(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
9:18 PM, Sunday, December 30th, 2007:
Considering it could be helpful to policeman after my mysterious death, I certainly don't mention it too often... but I get a ridiculous amount of death threats for a guy who made an anti-war cartoon. In fact I'd say 75% of the emails I get from people that don't know me are of this nature:
"fuckin bitch im gonna fuckin murder u, fuckin racist sack of shit, go fuck bush u fuckin bitch, go hang yourself u mother fucking asshole"
I usually respond with "It's anti-war sir. I'm against the bombing of Iran"... but of course it's to no avail as the language barrier that caused the confusion to begin with usually continues. And all of this happens weekly...
"fuck you dumbass creator of this fuckin video u kno y u made this? is cuz u dont got a life white piece of shit y dont u say this to me come up to me and say this see what the fuck happens to you"
Do they teach "American Hate Speech" in Middle Eastern schools? Seriously, I'd be hard pressed to write an email like this not in my native language. One more for fun:
"u fucking asshole go fuck yourself
im iranian
i should fucking sew your ass"
I was actually quite impressed here as that would indeed be a hellish way to die. Ass sewing is a new one on me. :-) Then again, why the hell do we spell "sue" the way we do?

So imagine my surprise when I opened my YouTube inbox last week (expecting the worst of course), and it wasn't a description of my coming torturous death. It was someone who had seen my "Shizzle Memorial". I've been putting up several past Journey Videos on the site and this person just happened upon that one. What I was about to read not only hit me like a ton of bricks (I can't even read it now without crying), I think it has actually healed me in a way:

I hope you don't mind that I am sending this poem to you.
I hope it comforts you whenever you think of your heart dog.
Weep not for me though I am gone, into that gentle night.
Grieve if you will but not for long, upon my souls sweet flight.
I am at peace, my soul's at rest. There is no need for tears.
For with your love I was blessed, for all those many years.
There is no pain, I suffer not. The fear now all is gone.
Put now these things out of your thoughts. In your memory I live on.
Remember not my fight for breath, remember not the strife.
Please do not dwell upon my death, but celebrate my life.
May Shizzle always be in your heart. I think its wonderful that he is with
you on your property. To be able to visit with him everday is priceless.
I am completely doin' the "sniffle" crying that 5 year olds do right now. This is such a peculiar pain for me. It hits me so hard. And the whole "taking the voice of the dog" aspect of that poem just touches everything that hurts so bad about Shizzle. The fight for breath line actually hurts my chest as I specifically wrote about how bad that was when I held him as he passed.


The day after I read that poem I was thinking about it... and I smiled. I thought of how wonderful Shizzle was and completely focused on how much love I had for him. All the anger I spoke about the month before on the year anniversary wasn't there.


Another day passed and I could almost feel myself "heal"...



...and a week later, I gotta say - the anger isn't there. I just love him. He was a wonderful part of my life, this journey, my videos, my songs... and he still makes me laugh:
So I figured I'd find some pictures that I've never posted before and show him off one more time. I enjoy the process honestly and he really was an incredibly funny and personable dog.
As well, the tandem of Roxy and Shizzle really just feels right. They were the same size, same age... they really were partners in crime...
This is one of those "click on me I'm HUGE" pics that you gotta click and scroll.... (1630x600)
...and of course my mailman was always on the lookout for 'em:
CeBe literally uses Roxy like a chew toy, and will continue to for probably another year until she starts to chill the hell out a bit. Roxy is counting the days. :-)
So just a huge thank you to Andro who sent me that. Hopefully this entry gives you an idea of just how much you touched my life.
And before I go, one more pictorial of the beloved pup trying desperately to eat a bug.
Not quite, Shiz.
Heh. Ten bucks says you're losin' this battle.
You showed him indeed. ;-)
Rest in peace lover-pupper.