YouTube links added 02.06.09
9:44 PM, Monday, October 4th, 2004:
Sick sucks. Well, if I'm gonna be sick - make it outrageous. Make it dramatic man. Let me remember it. I see no point in just having no energy for a week. I've been home for a week and fighting a bit of a cold I got back in Ohio. Add to that Jess is recovering still from the appendectomy so we've redefined "slug" in the past 7 days.
It drives me a little mental though. I see a whole day pass before my eyes and I think "hell I could've built a wall today." LOL. Granted I've been on the productive streak of a lifetime, and a rest is certainly needed - but it eats at me when I'm actually home.
The good news though is I finally have an interview with the DVD Menu making company I mentioned before. After weeks of calling and haggling, everyone finally got the resume, the DVDs, and it was enough to warrant a sit-down. Man I've certainly been watching too many Sopranos lately haven't I. Anyway, the lady was really nice - we seemed to hit it off even on the phone. I'm absolutely certain that if she gives me enough time, she'll at least give me the chance. It doesn't seem like there's many people up for this.
The real kicker about it though is I'm perfect for it. All she kept saying was how much "attention to detail" is needed. The job seems to require every obsessive strength I have when it comes to computer work. I'm gonna print out the first page of for her to look at too. If that's not attention to detail, I don't know what is.
And the timing couldn't be anymore perfect. If I can pull this off, it'll help this transition period with Jess and I tremendously. We're in a bit of a scary place. As well, completely surreal again. The question of why we're doing this comes up daily and we always come up with the same answer. It just hurts. There's so much perfect about this relationship. It just kills me that this is happening. And it's just going to get worse. It's pretty much official that she's gonna be here until Christmas at which point her mom is gonna fly out and drive back across country with her. That's 3 months of...well happiness really. From her perspective, the pressure is off. She knows she's not going to live here so our time together is like a vacation. Whereas before it was this big BLOB over her head that kept her from ever being really happy.
Even worse is that I love the "happy Jess" to death. It's the woman I fell in love with and the woman I'd be with if I lived in Columbus. Man - fuckin shit this sucks. Sorry to be so crass but there's just no other way to say it. The next 3 months are gonna be a kick in the ass. These are the hardest days of the journey. I cannot tell you how badly I want to step off the plane back into LA: 2005 and actually be able to DEAL with all of this. It's just so much now.
And how is the Journey 4tvs show even going to be watchable? I've been tinkering with it and I must say that it's the challenge of a lifetime to give this any type of arc or "Story". I know the story is there. I know there's an inspirational, touching - even funny story within these 5 years, but goddamn if the depressing shit doesn't stand out right now. Probably a timing thing. Heh.
But a great example of the juxtaposition of the sad/funny in all of this is the last song, "Empty Walls". The second I finished the song I turned around and looked at the wall and said: "You know that wall was always empty...". Here, just watch the video. I mean the song is so sad, so REAL. I'm sitting in the empty room and just ad-libbed a song because the room felt lonely...and right as it ends - boom: joke.
That's what I need to capture in this show. Even though the journey seems to peak at the low-points, the highs come roaring back. It is the definition of roller-coaster and I just need to find the antidote to every sad moment.
Hell I think the best example of this is Swirlin' The Bowl. LOL - this one still makes me laugh. That song was the epitome of perfection to me when I made it. It looked and sounded exactly the way I felt at that moment. And the moment I realized it was perfect and I was happy as hell with what I produced, I realized it was the friggin' melody to In & Out. (In & Out is burger joint on the west coast). God that pissed me off...but it's really funny. Especially if I show people the commercial and let them realize the similarity.
Anyway, there's a lot of restless pacing to be had from now until the interview. Wish me luck.