YouTube link added 02.06.09
10:14 AM, Sunday, October 24th, 2004:
As I watched the guy get the shit beat out of him, even wiping off some sweat and blood from our table, all I could think was:  "Am I really going to be a mortgage loan officer?"
It's these moments that make me never want to leave this city. The adventure that is "making it" in LA is like being in a town of make-believe. You play all these roles and keep scheming to get somewhere else. At the ring of a phone (or a ding of your Instant Message) you can be working for Showtime one week and selling mortgage loans the next. Both things that weren't even in the realm of possibilities the week before.
OK, so what the hell am I talking about? Marshall had a friend who works for Showtime that needed a production assistant for a boxing match on Showtime Friday. As well, it looks like I'm going to be a loan officer for (not putting name online!) thanks to a referral from a friend I made through the Chiropractor's office. Now if there's one thing I've never thought I'd be doing, it was selling anything. It's 100% commission and I know nothing about the industry. To most this would seem like a scary proposition, but this doesn't just need to work out - it has to. I have no other choice but to do this and do it so well that I'm successful. Everything relies on it. My back is completely up against the wall.
So as you can guess I didn't get the DVD menu-making gig. Well lemme take that back, it's still up in the air. Promise after promise to call, one more day, just give me this afternoon, Monday morning, next week I promise....whatever. If this is actually the person who normally hires people than I'm suprised anyone works there. I have no problem not getting the job, but at least TELL ME. I've never gotten more conflicting statements from a woman in my life and that (as someone who will be twice divorced in his 20's) is saying something. What a mind-fuck. And it couldn't have come at a worse time for me.
The past month has redefined depressing. Every aspect of my life is hell at this moment, and it won't let up until which point all new sorts of depression will just loom. Welcome to the amicable divorce. There's a reason you don't plan a divorce. You don't decide in July and leave in December. It's because it drives you fucking CRAZY. Every moment we spend together that's happy...well that's really a sad moment. And you go through the same feelings:  "PLEASE, DONT LEAVE JESS" or "I'LL COME WITH YOU." Then you remember that at a rational time you made this choice and you need to see it through. It never ends. Then again, we have a handful of weeks left - and we want to spend them with each other. It's like a psycho-Escher drawing that never ends. Throw in no job, this FUCKING ELECTION (which has truly effected me that much), and then this goddamn DVD lady. I swear man. And stop with the "it builds character" 'cause all it builds is fat deposits. I can seriously gain weight faster than any man alive unless I watch every, single, thing I eat. It's incredible. I expected 20 pounds with this divorce, but I'm about to meet my quota. LOL. Eh, that's an easy challenge. It's the least of my worries.
But now comes this "selling" job. Now I had an interview and again seemed to say the right things. I think he knows how hungry I am as most of my questions to him were:  What will keep someone from not succeeding her? And it's the same as everything. Not being dedicated - not giving everything. All things I've always done in any job. Add to all that, that my salary depends on Yeah, I'm gonna kill myself to make this happen. So he said he'd run a background check and have me meet the owner of the company - and I'll start after that. Knowing this city? I'll never hear from them again and end up teaching sky-diving classes for the next 40 years of my life. It's about as probable as anything... probable as watching that guy get his ass kicked on Friday. And just working behind the scenes for Showtime. It's funny, ususally I have all these feelings of angst because everything when I've worked behind the scenes before I wanted to be in front of the camera. My head was always filled with "How do I get THERE". Not so much here! LOL. Wasn't wanting to get my ass pummelled in a boxing ring. I think I had it just about right:  WATCHING IT.
Luckily I've been a boxing fan my whole life. I remember revelling in Tyson's power in the 80s back win the heavyweight division was "exciting". There's a rhythm to boxing that so many people disregard. It's an awesome sport, and far more complicated than most people understand. And watching it ringside? Wow. The look in the boxer's eyes is just awesome. It's like playing basketball one-on-one , yet if someone makes a good move they don't run past you - they punch you in the face. Ha.
Anyway, I enjoyed the night tremendously. I also got to play with those big-ass jib-arms they use for sweeping shots flying through the room - fuckin' WORD. I want to OWN this thing. LOL. Granted, $30,000 unnecessary for a toy - but WOW. WOW. I felt guilty for taking their money, but had a great time. It's certainly the type of work you can love to do like once or twice a year. The thrill goes away REALLY fast, but you pretty much have all the perks and none of the responsibility. Your responsibility is just helping people - getting a cup of coffee or making a copy...and just watch the fight. Heh. Too fun.
And before I go I wanted to say a few things about the song. I'm saying "Freedom Hate" not "Freedom, Hey!" <---that's funny as shit. The "Too young for Vietnam" line meant these soldiers don't remember the Vietnam war so you can tell them any reason to fight the war and they're probably not going to question it. It was NOT meant as a slight to the soldiers who I deeply respect. I'm angry FOR them, 'cause when all the details of this war come out - they're gonna feel completely stabbed in the back. "No Casualties" Bush? Classic. You fucking idiot. I hope you and Jesus are tight dude. You're gonna need his help.
And finally, Emeinem did write an anti-war song. Can you believe it! So glad he's willing to put himself on the line because of the seriousness of all this. Just downloaded it (It's called "mosh") and although I'm not really knocked out by the song the fact that he did it is awesome. Some good lines:
"Let the president answer on higher anarchy/Strap him with an AK-47, let him go fight his own war/Let him impress daddy that way ... No more blood for oil,''
...though I've always thought the "let the government fight" argument was pretty stupid. It's what you say when you're 16 in high school, completely worthless. Then again - it's his target audience, so it's probably a smart move. Either way - THANK YOU Eminem. And if Bush is re-elected, I hope this is the tip of the iceberg. Unfortunately, I think history will repeat itself. There's never been a sitting president removed during a war. It just doesn't happen. Somehow people think we'll be safer with him in office. LOL. The president's spin-tank is extraordinary.