There's really no
way around it, this past week I spent in Columbus
was one of the nicest I've ever had since I moved to
LA. I have tried to put my finger on it for days and
this morning I finally figured it out: Cassi and
I were most definitely going home...when we
boarded the plane back to LA. We knew that then and we
knew that the entire week we were in Columbus. Every
single one of her family members were happy to hear
about how she was doing in California. They talked
about when they could get out to LA to visit and
marveled at how strong she was for doing this. It was
so... uhm, normal? I mean, so normal that
I didn't even realize it until TODAY. I really
couldn't understand why this trip was so much better
than the previous 10. Yeah there was tension between
me and Jess's family, but we still had nice
visits...
...what we didn't
have, ever, was a moment where I believed Jess
felt like she was "just visiting". Never-ever, never,
never-ever. Literally our first trip back her mother
hugged her and said "come home". To her mother that
was a way of showing how much she missed her and loved
her. To me and Jess however, it created an EXTREME
amount of pressure/guilt/tension/anxiety and STRESS -
even on the trips where no words were spoken on the
matter (was there such a trip Jess?). It didn't matter
how many years we had been in LA, whether we had a
house, good jobs... every single time we came back
I knew Jess felt that pressure and I was
absolutely an extension of her. Let me again reiterate
that I DID HAVE FUN with her family
nearly every time we were together. I feel the need to
repeat that ad infinitum. I love and miss Jess's
nieces dearly and truly got along with everyone in her
family. It's not like they had
"WELCOME HOME" signs every time Jess walked
back into her house, but that undercurrent, that vibe
- was always there. And I truly never realized
that until this past trip where that pressure simply
did not exist.
It's a pretty big
life-lesson and it's why I'm highlighting it so
prominently in this entry. It's as big a part of
making it in this industry/world as anything I've
written about. Some in my family weren't
incredibly supportive, but I literally didn't give a
shit. I knew it was what I was meant to do and
could not live my life the way they felt
was right. Jess however, just isn't that type of
person. When her mother says "we miss you, please come
home", Jess is going to hug her mother and say "I love
you too, I miss you too"...and then try to ignore that
second part. Even when I finally begged Jess to
confront her mother about it, by that time it seems
Jess already agreed. She was at home when she
was visiting, and as angry as I am at her loved ones
for not giving her the support she needed...I'm hard
pressed to argue that the end result would have been
any different. I just don't know.
I do know for
certain, that Ohio is no longer my home. And it truly
took every bit of 6 years to "feel" that. For
Cassi, I'm not sure honestly. It'll be interesting to
watch someone who has never felt that
pressure/guilt/tension/anxiety and STRESS from your
"support" group. She says she absolutely feels like
LA is her home now and hell, she may actually
mean it. Her mother has already come out to visit her,
her grandmother and aunt are comin' in a couple months
and her father is planning a trip sometime this year.
Other than my father, not one of my family members has
visited me as I start my seventh year in
California. Believe me, that makes a fucking
HUGE difference in how you perceive the location
of your "home". And with the right support from her
family, it really seems like she's gonna be able to
pull off a life for herself in a state faaaaaaaaaaar
away from her loved ones...
...and
faaaaaaaaaaaaar away from temperatures in the 20s in
Ohio. It's so funny, but when you bitch in
LA about missing "Weather", you only miss the
"idea" of it... I swear to you. Because it
gets real old after oh, say, an hour. "Yup, this is
what cold feels like - and that, that is snow. Where's
the OFF button." By the middle of our week,
I was literally DREAMING of coming home and
enjoying the sun. And man, I got up today and
have worn a pair of boxers and nothing else while
walking from my studio to the house in 80+ degree
weather and loving every second of it. I even started
to get a bit under the weather on my last day in Ohio,
and now I don't even care because it's so nice
here. Strange aside:
Have any of you
ever realized just how much like being drunk it is to
get a cold? If you can ignore the head, ear ache,
nose...and just concentrate on how you feel... it's
like being drunk. Seems obvious, your body is on the
attack the same way it is when it's attacking the
POISON that is alcohol, but I never realized it
until yesterday. So I actually tried to
"enjoy" it. No shit. I set my mind to try and
ignore the bad stuff, and feel the high of
being loopy as I started to get sick. It was this
strange state of mind. I listened to music on my
PSP and just let my mind go... and ended up writing a
new parody protest song (more when I get the
video done) and this
skit.
This
strange, "who's on first", completely out
of nowhere little skit kept running over
and over in my head. On the FlyAway ride
back from the airport...just kept thinking
about the lines until finally this morning
I just had to do it to end the
goddamn voices in my head. LOL. It's a
cute a bit. The "Why can't I have one
of your napkins" still makes me laugh
because I really seem somewhat hurt
that he (errr me) won't give me a napkin.
Nice little bit of realism in
there.
But I post it only
because it's strange. What a cool way to make the most
out of your body being rundown and fuckin' with your
head.
Anyway, yes -
weather sucks, the good weather is literally making me
feel healthy and I won't bitch about LA's lack of
weather ever again. No weather is good weather, and
I need to not forget that.
Bad segue #2: and
I certainly can't forget the night Marty and Superfan
Ron's team finally won the big one:
Yes I got to sit
and watch Pittsburgh hold up their end of the bargain,
while again, my team was so stupid and arrogant they
couldn't even win
ONE FRIGGIN' PLAYOFF GAME since the
Bush administration...yeah, the OTHER Bush
administration. Grrrr. Marty was pretty stressed the
whole night:
Stood and paced
the whole game, just as I would've done. Superfan
Ron however just seemed to smile and
smile.
Happy day, happy
day - we're winning. Well let me just say you guys
barely deserved that win. Forget the two extremely
questionable calls against Seattle, Seattle simply
played "pre-season" ball. Bad clock management
happens in August, not February. The Steelers played
the worst half in recent memory and found themselves
up 7-3 at half-time. They played bad, Seattle played
worse...and yes, the interference call was bullshit -
and Big Ben didn't get into the endzone...however.
WILL THEY PLEASE PUT GOAL-LINE CAMS
on the fucking field already! The infamous replay of
that touchdown is from the RIGHT of the endzone,
so you can't really tell if he crossed the line. The
only way we could know would be if there was a camera
ON THE GOAL LINE. The more I think
about it, I believe some sort of motion capture
line, with detectors on the goalline and the ball
covered with detectors inside the lining of the ball
would end this once and for all. They need to get on
that now. That should never happen in the
Superbowl.
And finally,
I leave you with one picture that pretty much
says it all. I took my laptop in my laptop case to
Columbus, and only one other carry-on bag:
If that doesn't
prove I have a problem, I don't know what
does. You can barely make out one rolled shirt in
there. There's actually 2 more there, and
I literally WORE all of my clothes on the
plane. Yes, just like that stupid commercial. All in
an effort to have my 360 nearby.
