YouTube link added 02.06.09
11:03 PM, Sunday August 15th, 2004:
Alright, so here it is. The key to every locked entry with a quick synopsis of why you should read it. There's a lot to learn within those pages, so don't be a skimmer. Unfortunately there's so many, that I felt it was necessary to give a few words on each entry so they aren't buried. It's unfortunate that they couldn't have been spread out over 4 months, but it pretty much all happened in a few short weeks. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.
The entry that took me nearly 8 months to write. Finally telling everyone that we were splitting up mainly because of the LA/Columbus thing. It was the first step in many, and actually a fairly short entry. The video wasn't meant to say Jess was giving up on me, just a strange irony that I happened to tape 4 1/2 years earlier.
Actually considering going back to Columbus. Trying to rack my brain on anything I could do that would keep me from losing my mind. Gut-wrenching time. Love the song. Very Tom Waitsish...but is exactly how I felt.
Incredible entry. Jess and I are leaning on working things out, but I am still completely torn. I have the craziest dream in the midst of it that may be the definition of "writing on the wall". Must read. Song was something I actually wrote last November and wouldn't dream of posting it then.
The end. I finally get so fed up with the cycle, and with everything so obvious - I just say it's over. I had to just take control and say: enough. The song, is intensely creepy now, as I wrote it on the spot waiting for Jess to come home thinking any second she would walk in - and when I finished it, I loaded it in the computer, she walked in and I told her. So the song is literally 20 minutes before I say I just can't do this. I just have a feeling in my heart that we'll end up back in Columbus if we continue...
A very surreal period of happiness between both of us while we concentrate on all that needs to get done in the next two months. The list is frightening to say the least. The song touches on a lot of things. Basically - we're not crying now, but we will be again. We will remain friends and will never truly lose each other, but this happy period will be short-lived.
And almost like clockwork the next day I lose it as I drive to work. I love Jess. I cannot believe this is happening, and I don't want it to. I still come to the same conclusion by the end of the song, but it haunts me. The song is something I initially wrote about Jess in 1998, and used again here. The video is pretty cool - lotsa clues on my desk to shit that's goin' on. Even a naked lady if you look hard enough...
The urge to go back with Jess in September is overwhelming and I kinda lose my shit in the video. Good shit people. Don't skip these.
Exact opposite of last entry, feling great (why not it's been a WHOLE 24 hours) and feeling a little crazy. Jess is back in Columbus and I'm fine with it. The song is probably my favorite of them all. A reworking of a church hymn I used to love as a kid.
Slap. The moment. My final smack. I thought if Jess came back from Columbus and felt she could do it - I would trust her and have a child with her. A phone call to her breaks my heart as she's excited about apartment possibilities back home and having a great time. I mean, I'm the one who wanted her to go back, and I pushed this - but to have it slap you so hard... I just knew she would want to stay here... I just knew. The video is probably my favorite in several years.
Best entry I've ever written. Read every word, as it's my psyche in one entry. Incredibly proud I got this transformation recorded - and the song is done in our garage, which is now going to become my home. Must read.
The irony of actually building your divorce rears it's head as I start the construction of the subflooring in the "guest house". Very fun entry. Shizzle rules.
Both of our work situations become crazy and I damn near kill myself with the garage door. Must see entry and video.
A pretty huge entry in the journey that is my life. Asking the question - am I just manipulating my reality for a good story? Or am I taking what life deals me and weaving it into a story. It's quite a question - and a very difficult entry for me to write. You decide. Video-wise - I have a floor!
Construction is taking forever, the marriage looks like it's going to drag on until 2005 and both Jess and I are losin our minds. Jam filled entry complete with all sorts of motivational shit and some good lines. Read me. Ahh - video of me listening to the boyles while I hammer upside down in the back breaking work that is wall construction.
Finally the entry where I say - FUCK THIS and unlock everything. All about our anniversary as well as announcing the dates of T3 and of course more lovely construction. It's comin' together!
So there you have it - the 15 locked entries from the summer of 2004. Please don't skip em. Take a month to read em...but don't skip them. The words and videos are as precious to this Jounrey as anything that has ever happened.
Ugh, very tired - the rest of the ceiling is tomorrow. Speaking of which - check out the video. It's pretty goddamn dusty in the attic of a 50 year old garage.