(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
6:49 PM, Sunday, January 13th, 2008:
If I were a Christian, I'd make some funny songs. I decided to tag this song on YouTube with "God Christian Religion" just to read the horrified reactions of the bible belt. But seriously, you could easily view this as a religious song. Some men cry to the heavens saying "Lord, why hath you forsaken me?" I just say: "What the fuck?". And not really to "God", but to The Journey, or I guess The Journey Gods. Basically, you know I'm over a situation when there's a funny song uploaded. That's how I roll.
It doesn't make the situation any less bizarre however. Just, wow. Some of your reactions have been pretty priceless. My favorite to date was: "Fat Adam was successful". That made me laugh out loud for quite awhile. The majority have been as astonished as me and everyone is certain there's more to it. The sad thing is, there may not be. We all want to make sense of it and honestly - some people don't make sense. Maybe the lady I talked to wanted someone else to get the job and twisted my words, maybe my "friend" who has yet to call me back said something that sealed it... If no one will talk, we'll never know.
The part I failed to mention in Friday's entry was just how emotional getting the job was. I mean, I had prepared myself since Friedman's firing to accept that the whole past year was pretty blown. Had the opportunity to really get to another level and while I was busy making the most of it... nothing else was solidified. Getting a real job was kind of the final nail in the coffin that was this past year. Now, I was starting over - and starting over at a job that wouldn't even allow me time to audition or work on anything new. I mean, I need to make so much money that I don't believe there's a job that could ever allow me to do both, so I'm fine with that - but it's still a lot to swallow. And once I got the job it was a big sigh, and a bunch of reflection. This was it. Couldn't spin this, I had nothing to show for how close I was, and now start all over. I focus for at least the next 6 months to a year on making money - nothing else. For a guy like me, that takes some mental preperation...
...and a whole lot of psyching up. I spent a good 3 hours focusing on things, taking it all in, and it's just a huge process when you were able to make a living doing "The Egos" for a year. No longer can you pretend... you have to admit it's over. I finally did that. Finally got excited about things. Finally wrapped my head around it and then SMACK - 2x4 in the face losing everything. Then you have to deal with THAT drama... and your head/body are just gone. Poor Donna is already dealing with her first therapy session, first acting class, first audition and she too was just elated about the job... and we were just - BLASTED.

I didn't sleep for shit Friday night constantly replaying the timeline over and over again. Up till 2, then up from 5-8, then sleep from 8-10... just annoying. You can't help but try to piece the mystery together. I kept repeating what I could've said different... and of course there's nothing. But with this song I can now just laugh at it all - and be happy I have "The Journey". It's so wonderful to be able to get everything OUT. I don't have to keep my emotions bottled up, I don't have to tow some company line - I can turn it into art. Kinda like the $400 "right on red" ticket I got a few years back... only positive was that funny-ass song (especially considering how cute the puppy was) and in the end, that's worth $400 to me.

And I know, I know - it would be awesome to go down there at 9 AM tomorrow with a camera and act like I was never fired. See whomever took my place... it would be very fun - and I have to tell you, if I didn't know CeBe S. (the other guy I know there), I'd be all over it. But it's disrespectful to him as he gave me a good reference, and the last thing I want to do is hurt a friend here. I've said my peace in all this and it's honestly taken up more Journey Space than it deserves... but yeah - if I didn't know anyone there I would be ALL OVER THAT SHIT. Ha! This has certainly left me somewhat devious - we'll see where all that leads...
ps - hahaha on the YouTube link all these spiritual Christian songs come up as related videos! THAT'S AWESOME. How long until I get legions of evangelicals come in and damn me to hell! Hmmm, where are those religious message boards...