(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
blacked out until 06.02.07,
locked until 12.24.07 &
Wednesday, May 23rd 2007:
It's unreal how it
still hurts you at such a unique place that it's
indescribeable...even if you saw it coming. When it
finally happens a part of you aches and you just never
get used to it. I knew in NY that this whole thing was
flawed and tried desperately to tell everyone before
we made fools of ourselves. I was politely told
to keep out, they knew what they were doing. And now
we've got nothing.
that I didn't make much headway. It's not as easy
as I thought it would be to get even the stations
to give up an hour for our pilots. We should
regroup and figure out how to
God love the man
for being honest. I gotta say, I think
I will end up liking Vinnie a bunch when it's all
said and done because in the end he's just trying to
help and create something. Had it not been presented
to me in the fashion it was in February there would be
no ill will. Of course it doesn't change the fact that
I knew goddamn good and well that the approach
they were taking had no chance of working.
I just have
to say it man - WHY ME? At some point you just
have to step back and go - are you fucking kidding me?
Who has this happen to them. A meeting with CBS in LA
on February 10th saying:
"THE HEAD OF LATE NIGHT WANTS TO GIVE YOU YOUR OWN SHOW AFTER FERGUSEN".
No ifs, ands or buts about it. And it ends up it means
about as much as my MOM wanting to give me a show
that LOOONG month of preparing for
that. GOD that month. Then finding
out Vinnie wants to start on TV then
move to the internet? Then this - THEM
realizing of course that's never happening
and now I'm left with just the internet
show? Which I haven't even thought about
honestly - but
WHERE'S THE MONEY for that?
Seriously, what the hell is the budget for
that? GOD THE INTERNET is
maddening. Every network is scared
shitless of it and somehow downplay just
how powerful their own medium
STILL IS. GAHHHHHHH.
And that's it. All
of this, all the phone calls to friends - all the
hours and hours of wonderment and joy - erased. A
letdown so monumental it just doesn't register...it
changes you. This is monumental AFTER Aspen, AFTER
America's Got Talent, AFTER Olbermann... This was my
own late night talk show from the head of late night
at CBS. And it was a complete pipe-dream. How much
more can you take? How many more times do I do
this before I say fuck it, get a real job, and
have a family? Whew...
Anyway this is
just coupled with a day of hell on the contract side.
You know what's worse than no one returning your call?
When they finally do contact you they tell you
something bad. 50% of the computer period...and the
new contract FINALLY comes... and it's fucking
IDENTICAL to the last one. Are you fucking
kidding me. I'm worth the exact same to you as
I was before you saw ONE EGOS episode?
Nothing in there seemed as if I was going above
and beyond? Nothing about me always being on time and
delivering an incredible product under budget screamed
that maybe you would want to show something in good
faith? I mean I still haven't fucking been paid
for OKLAHOMA. YOU FUCKS. God this is a locked
entry. LOL. But seriously - how do they expect someone
to react? I shouldn't have even gotten on the plane to
Oklahoma! I didn't have a contract! I didn't
get a contract until MAY 11TH and again, still
haven't been paid. My computer has MELTED from
all the stress meeting THEIR timeline and now
I have to invest to do their PROJECT? I will make
less this time than last? I'm already bleeding guys,
you don't need to keep sticking it in.
And ya know what?
I'll do it. I'll FUCKING do it. I will do anything
they ask because not only am I now in debt up to
my ears because of the harddrive, the new computer,
and the $50,000 to buy Jess out - what other career
options do I have? ?!?!?! Nothing. I have no
choices and they know it. And now with Up & Adam
being Up & Away I hold even less value to them. At
least if we got the funding for that I could stand my
ground...now I have nothing. How do things turn so
quickly? And when am I ever going to be able to afford
health insurance for a FAMILY which now...is what I
really want. At what point does this stupid
"Journey" become irresponsible, self-absorbant
Many would say the
moment I chose it over Jessica. That's when I went too
far. Only time will tell I guess.
LOCKED. Goddamn I hate locked