Rarely do I come
up with such a brilliant title, so it figures it
happens within a Trinitron Chronicle when there isn't
even ROOM for a title on the Month Page.
(sigh)
I've
been battling this week with whether or
not to go "fake" for part of the show to
save my hair. I've decided there's no way
around waxing and shaving the eyebrows off
- latex and make-up is just waaaaay too
time consuming, and would never look
right. I will always have to deal with how
freakish I look without eyebrows for
a couple months. As well the pain of dying
said eyebrows will always be endured
(although I'll be sure to dye FIRST, wax
later - as this
video
shows the enormous problem the reverse
poses).
The hair however
is a different animal. By the time I'm done with
Spencer, my hair will have been permanently dyed 4
times, and will need a 5th dye job to get it back to
my normal color (Assuming it can even be done in one
dye job. This was the point in 2001 where I just
said fuck it and shaved my head. Your hair pretty much
gets fried to hell, and you can only use so much
conditioner. When you shave it, you can start
over.
Problem of course
is waiting 2 years between shoots 'cause your head is
shaved. LOL. That's a little extreme. I want to do a
new one yearly - period. I could try to not shave
my head (and pray it doesn't fall out) after Spencer,
and my hair would be ready for next summer. Or I could
shave it off now - and it would be long enough for
cornrows (barely) next summer, but I 'd need a
wig for Dewey. Good part here though - I would
only have to dye it once for spencer, thus not having
to shave my head.
Right about now,
you're probably all thinking "Why the hell am I
reading this?" Yeah, this is a bit dry - but it's such
an enormous pain in the ass right now it's all I can
think about. We dyed it for Dewey, and it was a
strange color to say the least. Then we tried to dye
it back for Cameron and it didn't work. So we had to
do it again - and it's still got a strange red to it.
Let me just give a nice "I love you" to Jess for
putting up with me. I'm not the easiest person to deal
with when it comes to all this. 'Cause I'm stressin'
about all the repercussions of multiple hair dying
every step of the way. So I'm rather pissy when on dye
#3 it's still not the right color, knowing I have
at least 2 more. So again, "I love you" Jess - and
I've never been pissed at you - just the
situation.
Man that woman
puts up with a lot from me emotionally. I'm such a
yo-yo at times like this. If I do a good take it's
"THE GREATEST DAY ON EARTH". Bad
take, or bad lighting or something I lose all
faith in everything - I might as well stop shooting.
LOL.
As well the
overall "what the fuck am I doing" depression is
seeping in as the T2 nears it's close. I'm always
thinking way too many steps ahead and missing the fun
stuff aren't I. I guess the plan is to get the 2nd DVD
done - and then hit up the booking agents with both
DVDs and sell it as a great 60 minute show and try to
hit the colleges this fall or winter. Seems like it
would at least make me feel like I'm doing something
FORWARD. Positive. Anything. I'd have no problem going
on tour for 2-3 months as long as it paid enough. Jess
could come meet me whenever she had a chance. And with
the flexibility of a 60 or 30 minute show - it seems
feasible. You know it would KILL on a college circuit
anyway. It's something I just feel needs to be
done. Get the product in front of as many people as
humanly possible. Maybe. (sigh). No clue.
LOL.
Ok, newsflash -
I've found the moment at which you become an adult.
It's not a house, not a marriage, not kids - it's
accepting you're a complete failure and being thankful
for what you have. THAT makes you an adult - LOL.
As long as you still have hope for a brighter
tomorrow, and your dreams of "making it" persist - or
of course if you get wildly successful, you're still a
kid. You can't be a real adult until you're a
failure.
Ahhhhhh, the
wisdom man - the WISDOM. Since this Trinitron
Chronicle has somewhat veeeeeeeered off a bit, check
this out. And I guess this actually has a quite the
place within The Trinitrons realm.
So I'm sitting on
my front porch looking at the nice new green sod they
just laid...waiting for Jess to come home to see it.
Trying to think of people to call while I waited
and I'm thinking of all my speed dials on my old phone
I just hooked up. Our new phone is shit, but it
has caller ID. So, 9 is Paddy, 8 is Greg...so on down
the list... 1...is checking messages. Hmm. What's 2?
