(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
blacked out until 06.02.07 & YouTube link added 12.26.07
9:35 AM, Tuesday, May 1st, 2007:
Stupid trusting Adam. I swear man, it's a wonder I leave the house sometimes. What is it in me that always sees the best in people, always pulls for the underdog and always gives people not only enough rope to hang themselves...but to also take me down as well. Christ am I heartbroken by this news.
At my worst financial time, when I just added $450 a month from buying out Jess, when I am in limbo with CBS, right as I'm leaving for Oklahoma I see all of the roomie's stuff packed (not Donna, the other one). I call him and he's leaving in less than a week. No 30 day notice, not a word of it though he's known for weeks - just a "oh by the way, the $650 you were relying on in a couple days... gone"
To add insult to injury, he decides to act like he did tell me a month ago during an April Fools Day joke which just made me lose my shit. He was havin' fun all day telling people he got some girl pregnant, told me he was leaving - nothing was working for him. When he told me I said, you HAVE to tell me tomorrow buddy - I won't believe you today. Tomorrow came and went with no word. He then got an extra gig house-sitting which always brings in bucks for him and was able to take a week off from work and fly back home to see his grandmother. Things seemed good from my end.
Strangely I even mentioned to him (as I had for months) that I had no problem with him finding another place...he just had to give me 30 days. I didn't take a security deposit, didn't make him sign anything, even gave him $50 off his first month just because he looked like a guy who needed a break - but he HAD to give me 30 days as I needed time to get someone else in. I told him this ALL during April several times. I even mentioned that it didn't have to be the first of the month, I'd totally work it out - even said that if I found someone SOONER than those 30 days I'd happily pro-rate the money for him! He always just shook his head.
Long story short, after him continually lying to my face after I confronted him last week he admitted that he didn't secure a place until literally a couple days previous and that's why he didn't tell me. He wanted to make sure he had a place before he told me. That didn't come until the end of the month - so: "Oh well, nevermind the 30 days. Adam can deal with the -$1100 come May 1st without some arbitrary $650 he's expecting from me."
The thing is - my fault for trusting a tenant, and of course a tenant is gonna fuck you any way possible. You have to expect the worst from people in that sense... but he was not only my friend - he was a brother to me. The hours I spent trying to help him through his journey, loving him uconditionally, rooting for him as a friend, as a fan - it was one of the only times I ever had that with a guy truth be told. Every guy friend I've ever had has always been superficial shit like videogames and sports because no guy I've ever known won't touch the real shit. That's why I've always been friends with girls - at least they can see things on different levels and aren't afraid to "Go there". They also have spectacular body parts that allow for all sorts of possibilities. Heh. But again, I figured I would know him for the rest of my life. I never, ever, ever believed he would do this. I mean, it was honestly the only thing I ever asked of him: "Give me 30 days" I think I said it 3 times a month since September. Unbelieveable.
He knows what he did, he knows that I would've helped him in any situation. If he had given me 30 days and I got someone else in there and he hadn't secured a place yet, I would've let him stay in the 2nd bedroom in the house. I cared about him more than he'll probably ever imagine and I just won't be able to get that trust back from an "I'm sorry". It's certainly the "Fool me once..." paradigm. Over time maybe I'll think he'll have grown up and can trust him again - but I have a feeling it'll take a lot of life lessons from his perspective to understand how rare my feelings for him were in this city. You won't find people like me in LA. I cared about him, not as a means to further my career, but simply as a brother who wanted what was best for him.
Brother, I will watch you from afar. From over the water. I can't stop my heart from caring about you, but my bridge was certainly made of wood. I'm sorry you were careless with it. I'm also sorry that you have to have some stupid Journey Song about all of this. LOL. What can I say, it's how I operate. There's an entry, there's a video. I suck ass at bass, but I figured I had to make the video as obvious as possible since the entry will most likely be locked for awhile. I pray you find the tools to help me rebuild the bridge.
Did you think I wouldn't burn?
Did you think I wouldn't flame?
Did you really think you'd set me on fire and walk right on by?
Did y think I wouldn't burn?
Is your life so full of love?
...that you had enough to spare?
Did you really think that I'd be open for traffic again?
Did you think I wouldn't burn?
Guess it doesn't matter which,
Genitalia that you wear,
'Cause all I'll always let abusers take a turn - but I must ask:
Did you think I wouldn't burn?