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12:01 AM, Tuesday, January 1st, 2008:
Has a prediction ever seemed more worthless than this year? Even drunk that was easy to answer.
I mean when you set up goals for yourself, achieve them all beyond your wildest dreams... and end up worse off than you were to begin with...what the fuck do you do then? That's where I stand at the start of the new year. And my goals now? Desperate. Get a job adoing anything, save my house, get insurance, try to survive the mounting credit card debt...and oh yeah - do something career-wise. It's completely back-burner now with no signs of that changing any time soon. You think the last 3 months were quiet? Wait'll the next 3. (Come on already Journey Gods, I've been tempting you forever now)
It's the old addage I've mentioned so many times. I'd give anything for my best to not be good enough. That at least means someone has seen it. But when your best is ignored, and you're wallowing in anonymity (even though you worked at the network television station)... predictions go right out the window. Because I've done everything I know how to do, I've done it better than I thought I could do - and it's time for The Journey Gods to strike. And if talent wins out in the end...when exactly is that? Are we there yet?
All of this is setting up the fact that I am screwed in the prediction department this year. Every year I take this entry and predict what I think will happen. Never before have I had so little pulse on my own career. I mean I'm still gonna be schemin' hard. I totally see myself flying to NY to sit in front of Steve Friedman 35 pounds lighter just to show him how serious I am about this. I still see myself producing some incredible things. I can easily forsee some sort of gig in the industry where I can once again show off my talents, but what good that does is beyond me if this year attracted nothing. Hell, I can see me making another live Trinitrons show. Just so I have something to invite industry insiders to. Maybe that "Journey" show I've been threatening for 6 years. Which will now be entitled: "Come see how many ways you can 'miss it by that much'". It would be cathartic if anything.
I think the sad thing is that honestly? This is 2002 alllllllllllll over again. I don't believe it'll be a 4 year stretch of downtime, but this year seems destined to be as quiet as the past 3 months no matter how much noise I make personally. Don't ask me how that's possible, because I really don't know. Even worse is, I don't know what would make me happy one year from now. I mean, when you have the high I had with the head of late night last year - everything pales in comparison. So I topped 'The Store' from '01, but will I ever equal the Up & Adam news in February? And can I sit here in a year and really be happy if I haven't? And what an outrageously high bar to set! Especially considering the bar never existed!
And unlike The Comedy Store high that I chased for years - I'm not chasing the Up & Adam high. No siree. That is a high you feel once. Now, I won't ever believe it again until so far into the scenario that it's become boring. That's the sad part about all of this. You can only get burned so many times where you just can't get that high back. And in a sense that's good because that high is dangerous. I'll take the way I feel right now, strong & confident (if not confused as hell) over the "high" any day. I am indeed a changed man in these 8 years.
Hell, who am I kidding. The National Championship game next week will be the best indicator of anything. You can't deny that connection. If you missed it last year, all 4 teams I root for (3 of which are lifetime teams), the football Buckeyes, the Chicago Bears, the basketball Buckeyes, and the Cavs (in the East, LA in the West) - made it to the championship... and lost. Mirroring my year to a T. A series of events SO CLOSE YOU COULD TASTE IT... and then completely vanishing. Once again the football Buckeyes are in the championship game and could very well dictate the entire year of my life. As much as I want to act like it really has no effect on anything...I will be watching that game on the edge of my seat because the corrolation is actually more dependable than my own actions these days. LOL.
Go Bucks. Go 2008. Go Journey Gods.