YouTube link added 02.06.09
12:11 AM, Thursday, October 28th, 2004:
Well maybe it's the double homicides from '97. You know I always knew they would come back to haunt me. Or maybe it's that flashing phase I went through - goddamn Megan's Law. No I know, Gary. It's Gary. He called up both of my jobs, AS ME, and made them hate me. (That's a nearly 3 year allusion for you longtime supporters).
So I have yet to hear back from the Mortgage peeps after a week of calling. Caught him once on Monday and he said he forgot 'cause it was so hectic. Apparently it was a background check then I meet the owner - and we're off. The problem here is simple: even if I were to sell a loan THIS WEEK, I wouldn't get paid until 2005. That's if everything goes perfect. (sigh) So I obviously want to get going as fast as humanly possible. I'm getting a bit edgy. And so is the weather - I mean what the hell:
No not just hail today - but you ready for this? Hail, two tornados and a lunar eclipse. ?!?!?!?! All in LA. Well the twisters were in Malibu...actually I think it was still LA county - but the weather system is completely wacky. And guess what Roxy isn't a big fan of? Ice cubes falling from the sky. It's funny - Shizzle barks at it and Roxy hides. Heh. God love 'em.
I have to admit as funny as it all was, I was a little uneasy. I mean, North Hollywood is in the heart of the VALLEY. It doesn't snow in the valley. It doesn't HAIL in the valley...and it sure as hell doesn't do it in October. A tiny part of me thought something was horribly, horribly wrong. So I turn on the TV and honest-to-GOD right at that moment I see the tornados in Malibu.
Seriously, for about 3 seconds I thought there was some "Day After Tomorrow" catastrophic event happening. And you can't really tell from the video, but it was REALLY comin' down. Luckily - they were tiny hail 'cause - well no car in the garage any more huh. Heh. Of course I build my garage into a Guest house and then don't have shelter for my car when it HAILS. LOL.
So the weather was a nice diversion from the constant WAITING for the call. I mean you finally accept the fact that you're going to jump into this thing feet first, ugh 100% commission, and now I can't get the guy to return my call. I know my background check is clean...they're just busy 'cause it's the end of the month. But man, I seriously need something settled NOW. Shit is getting really close. Jess is gone in less than 2 months and I need to be ready to take all this over. The stress level is getting up there. This is just such a miserable time. I feel like I can't start ANYTHING until I have this secured. This, or any job is the foundation. It's the starting point - then you get everything else ready. God it sucks.
As well, everything is just building up. It's the slow 6 month build-up to what is going to be one of the worst days of my life:  helping Jess load the U-Haul and watching her drive away. I just don't know where I'm going to get the strength. The urge to join her in that truck is at times the strongest feeling I've ever known...only to know how I'd feel in Columbus would drive me insane. I just want it OVER. It needs to end. It needed to end in July when we decided it. It's to the point now where every moment is excruciating - because we're so goddamn HAPPY. As bad as you reading this can imagine this have no idea. It's unlike anything I've ever known. I don't believe for a minute I'm making the right decision and all I can see is unending loneliness and misery come January. I can't imagine December.
Well, there will be a moment in my life - when I bitch about having money. It will happen. I will bitch about how much more complicated life is with it, how many problems arise when you have it and I need you all to link me to this entry. This entry is what happens when you have no money. You have no freedom, you can make no choices, you are completely at the mercy of others.
So for cryin' out loud - someone return my goddamn phonecalls.