(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
11:23 AM, Tuesday, February 5th 2008:
Good, freaking, christ already. Is this really happening? I feel like I'm on a conveyor belt sometimes and I'm gonna run into something no matter what I do. Oh and it's Super-freaking Tuesday. I'm a wreck. LOL.
I'm writing this entry a mile-a-minute to try and keep my mind off what's gonna happen today in the primaries. I just voted, I'm watching MSNBC on one screen, tracking CNN.com on the other and writing this on a 3rd. Add in the personal ridiculosities of the previous entry and this is one day of tension I will never forget. And it all started...48 hours ago.
So I get an email from GenuineChris (who put together the loan to buyout Jess last year) that several banks are now freezing HELOCS (Home Equity Lines of Credit) without prior notice. The $100,000 you may have thought you had access to at any time is noe completely gone. If that was your "rainy day" fund, you're in the middle of a Hurricane.
For me, this would be a disaster. I was finally going to have to dip into it come April (maybe even March) and as much as it turned my stomach to load up on more debt - it would save the house. So needless to say this news was like a punch to the stomach. I called Remo and he verified that indeed this was happening, he had already had friends get "the letter" and that once you get it - you're done. There's no warning, you just lose it all. So in the middle of the night my ass drops a check in the ATM for the remainder of my ENTIRE home equity line which I will put in an online savings account and lose roughly 2% a month. I am officially in debt up to my ears and am now staring at a pile of money that could be a turning point in my entire life.
I could just sit on the money and take my 2% loss and forget about it... but at some times in your life you take things like this as opportunities. I could take that money, and invest in something that could change everything forever... or force me to sell my house. It's kind of a make or break moment. What do I do? Will I look back at this moment in 5 years as I'm pushing 40 and think: "Damnit, had you just believed in yourself a little more and used that money to invest in yourself...where would you be?". Will I wish I had just kept it in the savings account and only lost 2%? That's where the conveyor belt comes in...
Everything is pushing me towards something. It's hard not to see this influx of money (even if it's completely not mine and a loan I will have to payback in less than 9 years) plus the year I've had and the things I'm creating... as a way to break into something bigger. It's also scary as shit to tell you the truth. I am now, 100%, going for broke. My entire house is maxed and values are going down. So in essence I'm risking it all for...what? Can you tell how fast I'm writing this? It's like I can't even process what this means. So I'll sit on it for a bit and probably fix a little more of the house while we're in "fix-it" mode... but there's something big happening and it appears I have all the pieces. From the weight, to the content, to the money, to the contacts... it's like everything is sitting in front of me like a puzzle. Now how do I put it together. This is a big moment. We'll see how it plays out.
And how the hell does Obama stay within 100 pledged delegates tonight? I mean unless he pulls off an upset in California - he'd have to win the overwhelming majority of the other states... I'm holding my breath. It's gonna be a long night. Oh and have you guys seen this yet? The "Yes We Can" song? Talk about destroying my shot at ever doing something comparable. You win Will.I.Am. You win:


Click me, I'll make you proud to be an American if you're American...
How badass was that? You have to read the lyrics of this speech:
It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation; 'Yes, We Can.'
It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail towards freedom through the darkest of nights; 'Yes, We Can.'
It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores - pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness; 'Yes, We Can.'
It was the call of workers who organized, women who reached for the ballots, a president who chose the moon as our new frontier and a king who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the promised land; 'Yes, We Can' to justice and equality.
'Yes, We Can' to opportunity and prosperity.
'Yes, We Can' heal this nation.
'Yes, We Can' repair this world.
'Yes, We Can.'
We know the battle ahead will be long. But always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change. We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics that will only grow louder and more dissonant. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.
By the hopes of the little girl who goes to the public school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA. We will remember that there is something happening in America, that we are not as divided as our politics suggest. That we are one people, that we are one nation, and that together we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast, from sea to shining sea...
'Yes, We Can.'
Are you kidding me? What an incredible time to be alive. Off to Atlanta for the video gig...