YouTube link added 02.11.09
6:57 PM, Wednesday, June 18th, 2003:
"To wig or dye in LA"
Rarely do I come up with such a brilliant title, so it figures it happens within a Trinitron Chronicle when there isn't even ROOM for a title on the Month Page. (sigh)
I've been battling this week with whether or not to go "fake" for part of the show to save my hair. I've decided there's no way around waxing and shaving the eyebrows off - latex and make-up is just waaaaay too time consuming, and would never look right. I will always have to deal with how freakish I look without eyebrows for a couple months. As well the pain of dying said eyebrows will always be endured (although I'll be sure to dye FIRST, wax later - as this video shows the enormous problem the reverse poses).
The hair however is a different animal. By the time I'm done with Spencer, my hair will have been permanently dyed 4 times, and will need a 5th dye job to get it back to my normal color (Assuming it can even be done in one dye job. This was the point in 2001 where I just said fuck it and shaved my head. Your hair pretty much gets fried to hell, and you can only use so much conditioner. When you shave it, you can start over.
Problem of course is waiting 2 years between shoots 'cause your head is shaved. LOL. That's a little extreme. I want to do a new one yearly - period. I could try to not shave my head (and pray it doesn't fall out) after Spencer, and my hair would be ready for next summer. Or I could shave it off now - and it would be long enough for cornrows (barely) next summer, but I 'd need a wig for Dewey. Good part here though - I would only have to dye it once for spencer, thus not having to shave my head.
Right about now, you're probably all thinking "Why the hell am I reading this?" Yeah, this is a bit dry - but it's such an enormous pain in the ass right now it's all I can think about. We dyed it for Dewey, and it was a strange color to say the least. Then we tried to dye it back for Cameron and it didn't work. So we had to do it again - and it's still got a strange red to it. Let me just give a nice "I love you" to Jess for putting up with me. I'm not the easiest person to deal with when it comes to all this. 'Cause I'm stressin' about all the repercussions of multiple hair dying every step of the way. So I'm rather pissy when on dye #3 it's still not the right color, knowing I have at least 2 more. So again, "I love you" Jess - and I've never been pissed at you - just the situation.
Man that woman puts up with a lot from me emotionally. I'm such a yo-yo at times like this. If I do a good take it's "THE GREATEST DAY ON EARTH". Bad take, or bad lighting or something I lose all faith in everything - I might as well stop shooting. LOL.
As well the overall "what the fuck am I doing" depression is seeping in as the T2 nears it's close. I'm always thinking way too many steps ahead and missing the fun stuff aren't I. I guess the plan is to get the 2nd DVD done - and then hit up the booking agents with both DVDs and sell it as a great 60 minute show and try to hit the colleges this fall or winter. Seems like it would at least make me feel like I'm doing something FORWARD. Positive. Anything. I'd have no problem going on tour for 2-3 months as long as it paid enough. Jess could come meet me whenever she had a chance. And with the flexibility of a 60 or 30 minute show - it seems feasible. You know it would KILL on a college circuit anyway. It's something I just feel needs to be done. Get the product in front of as many people as humanly possible. Maybe. (sigh). No clue. LOL.
Ok, newsflash - I've found the moment at which you become an adult. It's not a house, not a marriage, not kids - it's accepting you're a complete failure and being thankful for what you have. THAT makes you an adult - LOL. As long as you still have hope for a brighter tomorrow, and your dreams of "making it" persist - or of course if you get wildly successful, you're still a kid. You can't be a real adult until you're a failure.
Ahhhhhh, the wisdom man - the WISDOM. Since this Trinitron Chronicle has somewhat veeeeeeeered off a bit, check this out. And I guess this actually has a quite the place within The Trinitrons realm.
