Alright, so here
it is. The key to every locked entry with a quick
synopsis of why you should read it. There's a lot to
learn within those pages, so don't be a skimmer.
Unfortunately there's so many, that I felt it was
necessary to give a few words on each entry so they
aren't buried. It's unfortunate that they couldn't
have been spread out over 4 months, but it pretty much
all happened in a few short weeks. Your feedback is
greatly appreciated.
The entry that
took me nearly 8 months to write. Finally telling
everyone that we were splitting up mainly because of
the LA/Columbus thing. It was the first step in many,
and actually a fairly short entry. The video wasn't
meant to say Jess was giving up on me, just a strange
irony that I happened to tape 4 1/2 years
earlier.
Actually
considering going back to Columbus. Trying to rack my
brain on anything I could do that would keep me
from losing my mind. Gut-wrenching time. Love the
song. Very Tom Waitsish...but is exactly how
I felt.
Incredible entry.
Jess and I are leaning on working things out, but
I am still completely torn. I have the craziest
dream in the midst of it that may be the
definition of "writing on the wall". Must read. Song
was something I actually wrote last November and
wouldn't dream of posting it then.
The end. I finally
get so fed up with the cycle, and with everything so
obvious - I just say it's over. I had to just take
control and say: enough. The song, is intensely creepy
now, as I wrote it on the spot waiting for Jess
to come home thinking any second she would walk in -
and when I finished it, I loaded it in the
computer, she walked in and I told her. So the song is
literally 20 minutes before I say I just can't do
this. I just have a feeling in my heart that we'll end
up back in Columbus if we continue...
A very surreal
period of happiness between both of us while we
concentrate on all that needs to get done in the next
two months. The list is frightening to say the least.
The song touches on a lot of things. Basically - we're
not crying now, but we will be again. We will remain
friends and will never truly lose each other, but this
happy period will be short-lived.
And almost like
clockwork the next day I lose it as I drive
to work. I love Jess. I cannot believe this is
happening, and I don't want it to. I still
come to the same conclusion by the end of the song,
but it haunts me. The song is something
I initially wrote about Jess in 1998, and used
again here. The video is pretty cool - lotsa clues on
my desk to shit that's goin' on. Even a naked lady if
you look hard enough...
The urge to go
back with Jess in September is overwhelming and
I kinda lose my shit in the video. Good shit
people. Don't skip these.
Exact opposite of
last entry, feling great (why not it's been a WHOLE 24
hours) and feeling a little crazy. Jess is back in
Columbus and I'm fine with it. The song is probably my
favorite of them all. A reworking of a church
hymn I used to love as a kid.
Slap. The moment.
My final smack. I thought if Jess came back from
Columbus and felt she could do it - I would trust her
and have a child with her. A phone call to her breaks
my heart as she's excited about apartment
possibilities back home and having a great time.
I mean, I'm the one who wanted her to go back,
and I pushed this - but to have it slap you so
hard... I just knew she would want to stay
here... I just knew. The video is probably my favorite
in several years.
Best entry I've
ever written. Read every word, as it's my psyche in
one entry. Incredibly proud I got this
transformation recorded - and the song is done in our
garage, which is now going to become my home. Must
read.
The irony of
actually building your divorce rears it's head as I
start the construction of the subflooring in the
"guest house". Very fun entry. Shizzle
rules.
Both of our work
situations become crazy and I damn near kill myself
with the garage door. Must see entry and
video.
A pretty huge
entry in the journey that is my life. Asking the
question - am I just manipulating my reality for a
good story? Or am I taking what life deals me and
weaving it into a story. It's quite a question - and a
very difficult entry for me to write. You decide.
Video-wise - I have a floor!
Construction is
taking forever, the marriage looks like it's going to
drag on until 2005 and both Jess and I are losin
our minds. Jam filled entry complete with all sorts of
motivational shit and some good lines. Read me. Ahh -
video of me listening to the boyles while
I hammer upside down in the back breaking work
that is wall construction.
Finally the entry
where I say - FUCK THIS and unlock everything.
All about our anniversary as well as announcing the
dates of T3 and of course more lovely construction.
It's comin' together!
So there you have
it - the 15 locked entries from the summer of 2004.
Please don't skip em. Take a month to read em...but
don't skip them. The words and videos are as precious
to this Jounrey as anything that has ever
happened.
Ugh,
very tired - the rest of the ceiling is
tomorrow. Speaking of which - check out
the
video.
It's pretty goddamn dusty in the attic of
a 50 year old garage.
