I
hate the Crocidile Hunter with a passion. But it just
fit.
In
what almost seems surreal, Jess and I have been house
hunting with the no-longer cigar-man Remo. He is now
realtor man, with a passion for the cigs. Whatever
that lady told us before about what a $200,000 loan
would cost us was apparently just not trying. Even
including, insurance, taxes, miscellaneous crap - it's
nowhere near $1800 a month. So the hunt is on again.
We said we were gonna move earlier this year, and we
friggin' meant it - but moving into another apartment
is just not the right move. It's time to make this
whole California Dream thingee official.
And
that has been just the strangest feeling in the world
to me. Every second I think career. Every second. On
the elevator ride up to work, I think career. Every
waking moment I ask myself what I'm doing to further
that. Every second. What really suprises me about the
house thing, is that on the outside - it looks like me
giving in. It looks like me embracing the domestic
life and slowly fading from showbiz...
...but
the house will be HERE. lol. Most likely 10 minutes
out of the valley. In essence I'm securing that this
dream will go on. It feels like one of the most
responsible things I, and certainly Jess and I, have
ever done. Not just because buying a house is
responsible, but because I'm planting myself in LA.
There are no "outs". Man, I know myself too well at
this point: I have to pursue this. It's so
BURNED in my BRAIN to make it in this city, that
I'm ok with this past year of "getting off the freeway
for the moment." I'm not straying very far. I'm not
driving off to the hills, I'm just on a side street -
and I'll be back on there, because I have to be.
And
that's the difference between 2003 and 2002. I don't
feel like an absolute failure because I'm not pushing,
pushing, pushing. I am finding joy again in life.
Watering plants at work makes me whistle. Seeing
patients and talking with actual HUMANS makes me feel
alive. Oh yeah - I'm funny. Did you all know that?
'Cause I sure as hell forgot. I'm unique, I'm original
- all things that you only notice when you interact
with others. These people don't know "The Trinitrons",
they don't know anything - yet I'm still a funny
person to them, and they like talking with me.
CELEBRITY INSIGHT.
This just hit me. Tom Cruise never gets to feel this.
If he's depressed, questioning himself - anything,
EVERYONE will always treat him differently. He never
gets to be "normal" and just see who he is
without all the crap. He has to just "know" it. That
was something I couldn't do. I couldn't just
"know" who I was after Charlotte. That was all
stripped away. I was completely and utterly lost. Had
I actually been famous, I would've been pretty
fucked. 'Cause you know how I figured it all out
again? By getting a desk job at a Dr.'s office. Being
a nobody, showed me who I was now, and always have
been. That twisted sense of humor, the constant
singing/whistling. That bouncy, happy person. Human
interraction with people who didn't know a damn thing
about me, did it in a month. I really hope I have
my shit together a little better before I have any
success. 'Cause there will be a "fall" just like what
I had in 2002 again. Bound to happen, I just need to
be ready for it.
Oh
yeah - a house. I need to do more little entries as
opposed to weekly HUGE ones, 'cause my tangent
quotient is off the charts. Christ, I'm on one
now...
House,
house, house. We've found one we liked, but we were
too late. It actually had a half basement. It was
unreal. Remo was shocked. None of the houses have been
"blow-you-away" perfect, but at the price range we're
in, that won't happen. However it certainly is amazing
just how varying some properties are. You gotta just
take the time and check out a bunch.
You
also realize just how racist you are when buying a
home. It's human nature though I guess. Buying a house
is based more on "feel" than anything, and I don't
"feel" comfortable in an all-hispanic neighborhood.
Some of these neighborhoods are actually nice - but it
just feels uncomfortable. What's funny though, is as
someone who is fully-aware of how racist that sounds,
when you're buying a house - you just don't give a
shit. You're not gonna spend a 1/4 million on a house
if you don't feel good about it, no matter what the
reason. I mean part of me wants to be the guy that
breaks that wall down, gets a house there - and
becomes friends with everyone. We'd be the nice white
couple. LOL. But in reality - it's just too much of a
risk. This is a shitload of money. Anyway - I'll move
on now...
Premiere.
There's a reason that's in the title. Jess and I are
going to a premiere of a movie that I'm actually in.
How strrrrrrange is that? The B-Movie, "Net Games"
that I had 2 scenes in is actually gonna be shown in a
theater. Suprised me. If there was ever something I
thought would go direct-to-DVD, it would be that. But
alas - it's getting a full fledged premiere at a movie
theater and everything. Kerry got us tickets. How
surreal. I want to be really, really excited about
this - but somethin' tells me not to be. I also
want to rent a limo and pretend like I'm a badass, but
again - somethin' tells me not to be. LOL. It'll be
fun, there will be video - there will be an
entry.
Trinitrons
2. Rockin'. Have a first draft of Act 1 complete. I'm
now working on all the friggin' songs (there's more
this time around), and there isn't really much of a
3rd Act as was the case in the first one. It's kind of
"Set-up a reason for the boys to sing funny songs,
sing them - be happy". As far as topping the
original..meh...I just want it to be really
funny. I've never laughed so much writing in my life -
so at least I think it's funny. As I said before, this
type of show format doesn't leave a whole lot of room
for an amazing plot - I just need to make it
funnier. We all KNOW Spence and G now, so we don't
need to set that up - we just need to expand. And boy
are we. Can't wait to film this puppy. I was gonna
just use a curtain, but I think I'm gonna go all
out again this time. Paint the wall...everything. What
the hell, I'm in a good mood. That poor wall is gonna
have 10 coats of paint on it. LOL. Classic. Still
lookin' at a March shoot.
Speaking
of shots...was Jordan's
"Game
Wiinner" in
the all-star game amazing or what? I
personally want to strangle Jermaine
O'Neal for fouling Kobe at the buzzer to
make it go into double OT. That basically
erased Jordan's storybook ending. He
would've had the game-winner, MVP,
everything. Oh well, it was still a killer
shot by Jordan. Here's hopin' they make
the 8th seed.
Haven't
forgotten the Buckeye video. I swear to you. It's like
they won it a year ago, I know. I'm just so busy.
Besides everything I've already mentioned -
BestOnlineLeague.com
has now taken on a life of it's own. It's become a
mini-franchise right now, and it is really amazing how
well it's coming together. Trying to come up with a
system that will allow me to do it for every xbox live
sport. I'm really proud of the site design, and again
- it's fuelin' that creative side of me so much. As
well, these people involved in the league don't know a
thing about the "other" me - and they're impressed by
everything. Lord knows why that means something.
Reminds me of that "Acceptance" song I wrote
about the "Wrestling Fans" who like my songs. Why do I
need the acceptance? I have no idea, but I really,
really, do. People thinking I'm talented/funny/unique
- all that...make me happy.
I'm
a fuggin' head-case boy. LOL. That or I'm just more
honest than most people about how we truly feel...who
knows.
