YouTube link added 02.03.09
8:18 PM, Thursday, March 10th, 2006:

It was supposed to be the culmination of the LA dream. It was supposed to be the big move to New York…

…well for about a weekend anyway.
Yes, last October while in New York I was almost certain that I would go home, make a ton of money, and move to NY this month. All culminating with my last entry from LA being #500, with #501 being the start of the NY Journey. However before the pixels were even dry on that entry, I already knew this was gonna be a stretch. Yes, I still packed up my trailer and started "downsizing" my life for the tiny studio apartment that awaited… but in gearing up for the "jump", I realized I was 30, not 20.
The difference? At 30 you know just how bad things can get, and just how lucky you happen to be. I mean, seriously - I have a home, dogs, the ability to raise a family with a great "day-gig" ANNNNNNNNNND I'm still in an entertainment mecca so my dreams will never die. Ever. I feel like the luckiest man in the world. So the prospect of giving that up to live in a 6x10 room and start all over? With no real "reason" to move? Whew. It's no longer romantic to me, it's insane. Up to this point in my life, I really have no huge regrets. The closest would obviously be Jessica, but as more time passes it's pretty apparent how much happier she is in Columbus and just how unhappy I would have been back there.
So with all that said… today I signed a "30 year fixed" on the house. Gulp. To those who know nothing about mortgages, a 30 year fixed mortgage is pretty much only a good option if you plan on staying in your home for 30 years. Otherwise you're just throwin' money out the window because of how much "up-front" interest you're paying (10-15 years worth). I even bought down the rate to 5% (as low as humanly possible) knowing I was keepin' the house. I won't make up the extra fees for like 10 years. LOL. So to decide to do this meant searching every inch of my soul for what the rest of my life was gonna look like.
Realize also, that I know full well that I may not live in this house for 30 years - in fact without a doubt I'll "move up" at some point - but it's a perfect rental that both Jess and I will be able to rely on down the road (Jess and I are splitting the investment 50/50). But I am now attached to this city; heart, soul, mind, body and bank account until I'm 60+. It took 500 entries, but there's no longer any doubt of whether or not I'm gonna have to "give-up" and go back to Columbus.
That's what today marks. The end of the "what-if" game. It's never gonna happen. I'm not moving back. I've withstood so much inertia pulling me towards that city and today, it really does end. To put it mildly, this has changed my life. And I'm not exaggerating because this is #500. This is most definitely the biggest crossroad ever in "The Journey". Not sure if it's glaringly obvious to the reader, but one of the biggest detriments to "making it" when you attempt a move to a big entertainment mecca is just dealing with constant instability. Most don't know if they'll be here 6 months let alone 6 years. Although that "struggle" can help the "art" of a situation, it can kill the "dream" immediately. In fact, this journey shows that better than anything. Had it not been for "Hollywood Screentest" only 4 months into this, we would've been back in Ohio…well, right around 6 months.
So with this entry, I am a "lifer" in this Journey. The "dream" will never die. I have secured at worst a good life in LA. Let me put this into real terms for you guys, I've now set myself up, to be able to make only $30,000 a year - and maintain my current lifestyle. !!?!?! Home, dogs, everything that happened in 2005... I could do every year for the rest of my life on about $30,000 a Los Angeles?!?! That's fucking ridiculous. I am blessed beyond belief. To still be standing where I am in March of 2006 is incredible to me, and I don't take it for granted for a second. So many people would have been "defeated" after all that is packed into the last 6 ½ years, and I somehow keep comin' out alright. It really forces you to look ahead…
…and I have to admit, my career is still in the back of my mind every second of the day. Yes, I most certainly stopped the incessant push towards "making it" last year - but it was purely out of exhaustion. It was me just stopping the attack on my psyche that told me every second: "YOU'RE NOT DOING ENOUGH". I finally yelled back and said: "FUCK YOU, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO." And that voice in my head stopped, and I decompressed. Well, that decompression is ending. I'm starting to arrange things in my life well enough to actually be able to take a look at everything and find a way to attack it again. And obviously - the poilitcal songs certainly seem to be a cool niche right now. gets me excited. The way I see the cartoon turning out, gets me excited. It's one of those insanely overwhelming projects that most people wouldn't do… and that's why I'm so attracted to it. The other 3 songs/videos on that site are really good, and if this cartoon turns out just as good… It's a great collection. I figure I need one more original song (not a parody) and I have a good 5 video DVD / 5 song EP that is really unique. And I'm obviously passionate about it. I wholeheartedly believe we're in an extremely important time in our country and I feel pushed to do my part. Just following my heart. When have we heard THAT before…
Jesus…I'm half way to 1000. Fuck. This Journey is absolutely extraordinary isn't it? A new reader is actually starting from the beginning. It's funny, every year or so - someone attempts this gargantuan feat. I still say that if you read all of 2000, you can't help but keep going.
Anyway, I started to read along with her when I clicked on this video. The very first Journey video of me smuggling J-Dog into the elevator on our way out to LA. I criiiiiiiiiiiiied. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I can imagine Jess watching it right now and doing the same thing. It's this overwhelming feeling of "Holy fuck have we come a long way since that moment." The amount of shit that has transpired in the 500 videos since that one is almost nauseating.
I just want to grab that guy in that video and hug him. It's like this strange "Back to the Future 2" moment and I'm watching Adam take his cat onto the elevator from down the hall. I just want to reassure him: "You're gonna be alright man. You're gonna think at times that it can't get any worse, and it somehow will...but you'll be alright."
And I will always be heartbroken that Jess isn't part of this anymore. Always. The Journey isn't the same without her. It has a bit of "soul" chunked away. That will never stop being sad to me. I just want to make sure she achieves her dreams. Everytime I talk to her I just want to put her on my shoulders and help her get higher than she is. Goddamn that feeling is so overwhelming. Strange.
Anyway, I can only imagine when I get to 1000, what clicking Entry 750's video will feel like. What a surreal way to chronicle your life! Imagine all your memories being at the click of a button. It's like going back in time, in a way I'm not sure anyone on the planet can do. I mean I know movie stars can go back and watch themselves at a younger age, and of course now with reality TV - you can really see who you were at a period of time...but it's never this long. Or this embarrasingly real. I mean to be able to skip through 6 years of your life like this… whew: I'm just so proud of "The Journey". It will be the defining project of my life, no doubt.
Happy 500 Adam. Make the next 500 better. (sigh, there's that voice again - lol)