YouTube link added 01.29.09
10:53 AM, Friday August 20th, 2004:
I woke up this morning, as I have every day I've had off and threw on my dirty shorts and a t-shirt and walked into the garage. Nah, it's the Guest House now. Anyway, I knew there was something to do...but alas - there wasn't. Gulp. Couldn't put the moulding for the door in or the base boards until the carpet was put in on Monday...Crowne moulding was already up. So uhm - there ya go. I was done. The room no longer needed me.
I was actually sad. How strange is that? I mean this from a guy who cursed every freakin' piece of drywall tape and spackle. Who couldn't get the goddamn crowne moulding right and had to spackle in between the pieces so the naked eye wouldn't be able to tell. Who sat in Home Depot for the 15th time in the past 2 weeks wondering when the hell it would ever pissed because it's done? I guess I have almost a fatherly feeling towards this room. Run with me on this...
It's like it was this shitty garage. In a million years you couldn't see it as a habitable place. The dust, the dirt in the rafters, the holes in the walls, the broken beams, the shitty garage door, the cracked cement floor. I helped it. I cleaned it up. I built it a nice wall. Gave it a window and a door, and even an air conditioner. I mended every hole. Painted it, gave it electricity... I honest-to-God loved that fuckin project like a kid. Why? 'Cause it needed me. It needed me to become a REAL room. And even though my bones and muscles have ached all month, and my hands just won't stop throbbing - that room was my responsibility, and now - it's just fine by itself. Sure the carpet will go in, and I'll put things in it - but it doesn't need me anymore. It really got to me.
So I grabbed my camera to show everyone that the room was indeed finished. Figured two shots of the front and back wall. When I loaded it into my computer and added a song that was in my head "Two Thousand Years" by Billy Joel - I straight-up started to cry. It might be the first time in my life I've ever sat at an editing timeline - moving pieces around while crying. Then I'd play a little bit with the music, boom - continue to cry. It just hits you. It's what I talked about in the previous entries leading up to this: I'm building my divorce. I felt it with every nail, and now that the nails are all pounded - boom it slams you. These shots, which were completely meant to show the nice crowne moulding, the paint, the window sil I made - actually shows a guy looking at his new life that at the moment is empty.
And if Shizzle isn't the greatest dog actor in the world - I mean the love he shows looking out the window with me, and then looking back at my face...whew, tearing up again. It feels like he's all I have in the world right now. Then the words in the song, I completely see through my father's eyes. How weird is it to watch your son 2500 miles away with a soundtrack out of a little window on your computer. The emotions are just sooooooooo strong. Incredibly heavy moment in my life; this video.
I'm amazed it can even be captured so easily.
Man I just watched it again - the window. Wow. Looking out the window. I swear guys - never planned ANY of this. I was Just looking out the window 'cause...well there's a window there. But the lighting, with both Shizzle and I lookin out... and what the empty room signifies, looking into the future - wow. It's just a powerful video. I love the discipline of "The Journey" and the art it creates. A lot of people don't get that about all of this. They have no idea how difficult it is to make a video for EVERY entry. What it does is it forces you to think differently. Which in turn creates the art of this entry's video. That's cool. The Journey rocks. The Journey is what keeps me going. And it's the thought of it ending, that keeps me from ever dreaming I could go back to Columbus.
Man, I'm really running out of April Fools fodder now aren't I. Heh.