(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
10:00 AM,
Saturday, December 6th, 2008:
I swear to ya I'm
just reporting the actions of this "Adam" guy and will
leave the true analysis to the reader. This is
starting to get surreal.
Ever
since I wrote those "Future Thank
Yous" on Thanksgiving, I have had an
incredible sense of calm. An absolute
faith that that person is out there and
that all of this will add to the
appreciation I have for that person
and vice-versa. It seems I'm so certain
that it's going to happen I'm writing
happy love songs to her. So ipso-facto I'm
writing a love song to my thoughts. Which
also ipso-facto means I'm fucking insane.
As is anyone who uses ipso-facto three
sentences in a row.
So I
picked up a guitar and wrote and recorded
this little ditty last night. Take a
moment to enjoy...
Made an
mp3 so you can hear it in stereo. For some reason the
compression kills the background vocals. Good 90
second break on your ipod shuffle. :-)
Newcomers may not
notice it right away - but that doesn't sound like an
Adam song at all. LOL. It's like I fell into the
movie Juno for an hour and then woke up. I even
put in the movie afterwards and although the style is
the same - it's not a stolen melody whatsoever. It
really is an original. And one that began 15 years
ago...
It's 1993, I'm
with Burgundie and "Wink & a Smile" is the
song in my head. I'm known to have several Harry
Connick Jr. melodies rattling around in my noggin and
at the time this was his newest (featured in
"Sleepless in Seattle"). In a note to me (what we used
before texting, children) Burg ended it by
saying: "We go together like tape
& sticky." A line that is so indubitably
Burg. I can hear her snort laugh as she says it.
I've always been in love with how anti-poetic the
mixture of those two words are. Whereas "Wink
& a Smile" rolls of fyour tongue almost too
good, "Tape & Sticky" is real love. Real love
sometimes doesn't roll off your tongue but it's true
and oftentimes sticky. HA. Gotta get out of this
paragraph before the urge for crassness overwhelms
me...
So everything else
kind of wrote itself. I always try to make a different
sound for every Journey song but without production
that can be difficult. However the goofiness of the
title made it work quite easily and as I said -
when I was done I was certain I had ripped
it off. I put in Juno and again... although the
same style - totally different melody. But yeah, this
feels like it should be a video with an animated
opening without a doubt. Heh. The video is actually
interesting (only to me I'm sure). It was not intended
to have a visual component. As you can tell I'm
focusing directly on the mic because in my mind at the
time I was just trying to record the tracks to put
OVER a different video. I look at the display
after the first two lines because it seemed like a
good take and I wanted to see the time (17:43 -
christ why would anyone need to know that detail
Adam). Anyway, I just ran out of time so
I added the words to that video and figure
someday later I might use it for something. It's a
catchy little tune...
...but again it's
to absolutely nobody, but will be at some point.
That's strange right? I just know. I can't explain how
clear it is to me right now that my idea of love is
possible. Ugh, and then here's the connundrum which is
an entry by itself:
If
I believe love can conquer all, I have to
admit that no one has ever really loved
me.
Grrrr. I mean
I don't have to admit that, but if
I don't the two theories contradict themselves.
Can't say love conquers all if Jess needed to be close
to her family with or without me... right? Then again
I don't think I loved her any less because
I wasn't willing to move back to Ohio, but might
there have been someone I would have done that
for? Maybe I really don't believe love conquers all?
Maybe I'm too self-centered? Considering I'm writing
these questions TO MYSELF it's certainly a
possibility right? LMAO.
The real answer is
when you love someone you never put them in that
position. And when I think of it that way I do
have to admit that my relationship with Jess was
probably not as strong as I'd like to believe it was.
We made an unbelieveably selfless decision and years
later we know more than ever it was the right one, but
anyone can easily argue that had we really loved each
other we never would've let go. However I'm too happy
with the outcome to worry about that. Either way we
made the right decision. Makes no difference at this
point why.
But yeah for some
reason I have complete faith that my past is no longer
a hindrence to me finding happiness - it's a litmus
test. The woman who takes the time to understand it?
Who simply lets her wall down enough to connect? It'll
flow. I know it can, I know it will and in the
meantime I'm gonna keep enjoying the goofy little love
songs.
And, uhm, you
should too because this shit ain't gonna last.
HA.
