(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
Wendesday, December 17th, 2008:
to emotional things always fascinate me. Why does bad
news feel like someone is hitting you in the chest?
Heartbreak actually feel like your heart is
constricting? Or really good news give you chills?
Make you well up or your throat constrict? And why
haven't we found a way to harness that? Or, gulp, is
that what the good drugs are like? Is smoking crack
like hearing the best news of your life? Hmmm, I'll
just keep working for better news, thank you very
So I was doing a
search on google to find an old wordpress version of
"The Journey" I was trying to put together when I
stumbled across this:
Not embarassed to
say it: chills over my entire body. The fact that I'm
the first isn't shocking, the word "blog" wasn't
a word when I started mine in May of 1999, and I
certainly knew no one was doing a video blog then...
but to be "widely considered" anything (that you
didn't "smoke & mirrors" yourself) is an
intense feeling. Next link?
This is when
I actually started to get a bit light headed. The
reason is it's so nonchalant. How had this become
accepted? And why all of the sudden? Then Andrew IM'd
So it's starting
to come together. Someone put it on Wikipedia, people
researched that while writing their stories and there
ya go. Now I had nothing to do with this whatsoever.
In fact Andrew wrote a bio for me on Wiki in 2005 and
they took it down because I was unknown. That was
before "Let's Bomb Iran" got tagged in the Beach Boys
entry as well as CBS and the Egos and now this.
Needless to say I'll be working on a bio again. But it
Again, it's the
absolute "everyone knows this" nonchalantness (and the
fact that they even feel the need to mention it) that
blows me away. It's even making it into print in small
town newspapers? Huh?
are kinda cool actually. It's a sign you know you've
made it when people are fuckin' shit up. Heh. The
Journey started 6 years before YouTube existed I
believe. Another said I started in 2004... etc.
etc. No matter. At this point in the day I'm emailing
everyone and am lightheaded and actually welling up a
bit. Most of you have to be asking why - 'cause
there's no new information and I've certainly had
bigger exposure than the internet. What made my chest
constrict, heart race and head dizzy was I am the
pioneer of a movement and no one is coming close to
refuting that. Somehow without me even trying it's
become a given fact that everyone agrees on. With this
title, and the right representation, I can pull
off anything. This sets me apart from everyone on the
planet and I have a zillion things in my bag once
I'm in the door.
If you're doing a
piece on MSNBC about video-blogging and need a
panel, guess whose name should pop-up? Think of every
scenario where "experts" go on TV to talk about
tech stuff. It's a no-brainer. With good
representation even a position on-staff with my
on-camera experience is a given. It's one of those
goofy little titles that no matter how bad you may
want to, you can't make it up. The "firsts" in several
(far less popular I might add) fields have gotten
everything from book deals to tv shows to speaking
engagements throughout the year, seminars... this
alone gives me that - but as you all know it's
just the housing. The Journey is the casing of the TV.
You then get to turn the TV on and there's a
LOOOOOOOOOT of shit on there.
I instantly wrote to my contact at Management 360
(introduced to me by the irreplaceable Laura Adler)
basically asking for help to see if there was anyone
he could pass me onto if they were too busy.
I know they're interested in repping me (this
entry may or may not be locked, sorry) but there's a
few more levels of meetings to go through and this
town is dead now until the new year. But I had to
show him these links and with all the sincere
desperation possible say: "I just need someone to
manage all this stuff because I'm losing opportunities
left and right." And it's the absolute truth. I now
have so many viable avenues to go in, and all have
been developed soooooooooo far, that putting a few
connected heads together should make 2009 blow the
fuck UP. It's enough to make your headspin and
I am so, fucking, proud of the fact that
I swallowed my pride this summer and added name
after name after name on Facebook - because all of
this has come up since then. I'm working on the entry
about that for the end of the year, but believe me it
killed me to put people on my mailing list that
had simply added me as a friend on Facebook.
I got some nasty emails and for a pussy
like me - it stuck with me. But I knew the content was
just too strong.
let all this sink in and I figured
for the video, it was time to put, what
I guess is, the very first video blog
ever... on YouTube. How unbelieveably
precious is this? Marty Moose holding the
camera, a tired Jess in the elevator
sneaking J-Dog into the hotel. And I'll
have you know that I brought my DESKTOP
computer and HUGE monitor into the
hotel room and paid long-distance dial-up
rates to upload this video to the site
'cause for some reason...
some reason I thought it was
important to attach a video to my journal.
831 entries later I'm in tears watching
it. I miss Jess. I miss 2000. I
miss having no idea how hard it would get.
Wow that first month of entries
transplants me like nothing
it was entitled 02 because I named the Shawshank
video from 12/26/99 "01" as it was the first non-4tvs
related video I uploaded. I was already
compressing clips for my show blog since May of
computers may not even be able to play that. For two
years that was the quality. And even THAT was too
big for most people to download. It's no wonder I was
the only one who did it then, you had to be fucking
crazy to think anyone would watch them.