So I'm sitting on my front porch looking at the nice new green sod they just laid...waiting for Jess to come home to see it. Trying to think of people to call while I waited and I'm thinking of all my speed dials on my old phone I just hooked up. Our new phone is shit, but it has caller ID. So, 9 is Paddy, 8 is on down the list... checking messages. Hmm. What's 2? Dad? No. Had no idea. No real way of figuring it out other than calling. So I did. Someone answers. Actually thought it was my brother Kenny for a second.
PERSON - "Hello?"
ADAM - "Hello! Who's this!"
PERSON - "Uhm, who's this?"
ADAM - "It's Adam! Who's this!?!?"
PERSON - "You called me."
And then I recognize the voice...
ADAM - "Is this Charlotte?"
Long pause. I feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. And of course she HAS to answer, right? It couldn't have been an answering machine and I just go "Oh yeah, 2, 3 AND 4 were Charlotte's numbers". No I have to get the one she would pick up.
ADAM - "I'm so sorry, I just hit speed dial on an old phone. I had no idea."
ADAM - "Sorry 'bout that."
CHARLOTTE - "Ok, take care."
ADAM - "Bye."
In writing, "Take Care" looks like more than it was. It's like if I had said "see ya later". No need to read into that. But man my heart was beating. It's like talking to an old girlfriend. I called the infamous Palaur Laura in February of 2000 (on purpose) and it felt all weird like that.
It's a pretty interesting human emotion thingy. When you break things off with anyone, and over a year passes without contact, they become their own entity. You file their image/voice/history in one place - and the mere mention of their name conjures up the file in one lump. The more time that passes, the less specific that lump gets. It's no longer pointy, it's just a ball.
When I first think of Laura after all this time, my immediate reaction isn't what my final conclusion was. If I had the opportunity to sit and talk with her, I'd just want to know what's happened. I'd be happy to see her. I guarantee though, within 5 minutes I'd become frustrated with her consistent weakness that has permeated every inch of her life. I'd very quickly come to the same final conclusion.
Same with Charlotte. My first instinct was to say "Well hey! Whatcha been up to? Is your production company doin' good? Any of your clients workin' out? Sell any scripts?" I remember her dreams and goals vividly. I was so happy/proud/excited for her in 2001. As I'd be for anyone starting their own company. I wanted her to succeed as much as I wanted to. And for some reason, THAT is what I think of first. Isn't that strange? I guess it's because I believe on any level you can get along with anyone. On one level I'm sure Charlotte thinks I took her money and ran, and on that same level I think she over-promised, underdelivered and blamed me for that, and somehow erased every ounce of faith I've ever had in myself in the period of one year (lol-seems my level is a bit longer) - but on another level? I'm sure she hopes I make it, as do I for her. She absolutely believed in me and my talents at one point, and to this day I know she has the abilities to become a great producer/writer in this town.
You know it may be because we both did sincerely care about each other at one point. This is the same person who sat with Jess and I for HOURS on end explaining the intricacies of development deals and so forth. She framed my Comedy Store Trinitrons poster for me, my father and her office 'cause we were a team. There was absolutely a sincere emotional involvement. And that's my biggest problem with all things that have to do with interpersonal communication:  I see that side forever. I don't believe the END RESULT, negates the beginning and middle. Most people do. Maybe she does? Who knows. We'll bump into each other in some way in the future and have appropriate closure to everything. What A Journey.
Goddamn this is a long entry. Well back on track, some cool news: you're all gonna get a full 2 minutes of the show online when we're all done. There's an opening bit without Adam that bridges the opening explanatory part, and the actual show (kinda like Cameron's openings) that is the perfect part to put online since you don't need the live element to make it work. If I'm in your shoes, I don't know if I download it or wait until I see it live. Your call. Expect that to be the LAST Trinitron Chronicle on the Behind the Scenes stuff, Sunday June 29th. Wow - there'll be 8 Trinitron Chronicles this time, all in the month of June. Pretty cool. Still trying to find a way to perform on the 4th of July Weekend. Here's hopin' something comes up.
Alright, 2 days from Cameron, 3 days from Spencer. Giddy-up.