Well maybe it's
the double homicides from '97. You know I always
knew they would come back to haunt me. Or maybe it's
that flashing phase I went through - goddamn
Megan's Law. No I know, Gary. It's Gary. He
called up both of my jobs, AS ME, and made them
hate me. (That's a nearly 3 year allusion for you
longtime supporters).
So I have yet
to hear back from the Mortgage peeps after a week of
calling. Caught him once on Monday and he said he
forgot 'cause it was so hectic. Apparently it was a
background check then I meet the owner - and
we're off. The problem here is simple: even if
I were to sell a loan THIS WEEK, I wouldn't
get paid until 2005. That's if everything goes
perfect. (sigh) So I obviously want to get going as
fast as humanly possible. I'm getting a bit edgy. And
so is the weather - I mean what the
hell:
No not just hail
today - but you ready for this? Hail, two tornados and
a lunar eclipse. ?!?!?!?! All in LA. Well the twisters
were in Malibu...actually I think it was still
LA county - but the weather system is completely
wacky. And guess what Roxy isn't a big fan of? Ice
cubes falling from the sky. It's funny - Shizzle barks
at it and Roxy hides. Heh. God love 'em.
I have to admit as
funny as it all was, I was a little uneasy.
I mean, North Hollywood is in the heart of the
VALLEY. It doesn't snow in the valley. It
doesn't HAIL in the valley...and it sure as hell
doesn't do it in October. A tiny part of me thought
something was horribly, horribly wrong. So I turn
on the TV and honest-to-GOD right at that moment I see
the tornados in Malibu.
Seriously,
for about 3 seconds I thought there
was some "Day After
Tomorrow" catastrophic event
happening. And you can't really tell from
the video,
but it was REALLY comin' down. Luckily -
they were tiny hail 'cause - well no car
in the garage any more huh. Heh. Of course
I build my garage into a Guest house
and then don't have shelter for my car
when it HAILS. LOL.
So the weather was
a nice diversion from the constant WAITING for the
call. I mean you finally accept the fact that
you're going to jump into this thing feet first, ugh
100% commission, and now I can't get the guy to
return my call. I know my background check is
clean...they're just busy 'cause it's the end of the
month. But man, I seriously need something
settled NOW. Shit is getting really close. Jess is
gone in less than 2 months and I need to be ready to
take all this over. The stress level is getting up
there. This is just such a miserable time. I feel
like I can't start ANYTHING until I have
this secured. This, or any job is the foundation. It's
the starting point - then you get everything else
ready. God it sucks.
As well,
everything is just building up. It's the slow 6 month
build-up to what is going to be one of the worst days
of my life: helping Jess load the U-Haul and
watching her drive away. I just don't know where I'm
going to get the strength. The urge to join her in
that truck is at times the strongest feeling I've ever
known...only to know how I'd feel in Columbus would
drive me insane. I just want it OVER. It needs to end.
It needed to end in July when we decided it. It's to
the point now where every moment is excruciating -
because we're so goddamn HAPPY. As bad as you reading
this can imagine this feels...you have no idea. It's
unlike anything I've ever known. I don't believe for a
minute I'm making the right decision and all I can see
is unending loneliness and misery come January. I
can't imagine December.
Well, there will
be a moment in my life - when I bitch about
having money. It will happen. I will bitch about how
much more complicated life is with it, how many
problems arise when you have it and I need you all to
link me to this entry. This entry is what happens when
you have no money. You have no freedom, you can make
no choices, you are completely at the mercy of
others.
So for cryin' out
loud - someone return my goddamn
phonecalls.
