(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTubefor me!)
9:43 AM, Friday,
October 3rd, 2008:
11 years ago,
almost to the day, is the last time I was in this
city. I remember specifically walking down the streets
thinking: "Fuck. It's really, really windy." I
know they call it that - but it's not like New York
has gigantic fruits on every block - so you just don't
imagine how literal the term is. Rest assured however,
it's WINDY in Chicago.
There's
absolutely so much going on, so many
possibilities, that I can barely wrap my
head around it. Career-wise and
personally. I am in a tornado at the
moment, and although every single part of
it is positive? It reminds me of the time
in New York in 2006 when I had to plead
with The Journey Gods to just slow the
hell down already. Space out the good
shit... PLEASE. You give me a year long
drought and then throw in 2 years worth in
3 weeks. This song was actually written
right before that 2006 NY trip as a way to
say, even though it feels like this is
going to explode (in a good way) and I'm
alright either way. Basically a mantra for
me after the unbelieveable roller coaster
of America's Got Talent and Olbermann. It
is rather "spiritual" that the moment
I finally come out and say "I'm cool with
any outcome" and mean it... I get my
biggest break. <Life lesson
alert>
I'm ahead of
myself because it's all just potential at this point -
but I can't even begin to express how determined
I am to not be in the same situation in life 20
days from now. This is my road to permission.
Permission to take more risks and create a better
life...
...and welcome to
why I actually tell artists that come out to LA to not
shy away from the 9-5. Not shy away from a normal job
that makes you a little crazy. You're not supposed to
like it... that's the whole point. It's supposed to
eat at you because it doesn't mean what it means to
most people. To most people it's a fact of life, it's
a means to an end - to us? It's a daily, hourly,
minutely, secondly reminder of exactly what you're NOT
doing. You came to the enterainment mecca with a dream
to make it big and you should never feel comfortable
doing anything else. That's why the
quasi-entertainment jobs are kinda scary. 'Cause
you're getting that fix... and it's just enough to
make you feel... comfortable. Doing design work for a
small marketing company for other, more successful
people? That's a goddamn penance. And you know that
every second of the day. Now I love the ladies I work
for (now that I put them on the mailing list
<LOL> but no really, I do) and it isn't a
bad job by any stretch of the imagination.
I enjoy helping things run smooth where
I can... but they know damn well I don't belong
there and add my recent exposure through people in the
industry on Facebook and I'm busting at the seams.
Enter this trip.
Chicago will hold
many things, but probably not a career. It will be
busy, not only will I be doing Erin's video stuff, but
as I mentioned before I'm playing her breaks on her
gig at a jazz club on Tuesday. Christ I still don't
know the name of it. We're actually getting reviewed
that night and I may or may not be part of that
depending on whether I suck. LOL. Erin said she told
the reviewer she's welcome to review me as part of the
show if she likes it - but otherwise... I'm just the
guy playing on the breaks. HAHAHA. Again, I can't even
begin to express how ridiculous it is for a guy like
me to be playing a jazz club. But it'll be one
helluvan entry.
Also in store is
meeting actually a pretty big celebrity. I have to
keep it anonymous until it happens but, uhm, rest
assured he's Invincible and never to be Departed. He's
the guy who did his (Italian) job, you must be the
other guy. <--- funniest line ever. So in another
"wow" moment, I'm helping out with an interview for
the radio show Catherine (woman who is getting me into
the Obama/McCain debate) produces. How random is that?
The celebrity is doing the interview by phone, and I'm
just gonna capture his portion of the audio live and
email them the mp3. A thousand thank yous Catherine
for actually getting me a paid gig while in Chicago.
The amount of work I'm missing is tremendous and every
little bit helps. It's also now going to be the second
free-lance thing I've done for this radio show and who
knows, that could certainly come in handy.
Speaking of radio
shows, apparently Erin is doing one on WGN Sunday and
I'm gonna sit-in and talk for a bit. She said I'm
welcome to pimp anything I want, and they'll play
a bit of something if I like. ?!!? Man, I write these
things, then I read them and it occurs to me how cool
this shit is. I just found out about this a
couple hours ago - but wow, thank you Erin for even
considering me during your time. I'm incredibly
grateful.
As well I'm
grateful that several peeps from my graduating class
chose Chicago as their stomping ground and we're all
getting together the Wednesday night (night before my
birthday) to catch up. I've missed every reunion since
graduation so this should be interesting to say the
least. Don't worry though, I won't bore you with
pictures of people you dont know, therefore don't care
how good/bad we all look 15 years later. Heh. Just
making my own laundry list of things that are goin'
down.
And unfortunately
there's some really interesting personal stuff going
down that isn't for these pages - but I somehow have
to secretly remind myself when I reread this shit
later. I will say this, I'm very fortunate. I attract
incredible people into my life because of my openness
and honesty. And people are not just seeing me for my
record, they absolutely are seeing the strength I've
shown and it has meant the world to me. People ARE
reading The Journey... they ARE comprehending just how
complicated the situations were... and I'm dumbfounded
at how many people have taken the time to "catch-up".
They've been as sweet as can be. I have a renewed hope
in people simply seeing that some people actually do
deal with their shit. They have no excuses for why
they can't do something, they are aware of the issues
- and they actively seek to move beyond them... and
DO. Fuck. Yes. It's so empowering to watch. It's
something you can never give someone (it's either in
you or not), but you can sure as hell root for them
shoulder to shoulder as they conquer their demons. And
beyond that, again, I'm so relieved people are
actually going back and reading. It's all there...and
I'm proud of my actions. It is not a blight on my
character - it IS my character and the right people
are taking the time to know that. YAY! Heh.
I just want to jump up and down for that.
Hopefully I can divulge a bit more as time goes
on, but I needed this paragraph for a reminder of just
how good things are. Everything is going to work out
just fine.
No matter what the
fate is, I'm Alright.
:-)
PS - if you read
this far you deserve this unbelieveably great treat.
My cab driver from the airport is running for
president. Seriously, I've never had a more annoying
cab ride in my entire life - but it was worth it
because of what he handed me as I left. Enjoy every
second of this. He sent this to Oprah, and she has yet
to respond. :)
Look out Barry.
It's funny - it reads sweet and even inspirational,
but believe me, it certainly doesn't SOUND like that
for a 1/2 hour in the back of a cab. :-)
