- 10:47 PM, Saturday
August 14th, 2004:
-
- 2001 - Beach and
Ca Del Sole
-
- 2002 - Horseback
Riding and Red Lobster
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- 2003 - Back to Ca
Del Sole, lobster sucked.
-
- 2004 - Seeing
dozens of human cadavers without their skin, showing
every muscle and ligament among other things - and
then having a steak dinner at Outback
Steakhouse.
-
- You just knew this
anniversary would be different.
-
- It's not like Jess
and I said: "This is our last anniversary so
let's make it mobid..." but it sure seems that way now
doesnt it? It's my fault really. I heard about this
exhibit at the California Center of Science and
Industry and was fascinated by it. This dude invented
a new (past decade or so) way of preserving the body
called "plasticining" that allows nearly perfect
preservation of muscle, ligaments, organs -
everything. So this guy decided to make posing figures
in different states of dissection...but like you've
never seen. Like an entire figure of just
muscles posed next to his own skeleton. Or a guy
completely in tact, just holding his skin in his right
hand. Or a few people made up entirely of the
circulatory system. I mean we've all seen drawings
like this - but to see actual people like this...it's
JAW dropping. Ooh I found a picture of the
guy and his skin:
-
 -
It looks all fake
there, but rest assured it's highly real - and highly
fascinating. Can't say enough about it. I mean
just to see how the muscles and ligaments work and
look with a guy in a running position...or playing
basketball. Intense. Totally worth a trip to LA to see
the exhibit - runs until the end of January.
-
- Now I see this and
honest to goodness....I wanted steak. I'm not trying
to be disgusting, but when I saw one of the athletic
basketball playing cadavers with long lean pec
muscles...I thought: "that's a good piece of
meat....been awhile since I've had steak." LOL. I'm
very twisted. That or I'm just really in touch with
what it is I'm eating - and it doesn't bother me.
Muscle tastes good. Can you tell I'm
stalling?
-
- (sigh) Obviously
this entry isn't about steak. And truly, the
strangeness of my day with Jess is about the only
thing that can top a guy holding his entire body of
skin in his right hand. The last
anniversary...
-
- First off -
there's no gifts, no cards...Hallmark hasn't really
come up with that one yet. We want to spend time
together, but at this point anything more to remember
the day by just hurts. Whereas we've been able to joke
the past couple of weeks, our anniversary has always
been special - and it just hurts.
-
- Secondly,
conversation on this day is borderline schizophrenic.
We're sooooooooooo happy together. Every happy moment
begets the question "why is this happening?" in
my head. Every loving moment is hammered by reality.
We bring something up...and then think or say: "Oh
yeah, there is no next year". It's
just...shitty.
-
- And finally,
underneath every emotion - lies anger. We're both hurt
by each other's actions when you truly break it all
down. I cannot believe she won't stay, she cannot
believe I won't go. Doesn't change the fact that it's
true, and the alternative options are more miserable,
but we're both hurt. And dragging this all out...our
heads can't rest. We spend 10 minutes talking like the
soulmates of the year and I just want to grab her and
SCREAM for her to STAY. Stay with me....or just GO
already. Let me mourn this. It's impossible to truly
deal with any of this when we're so goddamn happy with
each other. I mean who wouldn't want to spend the
evening with their wife on their 4 year anniversary of
a beautiful day? How schizophrenic is that? It's
gut-wrenching.
-
- And it just sucks
even more that it all comes down to money. If we had
it, we'd be able to seperate and keep our heads. If we
had it, I could hire people to make the guest house
rather than racing with the sun every moment of free
time by myself. If we had it, we wouldn't be trying to
work down a few thousand dollars of debt together
before it gets really difficult to deal with
seperately. Money = power and options unfortunately,
and you just have to make do with what you have. It's
crazy, I can do the subflooring, the flooring, the
wall, the window and doors, the drywall, the ceiling
and insulation, buy an air conditioner and all the
fuh-reakin' nails and wood, by myself for under $1000
and hiring someone for one day to do the electric ends
up being another $1000. (sigh). To install 6 friggin'
outlets. (sigh again). And hell after watching them, I
honest to god could've done 85% of it. Live and learn
I guess. Seriously, after redoing the bathroom and
this - I could build my own goddamn house. It's
incredible how much of it is common sense.
-
- In Trinitron news,
I finally have the dates:
-
- 8 PM -
Thursday, September 2nd, 2004 - Third Stage -
T3 premiere and
DVD taping
-
- 8 PM -
Friday, September 24th, 2004 - Columbus -
DVD release
party.
-
- I had
actually booked Thursday, August 26th for the
"FINAL DIRTY SHOW" but the interest was pretty
low. Everyone I told about the two shows said:
"Ok, that's great but...the NEW one is on the
2nd, right?" (sigh). I think when given the option of
two nights to devote support to, they're always gonna
pick what's new even if they've never seen the other
stuff - and rarely will they devote 2 nights!
Insanity! I have to really pack the night I'm taping
the DVD so the dirty show will have to wait. Yes,
there is the smalllllllllllllllllllllll option of
doing all 3 shows back to back to back but the
audience will be whooped after the first 2, and
I need 'em fresh for the DVD. Besides - 90
minutes is quite a while to sit, especially if most of
these people have seen the first HOUR of the show
several times before.
-
- Damnit,
I just remembered this is locked. DAMNIT. No,
it's time. I'll stay mum about Jess's work stuff right
now, but everyone knows about the divorce by this
point - and I can't lock every damn entry for the
rest of the year. I'll open the vault...sucks though -
so much will be buried. I swear some of the best
entries I've ever written are stuck in July. Maybe I
should do a synopsis of everything so people can see
what each entry is about and what the songs mean. It's
a shame for everyone to skim over what has to be the
most intense month of my life. Alright, so it all gets
unlocked...
-
- ...tomorrow.
-
- Adam
-
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