YouTube link added 02.03.09
4:22 PM, Sunday, February 12th, 2006:
As I watched the blizzard over Central Park, a place I wanted so desperately to be by this time, I knew what I had to do...
...and it's getting harder to even conceive of NYC.
I see no chance of giving that above picture (nice one cassi) up completely. At most I'll be bi-coastal. Pricey little scenario, but far more feasible than even dreaming of sacrificing days like this in mid-February. Beautiful Sunday afternoons being active and smiling at the sun. 72 degrees and a coooool breeze blowing over you. The way to spend your last day of leisure before starting the next phase of your life.
I make it sound so drastic, but the way I is. To play the role of "loan officer" takes a method actor, no doubt. So starting at 6:45 AM tomorrow morning, I will get up and play corporate man with the hour + commute on the 405 South and eat, sleep and drink loans. For how long? Rabidly, probably 3 months. After that, I'll coast for a bit. However, if I really hit a groove - I think I'm gonna ride it longer. The fact that 2-3 months of work last year paid for a year-long care free life with trips all over the country/world, it's hard to not be kind of excited about the prospect of really workin' my ass off to stockpile. And I can't help it, having money in the bank makes me smile. It makes me free. And if that means having a stressful job for a few months so be it.
But what a nice hiatus. Man, even my unproductive time is...well productive. September - January for the site has some really, really cool moments. From Katrina, to the March on Washington, to NYC, to the 27 hour wait for the 360 (ok I may be the only one who thinks that's cool - LOL), I've never had the opportunity to just forget about all my cares for such an extended period of time. Hardly think of money, hardly think of work, just let my heart go where it wanted and create more art for the site. It's addictive I tell ya. Seriously, just going to Journey Mountain today...
...was spiritual for me. I don't really know what's come over me lately. I'm just...overjoyed with the simplest things in life. I am sooooooooooooo grateful for everything I have. Cassi and I pulled our cars into my big-ass driveway behind the house to wash 'em and I was just so friggin' happy to have...a big-ass driveway. So grateful to get to wash my car that's almost paid off. So excited to be able to drive for 15 minutes to climb my favorite little mountain and take pictures of lizards. :-)
And that's really what these 6 months did for me. With something as little as the campfire in the backyard. It allowed me to be happy being here... as opposed to being guilt-stricken and distraught over what I was sacrificing. I fell in love, not only with "Smiley Girl", but with everything in my proximity. For some reason, the glass was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay full, and has been for quite some time now.
Stands to reason that I'm setting myself up for some catastrophic event to hit me like a ton of bricks - but the life drama really, really is done. I have no doubts about who I am, or where I should be. I'm completely satisfied with my life outside of the entertainment business. The question now is... what does that do to me creatively. Without struggle, there's no art. I mean, yeah that picture of the lizard could be art, but it's not my kind of art. What will inspire me now? What will keep me going? Man, it sure is scary jumpin' into the next chapter of your life...
...but sometimes, you just gotta jump.
(BTW - I scared the bejeezus out of Cassi the first time I did that. She screamed: "ADAM!?!?!". I was sure to lay down on the ledge below so it looked like I had just flung myself to certain death. Cute Adam. I proceeded to laugh uncontrollably at her reaction. God I'm a dick. Cassi screams because she thinks I'm jumping off a cliff and it's the highlight of my day. LOL)

Instant Karma's gonna get me.