Adam Kontras.com - TRIUMPH!




11:26 PM, Tuesday July 20th, 2004: Dear Adam, Losin' my mind, losin' my mind, losin' my mind. What the fuck Adam? You know the answer and you can't face it. You cannot spend the rest of your sexual life with Jessica. It is an impossibility. You've played every goddamn scenerio in your mind, and there's no way you can function and still be faithful to her. And hell, you couldn't even cheat succesffully - you'd just end up losing your shit, taking drugs - doing whatever necessary. You have to leave her. It has to happen. You have to do it. You have to stop worrying that that is the only reason and just fucking realize that it's important enough to give up and sacrifice a good mother to your children and a best friend. Your entire ego and self confidence stems from how other's view you and how you view yourself. Without the fuel of sex, attractiveness, passion - that part of you is completely dead. Your sexuality defines you. You have loved women since birth. You have been attracted to women as early as you could walk. You had girlfriends in kindergarten for christ's sake. You have always had passionate love affairs and they define who you are. Without it, you're not fully you. And this constant rationalization with Jessica is going to be the fuckin' death of you and your dreams...not only "fame" dreams, but "family" dreams as well. How do you even dare to risk the rest of your life when it's so obvious? Just because it's comfortable? JESUS get some balls dude. Why do you risk alienating the relationship you can always have with her by starting a family that YOU KNOW will result in a resentment so strong you'll be disgusted to even look at her? Why when you're so close now, and could truly continue that if you don't continue this marriage? What the fuck are you waiting for? And why do you sit and worry about finding another person like her? What kind of man are you Adam? When have you ever held on so tightly to what you have? You've always risked everything because you have faith in yourself. Especially when women are concerned. How on earth do you expect to make it, say - show a movie studio/tv studio they can put faith in you when you don't have the balls to get what you want at home? Who is going to buy into your bullshit? Could the writing be anymore on the wall? Fuckin' shit Adam. What good is a great mother to your children when you can't describe passion to them? Goddamnit. Don't ever, ever, ever put your dick into that woman again Adam. Your love for her is as a friend, and if you don't see that right this second - you will regret it for the rest of your life. Do this now. Stand up for yourself NOW. Immediately. Your entire life will change right in front of your eyes if you stand-up for yourself at this moment. If you give into the "comforts" of this relationship, you will give-in for the rest of your life. Be, a FUCKING, man already. AHHHHHHHH. You are indeed full of rage. That dream was so right. It was so foreshadowing how you will eventually feel about her, if you don't already. You are friends. Jesus - Adam, don't you think that the whole "jealousy" thing is a CLUE? What other husband has no problem seeing their wife in another relationship with another man? Could there be any bigger sign that you're just friends? Why must you confuse this so much? Fuckin shit, fuckin' shit, fuckin SHIT already. You're gonna be 30 next year and you can't figure this out? What more do you need? Jess to hold your hand and give you an "out"? Just so you can tell everyone this was mutual? Just so you don't FEEL BAD? Are you kidding? Why the hell do you care? Is it really that much more acceptable to say that you AGREED to split-up rather than just admitting you were completely unsatisfied and miserable and made the choices to change that? Fuck man. I honestly just can't believe how much of a pussy you are in all this. I mean I'd hope that even Jessica would respect you more for that, than having to constantly wait for her lead on this. And truly, she's the most indecisive woman on the planet. It's a common joke among your mutual friends to not ask her where she wants to eat. It is not uncommon for 30 minutes to pass during that process. It's endearing to a point, but makes for this situation to be unbearable. So Adam, no matter what, stop thinking this is feasible. If you care at ALL about your well-being for the next 30-40 years of your life, get OUT. You have to. You deserve more, and obviously so does Jess. There's a reason you're not jealous thinking of Jess with another man...because Jess would be better off with another man. Period. The path of least resistance here will lead you to misery. And serious misery. All you've experienced up to this point has been "depression-lite". You bring a kid into the works with a woman you aren't passionate about get ready for some serious shit. You think you won't cheat? Yeah, right. Not only will you cheat on Jess, you'll be cheating on that kid. You wanna walk into a disastrous family situation? What the fuck are you thinking man. Oh and remember how you looked back on that little 2 page thingee you wrote about Burgundie about 8 weeks before you got married in 1996? How she didn't seem to "love you" like that, you were just friends, very little sex? Remember how badly THAT hurt to read about a year later? Well multiply that shit by 100 now. Because you've already fallen into the same situation twice and you're actually contemplating kids with her simply because she may be able to work from home? Dude - a HOOKER can work from home man, get your priorities straight. Wow, a prostitute would kill two birds wouldn't it.... LOL. There, feels good to laugh. Ok, so that's how you feel sitting at work at 4:41 PM, Tuesday July 20th, 2004. Don't fucking forget it man. You know how you felt last night. Sitting there ALONE with your wife in bed next to you. It is not in here nature, deal with this now. Now Adam. You're risking disaster. Adam. I have no idea where the strength will come from, but I have to do this. I HAVE to. Christ I'm away from the house for what, 6 hours? And I have all this fly out of me? It's there, it's done. There is nothing, more, to say. Believe, believe, believe.

