- 11:54 PM, Sunday,
September 7th, 2008:
- This shit was done
in June. I was writing goofy little songs in June and
July about how goddamn relieved and happy I was. Two
months straight, no lookin' back. Then all of her
bullshit is dropped on my doorstep, I do the right
thing... and am left with shit again. Which brings me
to this lovely fucking entry:
- Funny thing about
that video? It's done at 9 AM, bedhead and all. That's
ridiculously early and sober to be having that much
anger. Heh... (sigh).
- So what is it? I'm
just amazed anyone can plug back into the matrix once
they know about it. Honestly, I'm actually a little
jealous. I used to think that people that ran from
their problems always looked in the mirror at one
point and there was that lonely moment that haunted
them. Nope, some people can run and run - build up
incredibly fantastic stories, wonderfully independent
lies and because they limit their time with people and
avoid letting those people really know them... they're
never fully called on it.
- Christ, am I
talking about Donna or Sarah Palin? LMAO. Hahahaha.
- I guess I'm just
not seeing the advantage of this whole
honesty/integrity thing. 'Cause in the end - you sit
there alone, again, touting your strong moral fiber...
to a computer screen. Not that I'd ever consider going
the other route (hard to run from The Journey), but in
the end whose happier? The phrase "Ignorance is Bliss"
continues to astound me the more people I meet. If
it's all about being the pursuit of happiness - is
there a happier person on the planet than Donna right
now? A visa to be in the country she's always wanted
to be in (thanks to Adam who won't rock the boat) a
perfect job (that my friend got her), perfect
apartment (that was only possible because I took her
off the street for a couple weeks when she was
homeless) a brand new group of friends that will never
get close enough to have any expectations... and the
ability to believe that she owes nothing to anyone.
Skip, skip, skip all the way home. Tell me how that's
"better" than her staying in therapy and dealing with
her past? Why the hell is the harder road better? When
she can just erase me out of her life and act like it
never happened? Sure there's no integrity there, sure
that's about the least loving thing you could do to
someone you made a commitment to, who sacrificed so
much to help you... but if it doesn't make you happy?
Who cares? Who the hell is gonna judge her? None of
her new friends will know the whole story. And when
she says she was my THIRD wife? Poor Donna. She'll get
the sympathy - because clearly this was at the very
least a 50/50 failure. Right.
- Now again, I say
none of this because I would actually ever go her
route. I can't. I've invested too much into holding
myself to a higher standard. Throw in The Journey's
discipline of having to face the egg on your face and
it's literally impossible to run - but I'm not so sure
I see that character trait as a positive when no one
else I run into can live up to it. I'm literally on
the verge of tears most of the time when I think about
- ...then here comes
Sarah Palin. It's almost the same frustration to me.
Something so blatant, so obvious - so clear... yet I'm
somehow in the minority. She's the 60-Day candidate.
She will make bold assertions about her past that are
the OPPOSITE of her past (I don't mean spinning, I
mean literally saying the opposite of the truth) she
won't give any interviews, she'll bat her eyes and
whenever anyone calls her on it - she'll yell
"sexist". Voila. You only have to pull that off for 60
days and you become Vice President. Because by the
time the public realizes they've been duped, it'll be
November 5th. To think, Obama supporters have been
slammed for years for being so "naive". YEARS. Years
that man has been under the microscope - and we're the
ones falling for a "sloganeer"? Yet we can't put Sarah
under the microscope because she's hot? So that's how
women will get into the highest offices of this land?
By batting their eyes and hiding their record behind
feminism? Where the fuck is the outrage? Why on earth
would the polls add 10 points to... MCCAIN? How can no
one see this?
- blah, blah, blah.
I keep having visions in my head of a really angry foo
fighters type music with Sarah's smiling face as she
steps over our dead servicemen to get into church.
That one refrain: "Yeah who, are you? Yeah WHO ARE
You????" Hmmm... there may be a cartoon waiting to
happen there. I'm too emotionally invested at the
moment but I gotta do something soon. And the 9-5
thing. Whew. I'm not where I'm supposed to be and I'm
burning both ends of the candle trying to network my
- In other words,
Adam is starting to lose it a little. In other words,
Welcome To The Journey.