(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
9:43 AM, Friday, October 3rd, 2008:
11 years ago, almost to the day, is the last time I was in this city. I remember specifically walking down the streets thinking: "Fuck. It's really, really windy."  I know they call it that - but it's not like New York has gigantic fruits on every block - so you just don't imagine how literal the term is. Rest assured however, it's WINDY in Chicago.
There's absolutely so much going on, so many possibilities, that I can barely wrap my head around it. Career-wise and personally. I am in a tornado at the moment, and although every single part of it is positive? It reminds me of the time in New York in 2006 when I had to plead with The Journey Gods to just slow the hell down already. Space out the good shit... PLEASE. You give me a year long drought and then throw in 2 years worth in 3 weeks. This song was actually written right before that 2006 NY trip as a way to say, even though it feels like this is going to explode (in a good way) and I'm alright either way. Basically a mantra for me after the unbelieveable roller coaster of America's Got Talent and Olbermann. It is rather "spiritual" that the moment I finally come out and say "I'm cool with any outcome" and mean it... I get my biggest break. <Life lesson alert>
I'm ahead of myself because it's all just potential at this point - but I can't even begin to express how determined I am to not be in the same situation in life 20 days from now. This is my road to permission. Permission to take more risks and create a better life...
...and welcome to why I actually tell artists that come out to LA to not shy away from the 9-5. Not shy away from a normal job that makes you a little crazy. You're not supposed to like it... that's the whole point. It's supposed to eat at you because it doesn't mean what it means to most people. To most people it's a fact of life, it's a means to an end - to us? It's a daily, hourly, minutely, secondly reminder of exactly what you're NOT doing. You came to the enterainment mecca with a dream to make it big and you should never feel comfortable doing anything else. That's why the quasi-entertainment jobs are kinda scary. 'Cause you're getting that fix... and it's just enough to make you feel... comfortable. Doing design work for a small marketing company for other, more successful people? That's a goddamn penance. And you know that every second of the day. Now I love the ladies I work for (now that I put them on the mailing list <LOL> but no really, I do) and it isn't a bad job by any stretch of the imagination. I enjoy helping things run smooth where I can... but they know damn well I don't belong there and add my recent exposure through people in the industry on Facebook and I'm busting at the seams. Enter this trip.
Chicago will hold many things, but probably not a career. It will be busy, not only will I be doing Erin's video stuff, but as I mentioned before I'm playing her breaks on her gig at a jazz club on Tuesday. Christ I still don't know the name of it. We're actually getting reviewed that night and I may or may not be part of that depending on whether I suck. LOL. Erin said she told the reviewer she's welcome to review me as part of the show if she likes it - but otherwise... I'm just the guy playing on the breaks. HAHAHA. Again, I can't even begin to express how ridiculous it is for a guy like me to be playing a jazz club. But it'll be one helluvan entry.
Also in store is meeting actually a pretty big celebrity. I have to keep it anonymous until it happens but, uhm, rest assured he's Invincible and never to be Departed. He's the guy who did his (Italian) job, you must be the other guy. <--- funniest line ever. So in another "wow" moment, I'm helping out with an interview for the radio show Catherine (woman who is getting me into the Obama/McCain debate) produces. How random is that? The celebrity is doing the interview by phone, and I'm just gonna capture his portion of the audio live and email them the mp3. A thousand thank yous Catherine for actually getting me a paid gig while in Chicago. The amount of work I'm missing is tremendous and every little bit helps. It's also now going to be the second free-lance thing I've done for this radio show and who knows, that could certainly come in handy.
Speaking of radio shows, apparently Erin is doing one on WGN Sunday and I'm gonna sit-in and talk for a bit. She said I'm welcome to pimp anything I want, and they'll play a bit of something if I like. ?!!? Man, I write these things, then I read them and it occurs to me how cool this shit is. I just found out about this a couple hours ago - but wow, thank you Erin for even considering me during your time. I'm incredibly grateful.
As well I'm grateful that several peeps from my graduating class chose Chicago as their stomping ground and we're all getting together the Wednesday night (night before my birthday) to catch up. I've missed every reunion since graduation so this should be interesting to say the least. Don't worry though, I won't bore you with pictures of people you dont know, therefore don't care how good/bad we all look 15 years later. Heh. Just making my own laundry list of things that are goin' down.
And unfortunately there's some really interesting personal stuff going down that isn't for these pages - but I somehow have to secretly remind myself when I reread this shit later. I will say this, I'm very fortunate. I attract incredible people into my life because of my openness and honesty. And people are not just seeing me for my record, they absolutely are seeing the strength I've shown and it has meant the world to me. People ARE reading The Journey... they ARE comprehending just how complicated the situations were... and I'm dumbfounded at how many people have taken the time to "catch-up". They've been as sweet as can be. I have a renewed hope in people simply seeing that some people actually do deal with their shit. They have no excuses for why they can't do something, they are aware of the issues - and they actively seek to move beyond them... and DO. Fuck. Yes. It's so empowering to watch. It's something you can never give someone (it's either in you or not), but you can sure as hell root for them shoulder to shoulder as they conquer their demons. And beyond that, again, I'm so relieved people are actually going back and reading. It's all there...and I'm proud of my actions. It is not a blight on my character - it IS my character and the right people are taking the time to know that. YAY! Heh. I just want to jump up and down for that. Hopefully I can divulge a bit more as time goes on, but I needed this paragraph for a reminder of just how good things are. Everything is going to work out just fine.
No matter what the fate is, I'm Alright.
PS - if you read this far you deserve this unbelieveably great treat. My cab driver from the airport is running for president. Seriously, I've never had a more annoying cab ride in my entire life - but it was worth it because of what he handed me as I left. Enjoy every second of this. He sent this to Oprah, and she has yet to respond. :)
Look out Barry. It's funny - it reads sweet and even inspirational, but believe me, it certainly doesn't SOUND like that for a 1/2 hour in the back of a cab. :-)