As I watched
the guy get the shit beat out of him, even wiping off
some sweat and blood from our table, all I could think
was: "Am I really going to be a mortgage
loan officer?"
It's these moments
that make me never want to leave this city. The
adventure that is "making it" in LA is like being
in a town of make-believe. You play all these roles
and keep scheming to get somewhere else. At the ring
of a phone (or a ding of your Instant Message) you can
be working for Showtime one week and selling mortgage
loans the next. Both things that weren't even in the
realm of possibilities the week before.
OK, so what the
hell am I talking about? Marshall had a friend
who works for Showtime that needed a production
assistant for a boxing match on Showtime Friday. As
well, it looks like I'm going to be a loan officer for
(not putting name online!) thanks to a referral from a
friend I made through the Chiropractor's office. Now
if there's one thing I've never thought I'd be doing,
it was selling anything. It's 100% commission and
I know nothing about the industry. To most this
would seem like a scary proposition, but this doesn't
just need to work out - it has to. I have
no other choice but to do this and do it so well that
I'm successful. Everything relies on it. My back is
completely up against the wall.
So as you can
guess I didn't get the DVD menu-making gig.
Well lemme take that back, it's still up in the air.
Promise after promise to call, one more day, just give
me this afternoon, Monday morning, next week
I promise....whatever. If this is actually the
person who normally hires people than I'm suprised
anyone works there. I have no problem not getting the
job, but at least TELL ME. I've never gotten more
conflicting statements from a woman in my life and
that (as someone who will be twice divorced in his
20's) is saying something. What a mind-fuck. And it
couldn't have come at a worse time for me.
The past month has
redefined depressing. Every aspect of my life is hell
at this moment, and it won't let up until January...at
which point all new sorts of depression will just
loom. Welcome to the amicable divorce. There's a
reason you don't plan a divorce. You don't decide in
July and leave in December. It's because it drives you
fucking CRAZY. Every moment we spend together that's
happy...well that's really a sad moment. And you go
through the same feelings:
"PLEASE, DONT LEAVE JESS" or
"I'LL COME WITH YOU." Then you remember
that at a rational time you made this choice and you
need to see it through. It never ends. Then again, we
have a handful of weeks left - and we want to spend
them with each other. It's like a psycho-Escher
drawing that never ends. Throw in no job, this
FUCKING ELECTION (which has truly effected me
that much), and then this goddamn DVD lady. I swear
man. And stop with the "it builds character" 'cause
all it builds is fat deposits. I can seriously
gain weight faster than any man alive unless I watch
every, single, thing I eat. It's incredible.
I expected 20 pounds with this divorce, but I'm
about to meet my quota. LOL. Eh, that's an easy
challenge. It's the least of my worries.
But now comes this
"selling" job. Now I had an interview and
again seemed to say the right things. I think he
knows how hungry I am as most of my questions to
him were: What will keep someone from not
succeeding her? And it's the same as everything. Not
being dedicated - not giving everything. All things
I've always done in any job. Add to all that, that my
salary depends on it....wow. Yeah, I'm gonna kill
myself to make this happen. So he said he'd run a
background check and have me meet the owner of the
company - and I'll start after that. Knowing this
city? I'll never hear from them again and end up
teaching sky-diving classes for the next 40 years of
my life. It's about as probable as
anything...
...as probable as
watching that guy get his ass kicked on Friday. And
just working behind the scenes for Showtime. It's
funny, ususally I have all these feelings of angst
because everything when I've worked behind the scenes
before I wanted to be in front of the camera. My
head was always filled with "How do I get
THERE". Not so much here! LOL. Wasn't wanting
to get my ass pummelled in a boxing ring. I think
I had it just about right: WATCHING IT.
Luckily
I've been a boxing fan my whole life.
I remember revelling in Tyson's power
in the 80s back win the heavyweight
division was "exciting". There's a rhythm
to boxing that so many people disregard.
It's an awesome sport, and far more
complicated than most people understand.
And watching it ringside?
Wow. The look in the boxer's eyes is just
awesome. It's like playing basketball
one-on-one , yet if someone makes a good
move they don't run past you - they punch
you in the face. Ha.
Anyway,
I enjoyed the night tremendously. I also got
to play with those big-ass jib-arms they use for
sweeping shots flying through the room - fuckin' WORD.
I want to OWN this thing. LOL. Granted, $30,000
unnecessary for a toy - but WOW. WOW. I felt guilty
for taking their money, but had a great time. It's
certainly the type of work you can love to do like
once or twice a year. The thrill goes away
REALLY fast, but you pretty much have all the
perks and none of the responsibility. Your
responsibility is just helping people - getting a cup
of coffee or making a copy...and just watch the fight.
Heh. Too fun.
And before
I go I wanted to say a few things about the song.
I'm saying "Freedom Hate" not "Freedom, Hey!"
<---that's funny as shit. The "Too young for
Vietnam" line meant these soldiers don't remember the
Vietnam war so you can tell them any reason to fight
the war and they're probably not going to question it.
It was NOT meant as a slight to the soldiers who
I deeply respect. I'm angry FOR them, 'cause
when all the details of this war come out - they're
gonna feel completely stabbed in the back. "No
Casualties" Bush? Classic. You fucking idiot.
I hope you and Jesus are tight dude. You're gonna
need his help.
And finally,
Emeinem did write an anti-war song. Can you believe
it! So glad he's willing to put himself on the line
because of the seriousness of all this. Just
downloaded it (It's called "mosh") and although I'm
not really knocked out by the song the fact that he
did it is awesome. Some good lines:
"Let the president
answer on higher anarchy/Strap him with an AK-47, let
him go fight his own war/Let him impress daddy that
way ... No more blood for oil,''
...though I've
always thought the "let the government fight" argument
was pretty stupid. It's what you say when you're 16 in
high school, completely worthless. Then again - it's
his target audience, so it's probably a smart move.
Either way - THANK YOU Eminem. And if Bush
is re-elected, I hope this is the tip of the
iceberg. Unfortunately, I think history will
repeat itself. There's never been a sitting president
removed during a war. It just doesn't happen. Somehow
people think we'll be safer with him in office. LOL.
The president's spin-tank is
extraordinary.
