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YouTube link added 02.01.09
6:28 PM, Thursday, February 9th, 2006:
There's really no way around it, this past week I spent in Columbus was one of the nicest I've ever had since I moved to LA. I have tried to put my finger on it for days and this morning I finally figured it out: Cassi and I were most definitely going home...when we boarded the plane back to LA. We knew that then and we knew that the entire week we were in Columbus. Every single one of her family members were happy to hear about how she was doing in California. They talked about when they could get out to LA to visit and marveled at how strong she was for doing this. It was so... uhm, normal? I mean, so normal that I didn't even realize it until TODAY. I really couldn't understand why this trip was so much better than the previous 10. Yeah there was tension between me and Jess's family, but we still had nice visits...
...what we didn't have, ever, was a moment where I believed Jess felt like she was "just visiting". Never-ever, never, never-ever. Literally our first trip back her mother hugged her and said "come home". To her mother that was a way of showing how much she missed her and loved her. To me and Jess however, it created an EXTREME amount of pressure/guilt/tension/anxiety and STRESS - even on the trips where no words were spoken on the matter (was there such a trip Jess?). It didn't matter how many years we had been in LA, whether we had a house, good jobs... every single time we came back I knew Jess felt that pressure and I was absolutely an extension of her. Let me again reiterate that I DID HAVE FUN with her family nearly every time we were together. I feel the need to repeat that ad infinitum. I love and miss Jess's nieces dearly and truly got along with everyone in her family. It's not like they had "WELCOME HOME" signs every time Jess walked back into her house, but that undercurrent, that vibe - was always there. And I truly never realized that until this past trip where that pressure simply did not exist.
It's a pretty big life-lesson and it's why I'm highlighting it so prominently in this entry. It's as big a part of making it in this industry/world as anything I've written about. Some in my family weren't incredibly supportive, but I literally didn't give a shit. I knew it was what I was meant to do and could not live my life the way they felt was right. Jess however, just isn't that type of person. When her mother says "we miss you, please come home", Jess is going to hug her mother and say "I love you too, I miss you too"...and then try to ignore that second part. Even when I finally begged Jess to confront her mother about it, by that time it seems Jess already agreed. She was at home when she was visiting, and as angry as I am at her loved ones for not giving her the support she needed...I'm hard pressed to argue that the end result would have been any different. I just don't know.
I do know for certain, that Ohio is no longer my home. And it truly took every bit of 6 years to "feel" that. For Cassi, I'm not sure honestly. It'll be interesting to watch someone who has never felt that pressure/guilt/tension/anxiety and STRESS from your "support" group. She says she absolutely feels like LA is her home now and hell, she may actually mean it. Her mother has already come out to visit her, her grandmother and aunt are comin' in a couple months and her father is planning a trip sometime this year. Other than my father, not one of my family members has visited me as I start my seventh year in California. Believe me, that makes a fucking HUGE difference in how you perceive the location of your "home". And with the right support from her family, it really seems like she's gonna be able to pull off a life for herself in a state faaaaaaaaaaar away from her loved ones...
...and faaaaaaaaaaaaar away from temperatures in the 20s in Ohio. It's so funny, but when you bitch in LA about missing "Weather", you only miss the "idea" of it... I swear to you. Because it gets real old after oh, say, an hour. "Yup, this is what cold feels like - and that, that is snow. Where's the OFF button." By the middle of our week, I was literally DREAMING of coming home and enjoying the sun. And man, I got up today and have worn a pair of boxers and nothing else while walking from my studio to the house in 80+ degree weather and loving every second of it. I even started to get a bit under the weather on my last day in Ohio, and now I don't even care because it's so nice here. Strange aside:
Have any of you ever realized just how much like being drunk it is to get a cold? If you can ignore the head, ear ache, nose...and just concentrate on how you feel... it's like being drunk. Seems obvious, your body is on the attack the same way it is when it's attacking the POISON that is alcohol, but I never realized it until yesterday. So I actually tried to "enjoy" it. No shit. I set my mind to try and ignore the bad stuff, and feel the high of being loopy as I started to get sick. It was this strange state of mind. I listened to music on my PSP and just let my mind go... and ended up writing a new parody protest song (more when I get the video done) and this skit.
This strange, "who's on first", completely out of nowhere little skit kept running over and over in my head. On the FlyAway ride back from the airport...just kept thinking about the lines until finally this morning I just had to do it to end the goddamn voices in my head. LOL. It's a cute a bit. The "Why can't I have one of your napkins" still makes me laugh because I really seem somewhat hurt that he (errr me) won't give me a napkin. Nice little bit of realism in there.
But I post it only because it's strange. What a cool way to make the most out of your body being rundown and fuckin' with your head.
Anyway, yes - weather sucks, the good weather is literally making me feel healthy and I won't bitch about LA's lack of weather ever again. No weather is good weather, and I need to not forget that.
Bad segue #2: and I certainly can't forget the night Marty and Superfan Ron's team finally won the big one:
Yes I got to sit and watch Pittsburgh hold up their end of the bargain, while again, my team was so stupid and arrogant they couldn't even win ONE FRIGGIN' PLAYOFF GAME since the Bush administration...yeah, the OTHER Bush administration. Grrrr. Marty was pretty stressed the whole night:
Stood and paced the whole game, just as I would've done. Superfan Ron however just seemed to smile and smile.
Happy day, happy day - we're winning. Well let me just say you guys barely deserved that win. Forget the two extremely questionable calls against Seattle, Seattle simply played "pre-season" ball. Bad clock management happens in August, not February. The Steelers played the worst half in recent memory and found themselves up 7-3 at half-time. They played bad, Seattle played worse...and yes, the interference call was bullshit - and Big Ben didn't get into the endzone...however. WILL THEY PLEASE PUT GOAL-LINE CAMS on the fucking field already! The infamous replay of that touchdown is from the RIGHT of the endzone, so you can't really tell if he crossed the line. The only way we could know would be if there was a camera ON THE GOAL LINE. The more I think about it, I believe some sort of motion capture line, with detectors on the goalline and the ball covered with detectors inside the lining of the ball would end this once and for all. They need to get on that now. That should never happen in the Superbowl.
And finally, I leave you with one picture that pretty much says it all. I took my laptop in my laptop case to Columbus, and only one other carry-on bag:
If that doesn't prove I have a problem, I don't know what does. You can barely make out one rolled shirt in there. There's actually 2 more there, and I literally WORE all of my clothes on the plane. Yes, just like that stupid commercial. All in an effort to have my 360 nearby.
LOL. That picture is priceless.