11:45 AM, Friday, October 24th, 2008:
I'm gone for two weeks... (sigh)

So not only do I come back to a whirlwind of eaten mail and a destroyed house, but CeBe's in love? How the huh? Yes, while I'm out meeting with CBS trying to provide for HER future, a network that literally NAMED Ms. CeBe Snazzypants (C.B.S.) she meets up with a rather infamous dog named Brian, they destroy my house, eat my couch cushions and all of my alcohol is gone, yet I have new martini glasses? What the hell? And although I'm impressed at the class of dog CeBe runs with, I'm a little perturbed. I know Brian, and Brian isn't into black chicks. At all. My sweet CeBe was just "played".

Brian, I know your game dawg. We're entering the Obama era. To further your credibility you feel the need to use my sweet CeBe to show how "hip" you are? But no, it's even deeper than that. You not only use her for your credibility? You use her because her father knows a thing or two about the 'net. Low. Leaving a DVD with a formal endorsement of Barack Obama with her? You know how bad she is at email... you think she can convert this into a YouTube video? She still tries to put her laptop in the mail slot Brian. No, you knew exactly what you were doing - and you knew damn well I would post this secret footage because I'm a "view count" whore and couldn't pass up it up. I feel so dirty. So used.
However - good call on the candidate. Not that there's much surprise after your show's Nazi/McCain-Palin reference in last week's episode, but it took balls (you do still have those don't you?) to make a formal announcement. I'm sure Fox will love that...
Speaking of Fox, actually this was MSNBC come to think of it, but it was a republican. Anyway the ass clown that went off on Obama visiting his dying grandmother on the campaign plane? There's a special place in hell for you brother. Seriously, you're a complete whore. Forget your "job" as a republican surrogate, you are the scum of the fucking earth. And thank GOD - because if it wasn't for people like you, Obama wouldn't win. But the more the GOP melts down the higher his numbers get. And he calmly, cooly - and PRESIDENTIALLY smiles as he watches you guys dig the hole deeper. So even though he won't say it, I will - you're a pile of horseshit. Hell is warm.
Speaking of hell... are you guys even prepared for what will happen in this country now if Obama loses? If there's any "whiff" of a stolen election again? Oh dear, dear, dear jesus. People will burn down the White House. Serious, revolution-style shit. You can steal the election from a bunch of white democratic pussies, but steal it from some brothas and sistas? Oh hell no. This shit will blow up like tha godfatha. In all seriousness though, bad racial stereo-types aside, this country really will explode if this looks stolen. I say this only because he's pulling away so clearly now. Double-digit leads all over the place. It's entering landslide territory and everyone knows it. I don't say this as a "fear card" by any stretch - I say it as an outsider watching the landscape. This is a moment in history that could get UGLY. I pray this thing is an east coast landslide so we know before the night is over - otherwise, we're in for a scary time in our history.
And Brian, bring back my porn. It's from college man. I've kept those for 15 years because it reminds me of how we used to do it "in the day", it's not for present consumption. Use the 'net like everyone else. Those are my heir looms brother. Oh and CeBe says to call her back. Poor bitch.