only isn't this picture possible because of the cats
& dogs, but neither of those heads on me
& Jess are from that moment. Nothin' like
crafting the perfect family in photoshop. We did
however give it one real attempt. Heh:
is and will ever be the only shot of all 4
animals together anyone will ever see. The
cats are just too old and the dogs are
just too big. Check out the
for an idea of just how big...Shizzle has
become a friggin' BEAST. And he's still
only 6 1/2 months. Whew. Oh and Roxy
turned 9 months today. Good
I go on, I've gotta explain the last entry video,
and corresponding locked entry. Bottom line is I
needed to be able to write in this format, in this
journey, without it being public. It's probably going
to be a monthly occurence. At some point it will all
be unlocked, including the ones from 2 years ago
(whew), but for now I'm gonna need to be able to write
about a bunch of things that are indeed effecting
every step I take, without it being public. I toyed
with the idea of just doing a separate journal, but I
have a good sense of what belongs in "The Journey" and
these locked entries most certainly do I
just can't share them now. On the same hand I can't
just keep avoiding writing about things, so I get to
go back to the old hated standby: the locked entry.
C'est La Vie.
video is much more disturbing at 30 fps. Over the net,
you can't really tell how much it's sped up - but on
TV, it's just very very disturbing. It's exactly how
I feel. My brain is running overtime -
I have so much inside of me that I cant' get
out - and I absolutely feel like I'm going crazy.
Now who are the women? Well in the middle of the new
song, I start playing "Me & You", which is
the first song I ever recorded with my dad for my
first serious girlfriend, Karen. Almost the same chord
progression. I'm thinking of her, then I go back
to the new song, start playing a lullabye and think of
Burgundie (first wife) and Laura (of palaur fame). And
that's it really. It's what I was thinking, so I
decided to document it. But I seriously need to
release the full screen 30 fps version on a
DVD or something because it's just creepy. The
contortions I'm making, and of course the
scream...(sigh). I guess if I were "The
Beatles" y'all could look through every frame, word
and video effect and of that song and try to pick
things out, but I doubt it would lead you anywhere
substantial. Just a little song about Adam losing his
fucking mind. What can I say...
to today's entry. As this is the last real entry
before the year-ender, I guess you're all hoping for
some sort of news on everything. Garis e-mailed you
back! Came to his senses! You have some master plan
now! Uhm...No! Nada! Heh. That episode in my life
really is over. What I've learned is that I need
to make my run at getting on TV now. I do that by
writing the 2-3 minute versions, and of course the
full length clean show. All of which are in the works,
and will take up the next several months to
accomplish. And that's enough to keep me happy for
now. Well, I guess happy is relative considering, but
career-wise I'm alright for now.
I'm raking my leaves yesterday (which apparently you
do here in LA well into January as the fuckers just
won't come down), and I notice that it's just the
raking day for about 5 houses on my street...'cept for
one thing: It's all hired mexican labor. I believe I'm
the last white man who does lawn work in this city. Am
I missing something? Are these guys charging like $10
a lawn or something? Because the front and the back
took my ass 4 hours and I'll gladly hand that to
someone. But honestly? It's never occured to me to pay
someone to mow my grass or rake my leaves. Must be an
East Coast thing, because those are just a part of
life. And in fact, not even a bad part of life.
I slightly enjoy it. But none of my neighbors do
it. It's all hired help. Strange huh? They all looked
at me funny too. Laughing and nodding their head at
me. I can only imagine what they think. Maybe they
think I'm hired help too. Heh. So strange.
yeah. Christmas sucked, both Jess and I miss our
families. I haven't seen my family at Thanksgiving or
Christmas since the friggin' 90s. That, and of course
depression just kinda sucks. You know how I feel?
If you're a coffee drinker, have you ever gone the
whole morning without a cup? That's how I feel all the
time. I'm just sour. It takes a lot to make me smile
or be happy. I feel very cold inside and just angry. I
notice it more and more, and I gotta tell you -
it's a bitch to try and "create" like that. I
can, I mean I guess that's where your acting ability
comes in. You just find a way through it. I'll
obviously get into this more in the last entry. Of
course I have to do my Annual Drinking Video next
week which oughtta be a hoot. As much as I dread
doing it, I have to admit that it's pretty
amazing what comes out of my mouth when I strip
all inhibitions and just put raw emotions to tape.
This year oughtta be a fuh-riggin' doozy.
Happy Holidays to everyone. It really is a nice time
of year, and I like seeing everyone happy. No matter
how I feel, you can still sense the joy around
you - and that's cool. One more entry left. You gotta
love my ability to end each year on a 5 or 0 entry
number. Ooh...though 300 is coming up. I pulled
200 out of my ass for a good entry, but I'm afraid 300
isn't gonna be a damn thing. We'll see though.
Stranger things have happened. Hmmm..maybe I set
up a show for the William Morris VP just to coincide.
look forward to writing the final entry in a week.
Until then...eat, drink and be merry.