11:26 PM, Tuesday July 20th, 2004: Dear Adam, Losin' my mind, losin' my mind, losin' my mind. What the fuck Adam? You know the answer and you can't face it. You cannot spend the rest of your sexual life with Jessica. It is an impossibility. You've played every goddamn scenerio in your mind, and there's no way you can function and still be faithful to her. And hell, you couldn't even cheat succesffully - you'd just end up losing your shit, taking drugs - doing whatever necessary. You have to leave her. It has to happen. You have to do it. You have to stop worrying that that is the only reason and just fucking realize that it's important enough to give up and sacrifice a good mother to your children and a best friend. Your entire ego and self confidence stems from how other's view you and how you view yourself. Without the fuel of sex, attractiveness, passion - that part of you is completely dead. Your sexuality defines you. You have loved women since birth. You have been attracted to women as early as you could walk. You had girlfriends in kindergarten for christ's sake. You have always had passionate love affairs and they define who you are. Without it, you're not fully you. And this constant rationalization with Jessica is going to be the fuckin' death of you and your dreams...not only "fame" dreams, but "family" dreams as well. How do you even dare to risk the rest of your life when it's so obvious? Just because it's comfortable? JESUS get some balls dude. Why do you risk alienating the relationship you can always have with her by starting a family that YOU KNOW will result in a resentment so strong you'll be disgusted to even look at her? Why when you're so close now, and could truly continue that if you don't continue this marriage? What the fuck are you waiting for? And why do you sit and worry about finding another person like her? What kind of man are you Adam? When have you ever held on so tightly to what you have? You've always risked everything because you have faith in yourself. Especially when women are concerned. How on earth do you expect to make it, say - show a movie studio/tv studio they can put faith in you when you don't have the balls to get what you want at home? Who is going to buy into your bullshit? Could the writing be anymore on the wall? Fuckin' shit Adam. What good is a great mother to your children when you can't describe passion to them? Goddamnit. Don't ever, ever, ever put your dick into that woman again Adam. Your love for her is as a friend, and if you don't see that right this second - you will regret it for the rest of your life. Do this now. Stand up for yourself NOW. Immediately. Your entire life will change right in front of your eyes if you stand-up for yourself at this moment. If you give into the "comforts" of this relationship, you will give-in for the rest of your life. Be, a FUCKING, man already. AHHHHHHHH. You are indeed full of rage. That dream was so right. It was so foreshadowing how you will eventually feel about her, if you don't already. You are friends. Jesus - Adam, don't you think that the whole "jealousy" thing is a CLUE? What other husband has no problem seeing their wife in another relationship with another man? Could there be any bigger sign that you're just friends? Why must you confuse this so much? Fuckin shit, fuckin' shit, fuckin SHIT already. You're gonna be 30 next year and you can't figure this out? What more do you need? Jess to hold your hand and give you an "out"? Just so you can tell everyone this was mutual? Just so you don't FEEL BAD? Are you kidding? Why the hell do you care? Is it really that much more acceptable to say that you AGREED to split-up rather than just admitting you were completely unsatisfied and miserable and made the choices to change that? Fuck man. I honestly just can't believe how much of a pussy you are in all this. I mean I'd hope that even Jessica would respect you more for that, than having to constantly wait for her lead on this. And truly, she's the most indecisive woman on the planet. It's a common joke among your mutual friends to not ask her where she wants to eat. It is not uncommon for 30 minutes to pass during that process. It's endearing to a point, but makes for this situation to be unbearable. So Adam, no matter what, stop thinking this is feasible. If you care at ALL about your well-being for the next 30-40 years of your life, get OUT. You have to. You deserve more, and obviously so does Jess. There's a reason you're not jealous thinking of Jess with another man...because Jess would be better off with another man. Period. The path of least resistance here will lead you to misery. And serious misery. All you've experienced up to this point has been "depression-lite". You bring a kid into the works with a woman you aren't passionate about get ready for some serious shit. You think you won't cheat? Yeah, right. Not only will you cheat on Jess, you'll be cheating on that kid. You wanna walk into a disastrous family situation? What the fuck are you thinking man. Oh and remember how you looked back on that little 2 page thingee you wrote about Burgundie about 8 weeks before you got married in 1996? How she didn't seem to "love you" like that, you were just friends, very little sex? Remember how badly THAT hurt to read about a year later? Well multiply that shit by 100 now. Because you've already fallen into the same situation twice and you're actually contemplating kids with her simply because she may be able to work from home? Dude - a HOOKER can work from home man, get your priorities straight. Wow, a prostitute would kill two birds wouldn't it.... LOL. There, feels good to laugh. Ok, so that's how you feel sitting at work at 4:41 PM, Tuesday July 20th, 2004. Don't fucking forget it man. You know how you felt last night. Sitting there ALONE with your wife in bed next to you. It is not in here nature, deal with this now. Now Adam. You're risking disaster. Adam. I have no idea where the strength will come from, but I have to do this. I HAVE to. Christ I'm away from the house for what, 6 hours? And I have all this fly out of me? It's there, it's done. There is nothing, more, to say. Believe, believe, believe.