(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
YouTube link added 5.30.08
12:01 AM, Saturday, April 1st, 2006:
~* ~ ZAPPOW! ~* ~ RANDOM!!! ~* ~ ZAPPOW! ~* ~
~* ~ ZAPPOW! ~* ~ HAPPY!!! ~* ~ ZAPPOW! ~* ~
~* ~ ZAPPOW! ~* ~ DREARY!!! ~* ~ ZAPPOW! ~* ~
~* ~ ZAPPOW! ~* ~ ANGRY!!! ~* ~ ZAPPOW! ~* ~
Yes, 4 Journey Gods Strike on Entry 504 in the 4th month of the year on an entry about 4tvs, and someone I haven't talked to in 4 years. And as if that wasn't enough, wait until you read this entry. You'll never believe me. You ready for this?
So I see my ex-manager Charlotte jump online. Haven't talked to her in 4 years, and anyone who's read 2002 in the Journey knows why. It ended badly. As well, anyone who's read that whole previous year knows we were both very close. We both cared about each other and the product and it was a mess of emotions, egos, feelings, just shattered. But after 4 years, for some reason - I just IM'd her. Heh, another Charlotte IM after all this time:
Adam4tvs: how do i only see you on here once a year?
Charlotte: wow, that was strange I was about to IM you
Adam4tvs: wow
Charlotte: I had sent you an email and it came back undeliverable
Adam4tvs: really?
Adam4tvs: adamazon@4tvs.com
Adam4tvs: adam - is defunct
Charlotte: yup...not adam@4tvs.com
Charlotte: ohh
Charlotte: hold on while I look for the meial in my sent folder...btw, are u still doing the 4tvs show?
Adam4tvs: haven't for awhile...
Adam4tvs: doin more music stuff
Adam4tvs: protest stuff
Adam4tvs: life stuff
Adam4tvs: not necessarily in that order
Adam4tvs: ;-)
Charlotte: plenty to protest these days
Charlotte: but don't get me started
Adam4tvs: yeah - went nuts last year and quit my job and marched in washington
Adam4tvs: great songs/video
Charlotte: wow


My phone rings. It's Jessica. She says "guess what I found?" and proceeds to play a recording from her tape player. On that tape is my background scratch tape (what I use to time everything for 4tvs) for…The Trinitrons. Not the show The Trinitrons, but the 2 minute demo I made for if I ever had to do a quick bit for TV or an audition. At the time I told her: "Oh weird, must have left that in your recorder... huh. Guess who I'm talking too!!!" And I proceed to tell her, holy shit I'm talking to Charlotte after all this time. I continue with Charlotte:
Adam4tvs: 2005 was a pretty cool year for that
Adam4tvs: katrina PISSED me off
Adam4tvs: like to a whole different level
Charlotte: interesting...I have been working with some old non-profit friends with starting a non profit to take away the 4 letter stigma that the word Liberal has
Adam4tvs: http://4tvs.com/media/journey/yearsix/453.wmv
Charlotte: Katrina was more shocking to me thatn 9/11...it was hard to believe you lived in the US
Adam4tvs: i actually think not wasting lives on a made up war is CONSERVATIVE
Adam4tvs: funny how that makes me liberal (sigh)
Adam4tvs: ooh ooh! and I got to be "G" but not in a funny way...
Adam4tvs: http://4tvs.com/media/journey/yearsix/462.wmv
Adam4tvs: lol
Charlotte: oh there are plenty of conservatives who agree that this war is insane, but being called is conservative is not taken as an insult
Adam4tvs: right...
Charlotte: well I was sending you an email becuase Simon Cowell of American Idol is producing a new tv show about variety acts of all kinds and they are having auditions in early april and thought it might be something that interested you
Adam4tvs: age limit?
Charlotte: none
Adam4tvs: that bastard has fucked me every year on idol
Adam4tvs: lol
Charlotte: lol
Charlotte: and they give you time to set up equipment if needed
Adam4tvs: ...
Adam4tvs: what are you thinking right now
Adam4tvs: and stop thinking about what you're thinking
Adam4tvs: lol
Charlotte: I was thinking what the amn title was too look it up
Adam4tvs: ?
Adam4tvs: i literally dont understand what you're trying to say...
Adam4tvs: amn title?
Charlotte: go audition if you are interested
Charlotte: damn title of the show that was listed on breakdowns but I found the email and forwarded it to you
Adam4tvs: ...reading...
Hello there stranger,
I don't know what is compelling me to send this, but I am. Not sure if you are still doing 4tvs or not, but I thought I would pass this along.
