(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
entry unlocked
05.20.09
12:33 AM, Tuesday,
August 28th, 2007:
Sweet Jesus I am
absolutely floored. Maybe I'm floored that
I expected anything else...
Not
one word from anyone at CBS. This whole
season nothing from my supervisor,
producer, boss, people that upload the
bits, anyone involved... nothing. I am in
a complete vacuum. I produce, produce,
produce - raise the bar continually higher
and higher... to a point I can barely
keep up with: and not a word. Chris, an
old college friend actually brought up the
comparison: "Is CBS still actin' like
Darryl?"
And there it
was... the perfect analogy. I made the analogy to WTVN
before with this job - but it was with the freedom
I had. I felt like I was the kid at 19 given
free reign to "be me" on tin a radio station... once
again 10 years later but in the playground of a
TV station. Now the analogy comes full circle
with playing in complete and utter anonymity. The
people like it, the work is great - hell even the
papers were writing about it in Columbus... but no one
would give me any feedback at WTVN. The better it got
- the less they responded...had bigger fish to fry -
and here I am again. Sorry, rant coming
up:
How for the love
of FUCK do you not email: "nice" at the very LEAST to
me after seeing that Young & the Restless bit?
How? What do I have to DO? I'm not asking for a
raise, a better position - nothing. I'm asking you to
acknowledge that I exist. Any CLUE how hard that
piece was? How much had to go right for that to be
pulled off? Is anyone at CBS working this hard? I
feel like an inmate in an asylum a step away from
finally throwing a fit - screaming and breaking shit -
just to get a reaction. With Darryl, it was "Lurid"
(Darryl backwards...kinda) a song I wrote about
him ignoring me. Of course that situation was at least
a bit more hands on. I worked in the same
building. We did meet about Cannon at least. He just
could give two shits about my show...
...here it is a
complete vacuum. I'm on the other side of the country
and no one bothers to even call. Ever. An email is the
only means of communication - and I can't even
get that. I am just beside myself. And I really
am shocked. I believed wholeheartedly when I woke
up this morning that I would have an email. Hell I
even emailed Nanci DIRECTLY, TWICE, with the YouTube
link and everything. Nada. This entry's video should
be me banging my head against the wall. How is it
possible to stay this anonymous doing work like
I do? I mean fucking hell - some kid doing
4screens on youtube gets a million hits - and my egos
shows get seen by 65 people. It's as if my affiliation
with CBS has made me "corporate" so people don't
realize I'm doing it ALLLLLLLLLL BY MYSELF
on my computer at HOME.
DAHHHHHHHHHHH.
I kept
refreshing my email all goddamn day until about 5 PM
(8PM NY time) and at that point I just wanted to
get drunk. I'm not sure there's a shittier feeling as
an artist then to finally make the best art you've
ever accomplished...and have everyone turn their
backs. LOL. It's like finally making the perfect song
and no one will hit play. It's not even like that -
dude I WORK for CBS. Actually, I work
for CBS news... but goddamnit why can't something
just fucking happen? Why do I have to beg, claw,
scratch - constantly. Why the fuck isn't Charlotte
doing anything? Am I wrong to think she should
be? I mean do I have to get a copy to Drew Carey
next week like some fan who snuck into the building
just to get any attention?
DAHHHHHHHHHHH
x2.
This is pointless.
In fact, I think what's even more painful - is that
I'd be bummed if all I got was a "nice". Truth be told
I want so much more than a fucking one word
email...and the fact that I can't even get THAT puts
me over the edge. I want to keep saying that I'll
laugh about this someday. But this is a pattern for a
dozen years that is just making me batshit. Granted,
the fact that I'm even at CBS means someone
listened... but now that I'm here - can you please
fucking reply. I'm SO SICK OF THIS.
Hard work and determination means dick sometimes.
Talent, a great product? Nothing. You need someone
selling you non-stop and Charlotte is clearly not that
person.
CALLING ALL AGENTS and
MANAGERS. For the love of fuck. And yet what did
I do all day Monday? Work on the Up &
Adam Open. Of course I did. I will labor over it for 3
weeks and it'll fly by in 15 seconds - no one will
care.
Darryl, Darryl,
Darryl - the voodoo you do is quite
impressive.