Dad? No. Had no idea. No real way of figuring it out
other than calling. So I did. Someone answers.
Actually thought it was my brother Kenny for a
second.
PERSON -
"Hello?"
ADAM - "Hello!
Who's this!"
PERSON - "Uhm,
who's this?"
ADAM - "It's
Adam! Who's this!?!?"
PERSON - "You
called me."
And then
I recognize the voice...
ADAM - "Is this
Charlotte?"
CHARLOTTE -
"Yep."
Long pause. I feel
like the biggest idiot on the planet. And of course
she HAS to answer, right? It couldn't have been an
answering machine and I just go "Oh yeah, 2, 3
AND 4 were Charlotte's numbers". No I have to get
the one she would pick up.
ADAM - "I'm so
sorry, I just hit speed dial on an old phone.
I had no idea."
CHARLOTTE -
"Ok..."
ADAM - "Sorry
'bout that."
CHARLOTTE -
"Ok, take care."
ADAM -
"Bye."
In writing, "Take
Care" looks like more than it was. It's like if
I had said "see ya later". No need to read into
that. But man my heart was beating. It's like talking
to an old girlfriend. I called the infamous
Palaur Laura in February of 2000 (on purpose) and it
felt all weird like that.
It's a pretty
interesting human emotion thingy. When you break
things off with anyone, and over a year passes without
contact, they become their own entity. You file their
image/voice/history in one place - and the mere
mention of their name conjures up the file in one
lump. The more time that passes, the less specific
that lump gets. It's no longer pointy, it's just a
ball.
When I first
think of Laura after all this time, my immediate
reaction isn't what my final conclusion was. If I had
the opportunity to sit and talk with her, I'd just
want to know what's happened. I'd be happy to see her.
I guarantee though, within 5 minutes I'd become
frustrated with her consistent weakness that has
permeated every inch of her life. I'd very quickly
come to the same final conclusion.
Same with
Charlotte. My first instinct was to say "Well hey!
Whatcha been up to? Is your production company doin'
good? Any of your clients workin' out? Sell any
scripts?" I remember her dreams and goals
vividly. I was so happy/proud/excited for her in 2001.
As I'd be for anyone starting their own company. I
wanted her to succeed as much as I wanted to. And for
some reason, THAT is what I think of first.
Isn't that strange? I guess it's because I believe on
any level you can get along with anyone. On one level
I'm sure Charlotte thinks I took her money and
ran, and on that same level I think she over-promised,
underdelivered and blamed me for that, and somehow
erased every ounce of faith I've ever had in myself in
the period of one year (lol-seems my level is a bit
longer) - but on another level? I'm sure she hopes
I make it, as do I for her. She absolutely
believed in me and my talents at one point, and to
this day I know she has the abilities to become a
great producer/writer in this town.
You know it may be
because we both did sincerely care about each other at
one point. This is the same person who sat with Jess
and I for HOURS on end explaining the intricacies
of development deals and so forth. She framed my
Comedy Store Trinitrons poster for me, my father and
her office 'cause we were a team. There was absolutely
a sincere emotional involvement. And that's my biggest
problem with all things that have to do with
interpersonal communication: I see that
side forever. I don't believe the END RESULT, negates
the beginning and middle. Most people do. Maybe she
does? Who knows. We'll bump into each other in some
way in the future and have appropriate closure to
everything. What A Journey.
Goddamn this is a
long entry. Well back on track, some cool news: you're
all gonna get a full 2 minutes of the show online when
we're all done. There's an opening bit without Adam
that bridges the opening explanatory part, and the
actual show (kinda like Cameron's openings) that is
the perfect part to put online since you don't need
the live element to make it work. If I'm in your
shoes, I don't know if I download it or wait until
I see it live. Your call. Expect that to be the
LAST Trinitron Chronicle on the Behind the Scenes
stuff, Sunday June 29th. Wow - there'll be 8 Trinitron
Chronicles this time, all in the month of June. Pretty
cool. Still trying to find a way to perform on the 4th
of July Weekend. Here's hopin' something comes
up.
Alright, 2 days
from Cameron, 3 days from Spencer.
Giddy-up.