Who says I'm not
an actor? You should see the role I've been playing
the last two weeks. It's great. I play this mortgage
loan officer that sells LIBOR loans. I'm pretty
good at the part. It feels like I'm sitting in the
WTVN studios again and talking to complete
strangers. Most callers are happy to hear from you (as
they called you) and you just have a nice
conversation.
As roles go
however, this one is quite demanding. It's a new
reality series that really has no foreseeable end.
Yeah, I always said I wanted nothing to do with
reality TV but sometimes you have to pay the bills.
All the other actors are amazing. I swear to
GOD it's like they're actual loan officers. In
reality, they're just people like me with the same
crazy stories that lead them to some freezing cold
office space to play these peculiar roles. They set me
up next to a fellow Greek which I thought was pretty
pathetic. Like we'd just automatically become friends
because we're both Greek? Well, they were kind of
right...but I hate feeling manipulated by the
man.
Alright, that
pretty much sets up this entry. The polor opposite of
my entry two weeks ago. I truly no longer think
I'm bi-polar...I don't even really think it's the city
either. My life just simply is. My life, and how it's
been chronicled in this Journey is so fucking
emotional and dramatic that every time I turn
around it's completely different than I thought
it would be the day before. For example:
I'm not going to
be renting out the house now. Why? 'Cause now
I don't want to share the bathroom with
a stranger. How ironic is that? As well, it became
pretty apparent within the first two weeks at this job
that making this mortgage payment by myself would not
be a problem. I feel like I've landed in a
goddamn twilight zone episode. How can I be good
at THIS? What the fuck do I know about mortgage
loans? But honest to GOD I listen to what I'm
saying and I sound like I've known this industry for
years. It sounds like I am actually passionate about
it. And the truth is? I am...because I fuggin'
HAVE TO BE. My back has never been against
the wall like this. But more than just the will to do
it, man my background in talk radio is helping so
much. There are some callers that within 2 minutes I
feel like I've known them my whole life, and they feel
the same. It's uncanny. I don't feel like the new
guy at all. And the loan program we're offering really
is a good deal so there's not much to sell. So again,
paying the mortgage no longer seems like the problem
it once was.
The problem
however is I built this entire fuggin guesthouse,
moved all my shit into this space and the house will
be friggin' EMPTY. GODDAMNIT. It's slightly funny, if
it wasn't so friggin' sad. I'm thinking of making a
studio and just moving EVVVVVVVVERYTHING back into the
house. Dear GOD. Just the thought of that. Looking
over my shoulder at all the shit in this room makes me
cringe now. (sigh). I guess I'll figure all that out
in January. For now, it's done. Or as I like to
say:
"IT IS WHAT IT IS"
Ahem. Moving on.
So it's been a 180 degree turn in my thought process.
I've spent the entirety of the last few months (and
really my entire life) trying to figure out how I'll
save every penny, cut every cost, maximize every bit
of space, save every damn subway stamp I can
find, and now that almost completely goes out the
window. I'll do my best to continue on the road of
living on less than $20,000 a year but after having
that mentality for 29 years, I may actually have to go
buy some new socks or some shit. This is certianly
going to be a strange shift for me. Something
I thought would come only if I had some sort of
success in the entertainment industry comes with me as
a salesman? Huh? Well, add this to the list of "what
the fucks" that litter this Journey like a junkyard.
I just can't believe it. I know I had
no choice but to make this work, but I never
thought it could mean so much.
Of course the
elation at my crazy adventure in LA will soon be
erased. Jess and I are doing everything we can to
avoid thinking about it but it's right here. Jess
leaves on December 22nd, and I fly back a day
later and will help her move in back in Columbus. Then
I get to come back to LA to an entirely new year, new
life and absolute depression. Individually, I think
we've both been working through it. I know
I have, I guess I can't speak for Jess. The
problem is so little has changed in our day-to-day
lives. If it wasn't for this self-imposed date on
12/22 you'd never know there was a problem.
I can't imagine how we're going to get through
this. I used to curse how long we've had to draw this
out, and now it's flying by at the blink of an eye.
You just have to keep believing that in the end, we'll
be proud of the choices we made to help each other. I
just don't know what I'll do with myself the day I'm
actually 100% happy. Heh. There always has to be this
balance of extraordinary bread for a shit
sandwich.
And on that lovely
visual, I'll go to bed. ;-)
Adam
PS -
I hope you're a good sport Mr.
Joseph
Neal.
You must be good at what you do because
you're on the first page of a google
search for "loan officer" images. LOL
- I guarantee someone in your office
is gonna find this and just rib you
forever. That smile is classic
buddy.
