(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
8:15 PM, Tuesday, May 6th, 2008:
I mean really. Of all the people who should've known better - I book my flight in the evening during the fucking primaries. I'm in the air right now and the polls have now closed in both states and they've probably already declared the winners but my ass won't know for another 2 hours until I land in Denver. Weak. Not too bummed though as I really just don't feel there's gonna be any surprises. There haven't been since New Hampshire 4 months ago really. It's all just a super-delegate game now and somehow Obama is still whoopin' on her in that category. How does the man gain 22 supers to her 10 after Pennsylvania? I feel for Clinton though - her campaign is finally being run correctly and it's basically too late. Send Mark Penn a shit sandwich girl. Like seriously - shit between two slices of bread and hand deliver it to his mouth because your ass got beat by a black guy with a muslim name. LMAO. Classic.
Oh and quick political note here - the gas tax thing is brilliant politics. You think Hillary doesn't know it's bullshit? Of course she does. But guess whose biggest weakness is being an "elitist" whose out of touch with the working class? And guess who responded to it by saying it would only save people on average $30? What a stupid fucking response. LOL. What would you rather have: $30 or $0? Hell even his response is elitist. We're all drowning in gas prices and his ass is like - you don't need this inner-tube...it'll only keep you afloat for one day. LOL. Now of course - OBAMA IS RIGHT. And he was able to show one of his strengths in explaining the gimmicks of politics but it seems to be too little too late... then again he may have just won both states, so what do I know?
Sorry, sorry - I don't want this to be a political entry, I'll save more thoughts for later. My brother from another mother, Kenny, brought his motorcycle over and we ended up making a strange video to add the cherry to what has been the strangest trip back home I've ever known. Never have I been more isolated, more withdrawn or more of a wreck. Thank GOD this ends in a week and not another month. Oh - that entry is locked ain't it... quick rundown:
Donna only wants to stay a month so next week the whole cycle starts again and unfortunately it seems little has changed on her end from what I can tell in her letter. I really just can't be sure because a letter, though romantic in a sense, is so devoid of connection. She may just be putting a spin on things to get by, I just don't know.
As I said a couple entries back, I indeed miss her terribly but I'm concerned that this is another opportunity for her to "run" and not necessarily the soul searching she needed. It's an unfortunate pattern that is completely a result of just how painful her issues are to deal with. And although I'm understanding, as I mentioned before - once it became dangerous to her health there was no more hiding. Of course since I'm stuck trying to read between the lines...well, it's just absolutely excruciating. One thing is certain... this cycle can't continue much longer.
Speaking of cycles - I know you should be all concerned about your little brother getting a motorcycle at 18 but I gotta say, it's pretty cool. Ha. Like you're hard pressed as a fellow guy to not give a big knowing smile to him and shake your head in approval. I only rode with him at 20 mph on a residential street for the video (thus the lack of helmet don't get all finger-shaky at me, I could've jumped off) because with my luck that's the way I would go. Its not a "tempt the fates" moment in Journey history. The fates will win. Cool pic:
The song is "Motorcade" by Beck. I love having my entire CD collection on my harddrive now. Nothing like searching keywords in song titles and finding all sorts of fun little ditties to make movies by.
And finally, I have to thank one Brendan Murphy personally and publically for simply making me feel human Sunday night. Brendan has been a friend since grade school and we've kept in touch throughout from time to time. Donna and I visited his family last September and we had a great time. The reason for the gratitude is he reacted with honest disbelief, sincerity and all-out amazement at what the past few months have held and I believe it's the only time I've been able to tell the story of Donna without any pre-conceived ideas from short phone calls or pieces on the net since he hadn't followed it. It allowed me a true comparison of "normal" and really showed me just how incredibly difficult things have been and how well I've floated amongst it all and kept going. Brendan has a great family with 2 kids and one on the way, yet we still throw a football in the backyard and it feels like being a teenager 'cause from 20 yards we look identical to 1990. Heh. By the way - try throwing a football to someone while they throw a frisbee to you at the same time, then catching it - 15 times in a row from 15-20 yards at dusk. I'm not saying it's hard, but I'm honestly just curious if it's hard for anyone else because we were pathetic. Something about being in "throw mode" and then switching to "catch mode" without seeing the follow through of your initial throw that is just fuuuuuuuuucked. Heh. That or we're in our 30s. One of the two. ;-)
But again, thanks man - I know it probably didn't seem like much but I walked out of your house feeling like the strongest most resilient human being on the planet. You really need that from time to time ya know? You really need someone to say:  "Wow, that sounds like a fucking movie, I cannot imagine how you're processing this" to allow you to pat yourself on the back and be kind to yourself. I will probably look back on this period as one of the hardest of my life and for some reason knowing that in the moment can sometimes give you a little boost.
So my strangest trip back home finally ends. Ha - I just typed that I pray I never return to Columbus single again and then erased it because of what it implied. LMAO. No, I just don't want to be in limbo. My heart certainly wasn't single no matter the situation and that's what brought on the misery. At least the lonely bed tonight will be... (sigh) ours.