YouTube link added 02.09.09
11:59 PM, Thursday December 25th:
Not only isn't this picture possible because of the cats & dogs, but neither of those heads on me & Jess are from that moment. Nothin' like crafting the perfect family in photoshop. We did however give it one real attempt. Heh:
That is and will ever be the only shot of all 4 animals together anyone will ever see. The cats are just too old and the dogs are just too big. Check out the video for an idea of just how big...Shizzle has become a friggin' BEAST. And he's still only 6 1/2 months. Whew. Oh and Roxy turned 9 months today. Good fun.
Before I go on, I've gotta explain the last entry video, and corresponding locked entry. Bottom line is I needed to be able to write in this format, in this journey, without it being public. It's probably going to be a monthly occurence. At some point it will all be unlocked, including the ones from 2 years ago (whew), but for now I'm gonna need to be able to write about a bunch of things that are indeed effecting every step I take, without it being public. I toyed with the idea of just doing a separate journal, but I have a good sense of what belongs in "The Journey" and these locked entries most certainly do…I just can't share them now. On the same hand I can't just keep avoiding writing about things, so I get to go back to the old hated standby: the locked entry. C'est La Vie.
The video is much more disturbing at 30 fps. Over the net, you can't really tell how much it's sped up - but on TV, it's just very very disturbing. It's exactly how I feel. My brain is running overtime - I have so much inside of me that I cant' get out - and I absolutely feel like I'm going crazy. Now who are the women? Well in the middle of the new song, I start playing "Me & You", which is the first song I ever recorded with my dad for my first serious girlfriend, Karen. Almost the same chord progression. I'm thinking of her, then I go back to the new song, start playing a lullabye and think of Burgundie (first wife) and Laura (of palaur fame). And that's it really. It's what I was thinking, so I decided to document it. But I seriously need to release the full screen 30 fps version on a DVD or something because it's just creepy. The contortions I'm making, and of course the scream...(sigh). I guess if I were "The Beatles" y'all could look through every frame, word and video effect and of that song and try to pick things out, but I doubt it would lead you anywhere substantial. Just a little song about Adam losing his fucking mind. What can I say...
Now to today's entry. As this is the last real entry before the year-ender, I guess you're all hoping for some sort of news on everything. Garis e-mailed you back! Came to his senses! You have some master plan now! Uhm...No! Nada! Heh. That episode in my life really is over. What I've learned is that I need to make my run at getting on TV now. I do that by writing the 2-3 minute versions, and of course the full length clean show. All of which are in the works, and will take up the next several months to accomplish. And that's enough to keep me happy for now. Well, I guess happy is relative considering, but career-wise I'm alright for now.
So I'm raking my leaves yesterday (which apparently you do here in LA well into January as the fuckers just won't come down), and I notice that it's just the raking day for about 5 houses on my street...'cept for one thing: It's all hired mexican labor. I believe I'm the last white man who does lawn work in this city. Am I missing something? Are these guys charging like $10 a lawn or something? Because the front and the back took my ass 4 hours and I'll gladly hand that to someone. But honestly? It's never occured to me to pay someone to mow my grass or rake my leaves. Must be an East Coast thing, because those are just a part of life. And in fact, not even a bad part of life. I slightly enjoy it. But none of my neighbors do it. It's all hired help. Strange huh? They all looked at me funny too. Laughing and nodding their head at me. I can only imagine what they think. Maybe they think I'm hired help too. Heh. So strange.
Uhm, yeah. Christmas sucked, both Jess and I miss our families. I haven't seen my family at Thanksgiving or Christmas since the friggin' 90s. That, and of course depression just kinda sucks. You know how I feel? If you're a coffee drinker, have you ever gone the whole morning without a cup? That's how I feel all the time. I'm just sour. It takes a lot to make me smile or be happy. I feel very cold inside and just angry. I notice it more and more, and I gotta tell you - it's a bitch to try and "create" like that. I can, I mean I guess that's where your acting ability comes in. You just find a way through it. I'll obviously get into this more in the last entry. Of course I have to do my Annual Drinking Video next week which oughtta be a hoot. As much as I dread doing it, I have to admit that it's pretty amazing what comes out of my mouth when I strip all inhibitions and just put raw emotions to tape. This year oughtta be a fuh-riggin' doozy.
Anyway, Happy Holidays to everyone. It really is a nice time of year, and I like seeing everyone happy. No matter how I feel, you can still sense the joy around you - and that's cool. One more entry left. You gotta love my ability to end each year on a 5 or 0 entry number. Ooh...though 300 is coming up. I pulled 200 out of my ass for a good entry, but I'm afraid 300 isn't gonna be a damn thing. We'll see though. Stranger things have happened. Hmmm..maybe I set up a show for the William Morris VP just to coincide. May work.
Anyway, look forward to writing the final entry in a week. Until, drink and be merry.