(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
10:30 PM, Saturday, May 31st, 2008:
Logic can only explain so much. After that, you have to just admit you're currently a repellant. Heh. Not like these two events haven't been in the works for months now, but the timing certainly is journeyriffic.
So for the second time in less than a week I watched someone I care about leave me in an over-emotional huff as I sat jaw-dropped at my part in it all. Charlotte and I are once again, done... but was she the only one surprised by this? Doesn't take a genius to put 2 and 2 together here and you guys literally don't know the half of it. Bottom line, when enough people within the industry pull you aside and say: "Adam, what the fuck..." with regards to your representation - you can only ignore it for so long. Of course considering she hadn't negotiated a contract for me... in a year - I'm still flabbergasted that this exploded as it did. Maybe it's because I've known for nearly that long this relationship couldn't continue... but since there was never anything to negotiate it hardly came up. That, and there were simply more pressing issues...
So there we were at the Coffee Bean on Laurel Canyon and Ventura when eventually we hit upon career stuff and the time seemed right. It's funny, we've met a handful of times before this when I had every intention of talking with her... but it always seemed wrong. Truthfully this didn't seem right either, but she hit the right topic and I certainly wasn't going to lie to her. And honestly, the unbelieveable amount of time that had passed since we last technically worked together made me think she was probably thinking the same thing. Wrong. Really, really wrong.
I'm serious - I thought she'd go: "Thank GOD you've been thinking the same thing..." You know, like when Harry and Sally broke up the after they had sex the first time? Well, I started expressing how I felt and she looked at me like... Man, I have the look burned in my brain. It said to me: "Are you really saying what I think you're saying?" My heart sank immediately. I did not want this at all. We're friends. On that level we always got along great. Talking about every single issue under the sun. She's fiercely intelligent and we share the same sense of humor... it's been literally 95% of our relationship the past 2 years. So I was legitimately shocked at her reaction.
She started defending everything, I started stating more instances, she started defending those... it just got more and more heated and she grabbed her purse and I asked her to wait. We've been here before. We didn't speak for 4 years...and this time? There would be no going back. I pleaded with her to not take it so personally and that there was a friendship outside of a business relationship. Unfortunately it seems they were too intertwined. A mistake on both of our parts really, but the thing is? I know that she thinks I'm not the best client. I know that. The second I told her I'd be genuinely happy going around the world and writing songs for my blog in different countries for $30,000 a year and it made her crazy because it wouldn't be up to my potential I knew that. It doesn't effect my friendship with her in the least. I just think she's wrong. I don't take it personally, 'cause it's who I am. I think with the right contacts the year with CBS could've been turned into a LOT more. So why does that hurt her so much?
Of course the more she protested, the more I tried to think of different ways of explaining my position and eventually got back to stuff that happened in 2001 which really set things off. And then she said: "Shia."
Yes, my reaction was similar to yours probably. "Huh?"
I look behind her and this skinny, bearded, slightly scuzzy dude with a baseball cap had just walked by and it was Shia LaBeouf. He came back out of the Bean and I was able to look right at him and still, would've had no clue. His eyes were puffy like he'd been crying and he just looked like a bum. It was kinda cool because.. that's exactly how I looked. LOL. Slightly unshaven, sweats and a t-shirt... it was nice to know guys are just guys. Sorry, I interrupted the story... in fact I remember being a bit disoriented in the midst of my story when she said that and she laughed: "I had to tell you, had I mentioned it to you later you would've said 'why the hell didn't you tell me then?'" ...and she was totally right. LOL.
Anyway I was bringing up 2001 because I was just trying to express the pattern I was seeing and she felt it was a low blow. The thing is, I wasn't trying to BLOW anyone. Wow, did I just write that? I meant - that none of what I was doing registered in my mind as being a "blow" to her. How could she not think she deserved some blame in everything? Blows my mind even as I'm writing it. Has to be a record for "blows" in a paragraph without talking about sex. Heh...
I don't mean to be trivial about this because I really hurt someone I've known for over 7 years and care deeply about on a level far outside of manager/client, but this reaction is stunning. Maybe when it sinks in a bit she'll contact me and we can at least be cordial, but knowing her I'll never hear from her again unless I make the effort. And I actually want to. As I said, I just cannot believe she didn't see this coming. And really if you guys knew the specific instances which gave me no choice but to doubt her instincts... you'd wonder why I didn't do this a long time ago. The truth is, representation doesn't grow on trees - and I am certainly not the easiest client to represent. That and I really like Charlotte. Simple as that.
So if you're reading this Charlotte, please, put yourself in my shoes. You acted as if I somehow betrayed you by telling you how I felt. Would you feel different if you were in my position?
PS - the video is a re-enactment. It's the same table/place, but I went back to do it today 'cause I thought of the Spin Doctors song as I was retelling the story to someone...