder to deal with. You want to know
WHY!!? WHAT HAPPENED?!?
WHO DID THIS?!?! And when it's so
sinister...it makes it nearly IMPOSSIBLE to
have closure. I understand far too well why friends
and family members of victims have to know details.
You just keep playing them in your mind, over and over
and over. The emotional overload of any death is
extreme, but when it's a murder - it's a completely
different feeling. Sickening.
I'm still just
shocked and saddened, but the anger is coming soon.
What is so striking
is
that she is the
singular person in the small office that touched
everyone. The mortgage business is very segmented and
even other loan officers can go weeks without ever
saying a word to each other. Taja however, you spoke
to several times a day and she made everyone feel
special. Tomorrow is going to be one of the hardest
days I've ever known. I want so badly to just
curl up into a ball. I feel like I have so much
on my plate right now and my head just can't take this
in, but this is NOT about me. I am part of
family at work, and our family has to come together
and get through this. I will not sit here and
pity myself when there's a 13 year old boy who just
lost his mother and his grandmother last
fall.
Hug your kids,
kiss your wife, pet your dog. It vanishes in the blink
of an eye.
