YouTube link added 02.06.09
12:59 AM, Sunday, November 21st, 2004:
Who says I'm not an actor? You should see the role I've been playing the last two weeks. It's great. I play this mortgage loan officer that sells LIBOR loans. I'm pretty good at the part. It feels like I'm sitting in the WTVN studios again and talking to complete strangers. Most callers are happy to hear from you (as they called you) and you just have a nice conversation.
As roles go however, this one is quite demanding. It's a new reality series that really has no foreseeable end. Yeah, I always said I wanted nothing to do with reality TV but sometimes you have to pay the bills. All the other actors are amazing. I swear to GOD it's like they're actual loan officers. In reality, they're just people like me with the same crazy stories that lead them to some freezing cold office space to play these peculiar roles. They set me up next to a fellow Greek which I thought was pretty pathetic. Like we'd just automatically become friends because we're both Greek? Well, they were kind of right...but I hate feeling manipulated by the man.
Alright, that pretty much sets up this entry. The polor opposite of my entry two weeks ago. I truly no longer think I'm bi-polar...I don't even really think it's the city either. My life just simply is. My life, and how it's been chronicled in this Journey is so fucking emotional and dramatic that every time I turn around it's completely different than I thought it would be the day before. For example:
I'm not going to be renting out the house now. Why? 'Cause now I don't want to share the bathroom with a stranger. How ironic is that? As well, it became pretty apparent within the first two weeks at this job that making this mortgage payment by myself would not be a problem. I feel like I've landed in a goddamn twilight zone episode. How can I be good at THIS? What the fuck do I know about mortgage loans? But honest to GOD I listen to what I'm saying and I sound like I've known this industry for years. It sounds like I am actually passionate about it. And the truth is? I am...because I fuggin' HAVE TO BE. My back has never been against the wall like this. But more than just the will to do it, man my background in talk radio is helping so much. There are some callers that within 2 minutes I feel like I've known them my whole life, and they feel the same. It's uncanny. I don't feel like the new guy at all. And the loan program we're offering really is a good deal so there's not much to sell. So again, paying the mortgage no longer seems like the problem it once was.
The problem however is I built this entire fuggin guesthouse, moved all my shit into this space and the house will be friggin' EMPTY. GODDAMNIT. It's slightly funny, if it wasn't so friggin' sad. I'm thinking of making a studio and just moving EVVVVVVVVERYTHING back into the house. Dear GOD. Just the thought of that. Looking over my shoulder at all the shit in this room makes me cringe now. (sigh). I guess I'll figure all that out in January. For now, it's done. Or as I like to say:
Ahem. Moving on. So it's been a 180 degree turn in my thought process. I've spent the entirety of the last few months (and really my entire life) trying to figure out how I'll save every penny, cut every cost, maximize every bit of space, save every damn subway stamp I can find, and now that almost completely goes out the window. I'll do my best to continue on the road of living on less than $20,000 a year but after having that mentality for 29 years, I may actually have to go buy some new socks or some shit. This is certianly going to be a strange shift for me. Something I thought would come only if I had some sort of success in the entertainment industry comes with me as a salesman? Huh? Well, add this to the list of "what the fucks" that litter this Journey like a junkyard. I just can't believe it. I know I had no choice but to make this work, but I never thought it could mean so much.
Of course the elation at my crazy adventure in LA will soon be erased. Jess and I are doing everything we can to avoid thinking about it but it's right here. Jess leaves on December 22nd, and I fly back a day later and will help her move in back in Columbus. Then I get to come back to LA to an entirely new year, new life and absolute depression. Individually, I think we've both been working through it. I know I have, I guess I can't speak for Jess. The problem is so little has changed in our day-to-day lives. If it wasn't for this self-imposed date on 12/22 you'd never know there was a problem. I can't imagine how we're going to get through this. I used to curse how long we've had to draw this out, and now it's flying by at the blink of an eye. You just have to keep believing that in the end, we'll be proud of the choices we made to help each other. I just don't know what I'll do with myself the day I'm actually 100% happy. Heh. There always has to be this balance of extraordinary bread for a shit sandwich.
And on that lovely visual, I'll go to bed. ;-)
PS - I hope you're a good sport Mr. Joseph Neal. You must be good at what you do because you're on the first page of a google search for "loan officer" images. LOL - I guarantee someone in your office is gonna find this and just rib you forever. That smile is classic buddy.