(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
10:07 PM, Wendesday, December 17th, 2008:
Physical reactions to emotional things always fascinate me. Why does bad news feel like someone is hitting you in the chest? Heartbreak actually feel like your heart is constricting? Or really good news give you chills? Make you well up or your throat constrict? And why haven't we found a way to harness that? Or, gulp, is that what the good drugs are like? Is smoking crack like hearing the best news of your life? Hmmm, I'll just keep working for better news, thank you very much. :-)
So I was doing a search on google to find an old wordpress version of "The Journey" I was trying to put together when I stumbled across this:
Not embarassed to say it: chills over my entire body. The fact that I'm the first isn't shocking, the word "blog" wasn't a word when I started mine in May of 1999, and I certainly knew no one was doing a video blog then... but to be "widely considered" anything (that you didn't "smoke & mirrors" yourself) is an intense feeling. Next link?
This is when I actually started to get a bit light headed. The reason is it's so nonchalant. How had this become accepted? And why all of the sudden? Then Andrew IM'd me this:
So it's starting to come together. Someone put it on Wikipedia, people researched that while writing their stories and there ya go. Now I had nothing to do with this whatsoever. In fact Andrew wrote a bio for me on Wiki in 2005 and they took it down because I was unknown. That was before "Let's Bomb Iran" got tagged in the Beach Boys entry as well as CBS and the Egos and now this. Needless to say I'll be working on a bio again. But it keeps going...
Again, it's the absolute "everyone knows this" nonchalantness (and the fact that they even feel the need to mention it) that blows me away. It's even making it into print in small town newspapers? Huh?
The innacuracies are kinda cool actually. It's a sign you know you've made it when people are fuckin' shit up. Heh. The Journey started 6 years before YouTube existed I believe. Another said I started in 2004... etc. etc. No matter. At this point in the day I'm emailing everyone and am lightheaded and actually welling up a bit. Most of you have to be asking why - 'cause there's no new information and I've certainly had bigger exposure than the internet. What made my chest constrict, heart race and head dizzy was I am the pioneer of a movement and no one is coming close to refuting that. Somehow without me even trying it's become a given fact that everyone agrees on. With this title, and the right representation, I can pull off anything. This sets me apart from everyone on the planet and I have a zillion things in my bag once I'm in the door.
If you're doing a piece on MSNBC about video-blogging and need a panel, guess whose name should pop-up? Think of every scenario where "experts" go on TV to talk about tech stuff. It's a no-brainer. With good representation even a position on-staff with my on-camera experience is a given. It's one of those goofy little titles that no matter how bad you may want to, you can't make it up. The "firsts" in several (far less popular I might add) fields have gotten everything from book deals to tv shows to speaking engagements throughout the year, seminars... this alone gives me that - but as you all know it's just the housing. The Journey is the casing of the TV. You then get to turn the TV on and there's a LOOOOOOOOOT of shit on there.
So I instantly wrote to my contact at Management 360 (introduced to me by the irreplaceable Laura Adler) basically asking for help to see if there was anyone he could pass me onto if they were too busy. I know they're interested in repping me (this entry may or may not be locked, sorry) but there's a few more levels of meetings to go through and this town is dead now until the new year. But I had to show him these links and with all the sincere desperation possible say: "I just need someone to manage all this stuff because I'm losing opportunities left and right." And it's the absolute truth. I now have so many viable avenues to go in, and all have been developed soooooooooo far, that putting a few connected heads together should make 2009 blow the fuck UP. It's enough to make your headspin and I am so, fucking, proud of the fact that I swallowed my pride this summer and added name after name after name on Facebook - because all of this has come up since then. I'm working on the entry about that for the end of the year, but believe me it killed me to put people on my mailing list that had simply added me as a friend on Facebook. I got some nasty emails and for a pussy like me - it stuck with me. But I knew the content was just too strong.
Anyway, let all this sink in and I figured for the video, it was time to put, what I guess is, the very first video blog ever... on YouTube. How unbelieveably precious is this? Marty Moose holding the camera, a tired Jess in the elevator sneaking J-Dog into the hotel. And I'll have you know that I brought my DESKTOP computer and HUGE monitor into the hotel room and paid long-distance dial-up rates to upload this video to the site 'cause for some reason... whew...
...for some reason I thought it was important to attach a video to my journal. 831 entries later I'm in tears watching it. I miss Jess. I miss 2000. I miss having no idea how hard it would get. Wow that first month of entries transplants me like nothing can.

I love The Journey.


PS - you have to check out the original file for this: original video file "02 - Smuggling J.MPG"
(btw, it was entitled 02 because I named the Shawshank video from 12/26/99 "01" as it was the first non-4tvs related video I uploaded. I was already compressing clips for my show blog since May of '99)
Hell some computers may not even be able to play that. For two years that was the quality. And even THAT was too big for most people to download. It's no wonder I was the only one who did it then, you had to be fucking crazy to think anyone would watch them.