(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
entry locked from 09.13.08 - 07.16.09
11:54 PM, Sunday, September 7th, 2008:
This shit was done in June. I was writing goofy little songs in June and July about how goddamn relieved and happy I was. Two months straight, no lookin' back. Then all of her bullshit is dropped on my doorstep, I do the right thing... and am left with shit again. Which brings me to this lovely fucking entry:
"Why doing the right thing is always wrong"
By Adam Kontras
Funny thing about that video? It's done at 9 AM, bedhead and all. That's ridiculously early and sober to be having that much anger. Heh... (sigh).
So what is it? I'm just amazed anyone can plug back into the matrix once they know about it. Honestly, I'm actually a little jealous. I used to think that people that ran from their problems always looked in the mirror at one point and there was that lonely moment that haunted them. Nope, some people can run and run - build up incredibly fantastic stories, wonderfully independent lies and because they limit their time with people and avoid letting those people really know them... they're never fully called on it.
Christ, am I talking about Donna or Sarah Palin? LMAO. Hahahaha. Sorry...
I guess I'm just not seeing the advantage of this whole honesty/integrity thing. 'Cause in the end - you sit there alone, again, touting your strong moral fiber... to a computer screen. Not that I'd ever consider going the other route (hard to run from The Journey), but in the end whose happier? The phrase "Ignorance is Bliss" continues to astound me the more people I meet. If it's all about being the pursuit of happiness - is there a happier person on the planet than Donna right now? A visa to be in the country she's always wanted to be in (thanks to Adam who won't rock the boat) a perfect job (that my friend got her), perfect apartment (that was only possible because I took her off the street for a couple weeks when she was homeless) a brand new group of friends that will never get close enough to have any expectations... and the ability to believe that she owes nothing to anyone. Skip, skip, skip all the way home. Tell me how that's "better" than her staying in therapy and dealing with her past? Why the hell is the harder road better? When she can just erase me out of her life and act like it never happened? Sure there's no integrity there, sure that's about the least loving thing you could do to someone you made a commitment to, who sacrificed so much to help you... but if it doesn't make you happy? Who cares? Who the hell is gonna judge her? None of her new friends will know the whole story. And when she says she was my THIRD wife? Poor Donna. She'll get the sympathy - because clearly this was at the very least a 50/50 failure. Right.
Now again, I say none of this because I would actually ever go her route. I can't. I've invested too much into holding myself to a higher standard. Throw in The Journey's discipline of having to face the egg on your face and it's literally impossible to run - but I'm not so sure I see that character trait as a positive when no one else I run into can live up to it. I'm literally on the verge of tears most of the time when I think about it...
...then here comes Sarah Palin. It's almost the same frustration to me. Something so blatant, so obvious - so clear... yet I'm somehow in the minority. She's the 60-Day candidate. She will make bold assertions about her past that are the OPPOSITE of her past (I don't mean spinning, I mean literally saying the opposite of the truth) she won't give any interviews, she'll bat her eyes and whenever anyone calls her on it - she'll yell "sexist". Voila. You only have to pull that off for 60 days and you become Vice President. Because by the time the public realizes they've been duped, it'll be November 5th. To think, Obama supporters have been slammed for years for being so "naive". YEARS. Years that man has been under the microscope - and we're the ones falling for a "sloganeer"? Yet we can't put Sarah under the microscope because she's hot? So that's how women will get into the highest offices of this land? By batting their eyes and hiding their record behind feminism? Where the fuck is the outrage? Why on earth would the polls add 10 points to... MCCAIN? How can no one see this?
blah, blah, blah. I keep having visions in my head of a really angry foo fighters type music with Sarah's smiling face as she steps over our dead servicemen to get into church. That one refrain: "Yeah who, are you? Yeah WHO ARE You????" Hmmm... there may be a cartoon waiting to happen there. I'm too emotionally invested at the moment but I gotta do something soon. And the 9-5 thing. Whew. I'm not where I'm supposed to be and I'm burning both ends of the candle trying to network my way out.
In other words, Adam is starting to lose it a little. In other words, Welcome To The Journey.