YouTube link added 02.11.09
9:11 AM, Sunday, February 23rd, 2003:
I hate the Crocidile Hunter with a passion. But it just fit.
In what almost seems surreal, Jess and I have been house hunting with the no-longer cigar-man Remo. He is now realtor man, with a passion for the cigs. Whatever that lady told us before about what a $200,000 loan would cost us was apparently just not trying. Even including, insurance, taxes, miscellaneous crap - it's nowhere near $1800 a month. So the hunt is on again. We said we were gonna move earlier this year, and we friggin' meant it - but moving into another apartment is just not the right move. It's time to make this whole California Dream thingee official.
And that has been just the strangest feeling in the world to me. Every second I think career. Every second. On the elevator ride up to work, I think career. Every waking moment I ask myself what I'm doing to further that. Every second. What really suprises me about the house thing, is that on the outside - it looks like me giving in. It looks like me embracing the domestic life and slowly fading from showbiz...
...but the house will be HERE. lol. Most likely 10 minutes out of the valley. In essence I'm securing that this dream will go on. It feels like one of the most responsible things I, and certainly Jess and I, have ever done. Not just because buying a house is responsible, but because I'm planting myself in LA. There are no "outs". Man, I know myself too well at this point: I have to pursue this. It's so BURNED in my BRAIN to make it in this city, that I'm ok with this past year of "getting off the freeway for the moment." I'm not straying very far. I'm not driving off to the hills, I'm just on a side street - and I'll be back on there, because I have to be.
And that's the difference between 2003 and 2002. I don't feel like an absolute failure because I'm not pushing, pushing, pushing. I am finding joy again in life. Watering plants at work makes me whistle. Seeing patients and talking with actual HUMANS makes me feel alive. Oh yeah - I'm funny. Did you all know that? 'Cause I sure as hell forgot. I'm unique, I'm original - all things that you only notice when you interact with others. These people don't know "The Trinitrons", they don't know anything - yet I'm still a funny person to them, and they like talking with me.
CELEBRITY INSIGHT. This just hit me. Tom Cruise never gets to feel this. If he's depressed, questioning himself - anything, EVERYONE will always treat him differently. He never gets to be "normal" and just see who he is without all the crap. He has to just "know" it. That was something I couldn't do. I couldn't just "know" who I was after Charlotte. That was all stripped away. I was completely and utterly lost. Had I actually been famous, I would've been pretty fucked. 'Cause you know how I figured it all out again? By getting a desk job at a Dr.'s office. Being a nobody, showed me who I was now, and always have been. That twisted sense of humor, the constant singing/whistling. That bouncy, happy person. Human interraction with people who didn't know a damn thing about me, did it in a month. I really hope I have my shit together a little better before I have any success. 'Cause there will be a "fall" just like what I had in 2002 again. Bound to happen, I just need to be ready for it.
Oh yeah - a house. I need to do more little entries as opposed to weekly HUGE ones, 'cause my tangent quotient is off the charts. Christ, I'm on one now...
House, house, house. We've found one we liked, but we were too late. It actually had a half basement. It was unreal. Remo was shocked. None of the houses have been "blow-you-away" perfect, but at the price range we're in, that won't happen. However it certainly is amazing just how varying some properties are. You gotta just take the time and check out a bunch.
You also realize just how racist you are when buying a home. It's human nature though I guess. Buying a house is based more on "feel" than anything, and I don't "feel" comfortable in an all-hispanic neighborhood. Some of these neighborhoods are actually nice - but it just feels uncomfortable. What's funny though, is as someone who is fully-aware of how racist that sounds, when you're buying a house - you just don't give a shit. You're not gonna spend a 1/4 million on a house if you don't feel good about it, no matter what the reason. I mean part of me wants to be the guy that breaks that wall down, gets a house there - and becomes friends with everyone. We'd be the nice white couple. LOL. But in reality - it's just too much of a risk. This is a shitload of money. Anyway - I'll move on now...
Premiere. There's a reason that's in the title. Jess and I are going to a premiere of a movie that I'm actually in. How strrrrrrange is that? The B-Movie, "Net Games" that I had 2 scenes in is actually gonna be shown in a theater. Suprised me. If there was ever something I thought would go direct-to-DVD, it would be that. But alas - it's getting a full fledged premiere at a movie theater and everything. Kerry got us tickets. How surreal. I want to be really, really excited about this - but somethin' tells me not to be. I also want to rent a limo and pretend like I'm a badass, but again - somethin' tells me not to be. LOL. It'll be fun, there will be video - there will be an entry.
Trinitrons 2. Rockin'. Have a first draft of Act 1 complete. I'm now working on all the friggin' songs (there's more this time around), and there isn't really much of a 3rd Act as was the case in the first one. It's kind of "Set-up a reason for the boys to sing funny songs, sing them - be happy". As far as topping the original..meh...I just want it to be really funny. I've never laughed so much writing in my life - so at least I think it's funny. As I said before, this type of show format doesn't leave a whole lot of room for an amazing plot - I just need to make it funnier. We all KNOW Spence and G now, so we don't need to set that up - we just need to expand. And boy are we. Can't wait to film this puppy. I was gonna just use a curtain, but I think I'm gonna go all out again this time. Paint the wall...everything. What the hell, I'm in a good mood. That poor wall is gonna have 10 coats of paint on it. LOL. Classic. Still lookin' at a March shoot.
Speaking of shots...was Jordan's "Game Wiinner" in the all-star game amazing or what? I personally want to strangle Jermaine O'Neal for fouling Kobe at the buzzer to make it go into double OT. That basically erased Jordan's storybook ending. He would've had the game-winner, MVP, everything. Oh well, it was still a killer shot by Jordan. Here's hopin' they make the 8th seed.
Haven't forgotten the Buckeye video. I swear to you. It's like they won it a year ago, I know. I'm just so busy. Besides everything I've already mentioned - has now taken on a life of it's own. It's become a mini-franchise right now, and it is really amazing how well it's coming together. Trying to come up with a system that will allow me to do it for every xbox live sport. I'm really proud of the site design, and again - it's fuelin' that creative side of me so much. As well, these people involved in the league don't know a thing about the "other" me - and they're impressed by everything. Lord knows why that means something. Reminds me of that "Acceptance" song I wrote about the "Wrestling Fans" who like my songs. Why do I need the acceptance? I have no idea, but I really, really, do. People thinking I'm talented/funny/unique - all that...make me happy.
I'm a fuggin' head-case boy. LOL. That or I'm just more honest than most people about how we truly feel...who knows.