Director of Talent/Producer: Hedda Muskat
Location: LA, NY, Chicago, Atlanta
******************@*********.**** TO CONFIRM YOUR AUDITION RESERVATION!
OR CALL: ***-***-****
Simon Cowell & The Producers from AMERICAN IDOL, team up with NBC in the search for the hottest variety & novelty acts from across the country in a new talent competition series!
Do you believe you are the next big undiscovered talent in America?
Then audition at one of our open calls for the chance at being Simon's next big discovery!
Talents of all kinds are invited to try out. Individuals and groups welcome, singers, dancers, animal acts, bizarre novelty acts, magicians, comedians, belly dancers....all ages...the sky's the limit!!
The series which is currently scheduled to premier this summer will feature an array of hopeful future stars as they compete for the chance to win a gigantic $$$CASH$$$ FIRST GRAND PRIZE!
Don't miss your opportunity to perform in front of a panel of celebrity judges on national television and prove to America you have what it takes to be the next BIG STAR!
Also, let us know if you have an elaborate set up, such as bands, illusionists, animals...so we can give you time to set up.
Please come to the audition dressed in as much of your costume as possible.
Candidates must be either a US citizen, legal permanent resident of the US, or possess a current legal visa allowing you to seek employment freely in the US.
Animals: must have proper immunization papers
Singers: prepare 2nd number
Call us if you have animals or are performing physical and/or dangerous stunts as there is paperwork we need you to fill out before.
Please note that Producer reserves the right to refuse an audition to any individual or act, in its sole discretion.
Doors open at 10:00 a.m.
Thurs. April 6 & Fri. April 7 & Sat. April 8
Sheraton Los Angeles Downtown Hotel
711 South Hope St. (south side of Wilshire)
Wed. April 12 & Thurs. April 13
The W Hotel Chicago City Center
172 West Adams St.
CHICAGO, IL, 60603
Mon. April 17
The Westin Hotel-Times Square
270 West 43rd St.
Wed. April 19
Crowne Plaza New York-La Guardia
104-04 Ditmars Blvd.
Sat. April 22 & Sun. April 23
(address TBA)

Ahem. Your head spinnin' yet?
Charlotte and I talked a bit more online, then for about 2 hours the next day, yesterday. Whew. I'll get back to that in a minute...first:
American Idol for Variety Acts? Why didn't they just say: "American Idol for Adam Kontras, who kept getting fucked by the age limit on the original show"? LMAO. I hesitated for the tiniest of seconds whether to do it, but knew right away - I had to. It's Journey fodder. My hesitation is simply because...4tvs is no more. The towers are torn down, the "computer" that ran it is no longer… I mean, I would literally have to start over. It would take a tremendous amount of work, even for Mr. Workaholic here. As well, the trailer is filled, with the pieces of the tower at the BOTTOM of many boxes. And, I would have to store the stuff in it, and …blah blah blah - it's a lot of shit. And who's to know if it will even work now? It was so ragged near the end, it was limping at the finish line...but here's my theory:
Get myself, rag-tag, to the audition. Do this.
STOP IT. Go back. Watch it. Then continue (damn you skimmers!)...
Can you BELIEVE that's what Jessica called me up and played me in the middle of the conversation. Holy shit lickers. I just can't be-fuggin'-lieve it. And is that bit not just MAAAAAAAAAADE for this show? Now I know the towers are a mess and will barely hold the TVs for another performance, but gimme those 2 minutes to pull it off. They film the auditions. If I get to the next round, I invest, and I invest big. I always knew how I'd "rebuild" the 4tvs setup if given the opportunity. It would be cool to show a progression in the set-up as I continue. After the 1st round, my plan would be something I talked about previously…end each bit with a cliffhanger - having America have to vote for me to figure out what happens next. It's the perfect plan. Once I put all that together in my head, there was no stopping my head. I for all intents and purposes… lost it.
Listen, I have 80 things in my head at all times anyway. Be it, a song I'm writing, to the next part of Bomb Iran, to the Amazon debacle, to loans at work, to my relationships, to where I'm at on my xbox 360 games to The Sopranos. It's how I move. However, only one of those things is obsessive: Bomb Iran. That's one of those things that has the potential to be much, much, much bigger. Now add in this - and I can't sleep. And believe it or not, by the end of this entry - I'll add in another piece that is just as big as the previous two, BRIMMING with potential that literally makes my head spin.
So yesterday I talk to Charlotte for the first time in 4 years, nearly to the day. 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, how fucked up is that? This is where the other 2 Journey Gods strike. What transpired in that hour or so that we talked conjured up so many emotions. I was sitting in 2001. I was talking to Charlotte about an upcoming venue for The Trinitrons. Man, I was there. I felt that high again guys. I felt the week before "The Comedy Store" again. I also felt the extreme sadness of a break-up that in many respects was harder than Jessica. I mean, I can still talk to Jessica. We're still a source of support and friendship to each other. But Charlotte? Whew...read early 2002. You'll understand.
