(click the picture above for
the high definition
video - but also click
YouTube
for me!)
blacked out until 06.02.07
& YouTube
link added
12.26.07
9:35 AM, Tuesday,
May 1st, 2007:
Stupid trusting
Adam. I swear man, it's a wonder I leave the house
sometimes. What is it in me that always sees the best
in people, always pulls for the underdog and always
gives people not only enough rope to hang
themselves...but to also take me down as well. Christ
am I heartbroken by this news.
At my worst
financial time, when I just added $450 a month
from buying out Jess, when I am in limbo with CBS,
right as I'm leaving for Oklahoma I see all of
the roomie's stuff packed (not Donna, the other one).
I call him and he's leaving in less than a week.
No 30 day notice, not a word of it though he's known
for weeks - just a "oh by the way, the $650 you were
relying on in a couple days... gone"
To add
insult to injury, he decides to act like
he did tell me a month ago during an April
Fools Day joke which just made me lose my
shit. He was havin' fun all day telling
people he got some girl pregnant, told me
he was leaving - nothing was working for
him. When he told me I said, you HAVE
to tell me tomorrow buddy - I won't
believe you today. Tomorrow came and went
with no word. He then got an extra gig
house-sitting which always brings in bucks
for him and was able to take a week off
from work and fly back home to see his
grandmother. Things seemed good from my
end.
Strangely
I even mentioned to him (as I had for
months) that I had no problem with him finding
another place...he just had to give me 30 days.
I didn't take a security deposit, didn't make him
sign anything, even gave him $50 off his first month
just because he looked like a guy who needed a break -
but he HAD to give me 30 days as I needed time to
get someone else in. I told him this ALL during
April several times. I even mentioned that it didn't
have to be the first of the month, I'd totally work it
out - even said that if I found someone SOONER
than those 30 days I'd happily pro-rate the money for
him! He always just shook his head.
Long story short,
after him continually lying to my face after
I confronted him last week he admitted that he
didn't secure a place until literally a couple days
previous and that's why he didn't tell me. He
wanted to make sure he had a place before he told me.
That didn't come until the end of the month - so: "Oh
well, nevermind the 30 days. Adam can deal with the
-$1100 come May 1st without some arbitrary $650 he's
expecting from me."
The thing is - my
fault for trusting a tenant, and of course a tenant is
gonna fuck you any way possible. You have to expect
the worst from people in that sense... but he was not
only my friend - he was a brother to me. The hours
I spent trying to help him through his journey,
loving him uconditionally, rooting for him as a
friend, as a fan - it was one of the only times
I ever had that with a guy truth be told. Every
guy friend I've ever had has always been superficial
shit like videogames and sports because no guy I've
ever known won't touch the real shit. That's
why I've always been friends with girls - at least
they can see things on different levels and aren't
afraid to "Go there". They also have spectacular body
parts that allow for all sorts of possibilities. Heh.
But again, I figured I would know him for the rest of
my life. I never, ever, ever believed he would do
this. I mean, it was honestly the only thing
I ever asked of him: "Give me 30 days" I think I
said it 3 times a month since September.
Unbelieveable.
He knows what he
did, he knows that I would've helped him in any
situation. If he had given me 30 days and I got
someone else in there and he hadn't secured a place
yet, I would've let him stay in the 2nd bedroom in the
house. I cared about him more than he'll probably ever
imagine and I just won't be able to get that trust
back from an "I'm sorry". It's certainly the "Fool me
once..." paradigm. Over time maybe I'll think he'll
have grown up and can trust him again - but
I have a feeling it'll take a lot of life lessons
from his perspective to understand how rare my
feelings for him were in this city. You won't find
people like me in LA. I cared about him, not as a
means to further my career, but simply as a brother
who wanted what was best for him.
Brother,
I will watch you from afar. From over the water.
I can't stop my heart from caring about you, but my
bridge was certainly made of wood. I'm sorry you were
careless with it. I'm also sorry that you have to have
some stupid Journey
Song
about all of
this. LOL. What can I say, it's how
I operate. There's an entry, there's a video. I
suck ass at bass, but I figured I had to
make the video as obvious as possible since the entry
will most likely be locked for awhile. I pray you find
the tools to help me rebuild the bridge.
Adam
Did you
think I wouldn't burn?
Did you
think I wouldn't flame?
Did you
really think you'd set me on fire and walk right on
by?
Did y think
I wouldn't burn?
Is your life
so full of love?
...that you
had enough to spare?
Did you
really think that I'd be open for traffic
again?
Did you
think I wouldn't burn?
Guess it
doesn't matter which,
Genitalia
that you wear,
'Cause all
I'll always let abusers take a turn - but
I must ask:
