I woke up this
morning, as I have every day I've had off and
threw on my dirty shorts and a t-shirt and walked into
the garage. Nah, it's the Guest House now. Anyway,
I knew there was something to do...but alas -
there wasn't. Gulp. Couldn't put the moulding for the
door in or the base boards until the carpet was put in
on Monday...Crowne moulding was already up. So uhm -
there ya go. I was done. The room no longer
needed me.
I was actually
sad. How strange is that? I mean this from a guy who
cursed every freakin' piece of drywall tape and
spackle. Who couldn't get the goddamn crowne moulding
right and had to spackle in between the pieces so the
naked eye wouldn't be able to tell. Who sat in Home
Depot for the 15th time in the past 2 weeks wondering
when the hell it would ever end...is pissed because
it's done? I guess I have almost a fatherly
feeling towards this room. Run with me on this...
It's like it was
this shitty garage. In a million years you couldn't
see it as a habitable place. The dust, the dirt in the
rafters, the holes in the walls, the broken beams, the
shitty garage door, the cracked cement floor. I helped
it. I cleaned it up. I built it a nice wall.
Gave it a window and a door, and even an air
conditioner. I mended every hole. Painted it,
gave it electricity... I honest-to-God loved that
fuckin project like a kid. Why? 'Cause it needed me.
It needed me to become a REAL room. And even
though my bones and muscles have ached all month, and
my hands just won't stop throbbing - that room was my
responsibility, and now - it's just fine by itself.
Sure the carpet will go in, and I'll put things in it
- but it doesn't need me anymore. It really got to
me.
So I grabbed
my camera to show everyone that the room was indeed
finished. Figured two shots of the front and back
wall. When I loaded it into my computer and added
a song that was in my head "Two Thousand
Years" by Billy Joel - I straight-up started to
cry. It might be the first time in my life I've ever
sat at an editing timeline - moving pieces around
while crying. Then I'd play a little bit with the
music, boom - continue to cry. It just hits you. It's
what I talked about in the previous entries
leading up to this: I'm building my divorce. I felt it
with every nail, and now that the nails are all
pounded - boom it slams you. These shots, which were
completely meant to show the nice crowne moulding, the
paint, the window sil I made - actually shows a guy
looking at his new life that at the moment is empty.
And if
Shizzle isn't the greatest dog actor in
the world - I mean the love he shows
looking out the window with me, and then
looking back at my face...whew, tearing up
again. It feels like he's all I have
in the world right now. Then the words in
the song, I completely see through my
father's eyes. How weird is it to watch
your son 2500 miles away with a soundtrack
out of a little window on your computer.
The emotions are just sooooooooo strong.
Incredibly heavy moment in my life;
this
video.
I'm amazed it can
even be captured so easily.
Man I just
watched it again - the window. Wow. Looking out the
window. I swear guys - never planned ANY of this.
I was Just looking out the window 'cause...well
there's a window there. But the lighting, with both
Shizzle and I lookin out... and what the empty
room signifies, looking into the future - wow. It's
just a powerful video. I love the discipline of "The
Journey" and the art it creates. A lot of people don't
get that about all of this. They have no idea how
difficult it is to make a video for EVERY
entry. What it does is it forces you to think
differently. Which in turn creates the art of this
entry's video. That's cool. The Journey rocks. The
Journey is what keeps me going. And it's the thought
of it ending, that keeps me from ever dreaming
I could go back to Columbus.
Man, I'm really
running out of April Fools fodder now aren't I.
Heh.