And even in our short conversation (Relatively speaking) twinges of anger still popped up as I was reminded of things that just rubbed me the wrong way. Charlotte is extremely intelligent, but categorizes and generalizes to an extreeeeeeeeeeme extent. I was always this type of person, in this race or gender - and she could never seem to let go of that. Drives me crazy. In fact one of the last things she wrote to me was that if I were truly a creative person, I would've been creating more than just "The Journey". That line still angers me. Of alllllllllll the things to pidgeon-hole me as. It's like she's delusionally stubborn. LOL. At the same time, that's exactly what I like about her. She's the "bitch" you want on your side of the fight. But goddamn...the fight. Am I ready to fight again? I mean 2001 fight it? Time will tell.
Now to finish this part out, I left a few voicemails and emailed the people at American Talent (That's the name of the show) because I need to know for damn sure they can arrange a set-up time. I got an email back right away:
Dear Future Star,
Please provide the following information to ************@******.***** and ***** will set you up on our pre-booking list: We will also send you an e-mail of confirmation.
Audition City
Audition Date
Email Address
Phone Number
By pre-booking on the audition list you can show up at anytime after the auditions begin and bypass the open call line. We're looking for your best 3-5 minutes. We do have a system to play cassettes and CDs.
Thank you!
I have not gotten the confirmation yet, so I'm still kinda freaking out. The fact that I did however get this email back means I'm probably not too late. Tomorrow starts the massive rebuild no matter what because I simply have no other time to do it. But I have to get that time slot. Seriously, not one of you reading, believes for a second that judges judging the TALENT of a variety act could watch 5 of the same guy interacting onstage at the same time, and not at least pass it on to the next round. It's a no-brainer. The problem…is getting that opportunity to set-up. Fuck me. Hold your breath…
…now exhale for a second, listen to this, then hold it again:
Michael Moore is making a Katrina movie. He postponed his Health Care movie for a year in order to release the Katrina movie this year. Now I knew this last year. But for SOME fucking reason I never put 2 & 2 together. I'm sure all of you have made the connection by now:
DUH. Could it be more obvious? Did anyone ever write a Katrina Song? I mean, Air America still uses it on Mother Jones Radio whenever they talk about it…it is the perfect match for a montage during a documentary about that event. I can't even fathom Michael Moore not seeing that video or hearing that song… and not saying: "Yeah, we're using that." It's the most obvious connection AND: it's sincere. That's the part that nails it. I wrote that song on Thursday night that week out of absolute frustration and anger…not to be in a movie. Not to sell a record, not to do anything but SCREAM how much I HURT at what I was watching on the television. The song feels that genuine too. It's the perfect marriage, and of course - now all I have to do is get him to hear it.
So I start emailing from every email I can, and just no response. Thursday I have lunch with Gary and tell him about it and he says - "man, see if you can figure out the management company, I'll put a call in from my office at Universal Music… I bet I'll at least get a callback quicker than the thousands of emails he gets." Fuckin' WORD. Then while sitting there, I remember that Lions Gate produces his films, and Gary says: "Oh shit man, I know someone at Lions Gate - he'll point us right to him."
Making it is 95% about opportunity. Most people who really go at it out in LA or NY have the talents and abilities, but few ever get a real opportunity to show them to the right people. For me, that's been doubly hard. I mean, if you think you are "the shit" actor - you go on auditions, you have that path right there. Everything I've done, while impressive, hasn't really had an avenue. 4tvs, and American Talent are perfect. They go hand in hand. Where was this damn show 4 years ago. Same with Leaderless State: it literally only has a life with something like a movie. It's not a hit single, and is very narrow, but as part of a soundtrack to this documentary? It's PERFECT. I just need the opportunity to get Mr. Moore to CLICK THIS LINK.
And there ya go. It's always a phone call, an email, an IM, a MOMENT in your life away...as long as you stay in the city, and keep goin'. This shit doesn't happen in Columbus, Ohio. It really goes without saying, but it's times like this where that's exactly how I think, and I just need to express it AGAIN in here. I have to remind myself that on almost a daily basis. Because I feel like I did sacrifice a shitload with very, very, very little to show for it. People who have been in this city for several years, really understand it though. You always feel like you're RIGHT THERE. The break can happen the next time you hit send/receive on your email. You feel that so strongly you stay forever. You're blinded to everything else. It's so hard to explain to those who stopped believing "the dream" at one point or another.
So I'll sit here for the next several hours/days - waiting so desperately for that phone call. Waiting so desperately for that email… anything that lets me know I'm gonna get that opportunity. I'll also wait for you guys to realize that it's April 1st and that for the 7th year in a row you were HAD. But most of you won't even get that far. You skimmers you.