(click the picture above for the high definition video - but also click YouTube for me!)
Unlocked 01.28.09 - YouTube link Added 01.28.09
11:07 PM, Wednesday, March 7th, 2007:
The good news is... I still have a heartbeat.
That is what I can be thankful for tonight. Everything I thought and was told was wrong. That or Vinnie just threw everyone a curveball. This is for a weekly internet show, not TV.
Yes, you read that correctly. But he wants to do 5 shows on the air at 1:30 to promote the weekly internet show, showing how serious they are about the internet. As if only the worldwide web is big enough to contain this, television is too small. He wants to pack those 5 shows that are on the air with every favor he can pull. Big names like Aerosmith and Foo Fighters. He wants it to be all bands, not celebs. My ideas, although well liked, seemed almost inconsequential. My symbolic premonition was dead-on: I was slapped in the face with a freezing cold, harsh truth...
...of course I haven't the fuckiest idea what that truth is. LOL. I don't understand this, I don't see the business model, I don't see how this gets budgeted (as he doesn't have that power, we have to pitch to others) and I have a completely negative feeling about this. However, I won't be involved in the pitches, Steve and Vinnie are using the DVD I made, which means - my feelings on all this don't really hamper the progress of this. I now wait until they get the money and the focus on those 5 shows. 5 shows I don't believe will ever see the air of CBS Network television.
Why? We're completely circumventing Worldwide Pants for some reason. Letterman and Worldwide Pants OWN latenight. Nothing goes on with out Letterman's approval. Not 5 shows, not 5 minutes. When I asked about them, he said - "Oh unless Dave or Worldwide Pants discover you...you're never getting that slot. Andy Kibler would get it before you" (a comedian Letterman likes and has on his show quite often.) My reply was then: "Let's make them discover me" I'm a nobody - why taint the timeslot with a 5 night advertisement for an internet show (which still makes zero sense to me), let's go through the proper channels. He's certain it won't work that way - and this is the only way anything will ever get done. He is the head of CBS latenight, if that's what he says, I have no other options with CBS to get another answer.
I'm curious however, how the hell you can have that job for nearly 15 years and yet have no standing with the production company that runs latenight? The mind reels at what exactly that means. And of course, holy shit - what changed? I wasn't hearing things on the 10th when Nanci told me that and something tells me, neither was she when Vinnie told her. She talked about 6-8 stations at first, sell it to more affiliates, ALWAYS a latenight TV show. So there is an enormous communication breakdown somewhere. Over the next several days I'm sure I'll find out.
After lunch we all went to Friedman's office and Vinnie told the idea to Steve and Steve said:  "That's great!" Now they move onto budgeting and sponsorships, working on the owned and operated affiliates (13) getting the "favor" of 5 nights on some week in the summer, and pulling off more favors with these enormous rock bands. I gotta tell the truth, it all sounds like a pipe-dream. No one in their right mind would fund this idea for an absolute NO-NAME. Not with it ending up on the internet. And Aerosmith is not playing Up & Adam. Come fucking on already. And there's no way we're putting 5 shows after Fergusen without Letterman approval. Granted, we can do it on a week when he's dark maybe - but still. None of this makes sense to me.
What does make sense however, is the past 4 weeks need to be erased from my memory. Not a time to find fault, or blame anyone - I swear to you I think Nanci was just as shocked as I was at this luncheon. She's a lawyer, she knows exactly what she told me. But either way, I have to try and forget all those highs for the time being or I am literally going to pull a Britney. I know I said "No matter what the fate is, I'm alright" - but I knew that this offer was life changing and it did change my life. Going back to being happy about The Journey (which this offer has completely locked) is nearly impossible. The depression I'm gonna experience is gonna get really, really deep if I don't... fuck who am I kidding. I have to strip down to everything emotionally to get past this. I have to go as low as I feel, take in that feeling and wallow in it a bit. Then I'll be able to start from scratch and be happy about the little things again.
I mean, fuck, I'm on national television tomorrow - I don't have time to lock myself in this hotel room and lie in the fetal position (which I will most certainly do after the television appearence as it's still 12 degrees here). Hopefully I'll be able to talk with Steve and Nanci tomorrow and get a few answers. That's the real problem with all of this. I came out to this praying for answers to all my questions that had built up for 4 weeks... now there's more questions than answers. Nothing is concrete, nothing is set in stone - and I don't have an ounce of faith in what Vinnie is describing to me. Steve always talks about having to get the internet to funnel money back to TV. There's no money in internet, it's a necessary evil, the money is the ad revenue on TV. So what the fuck is this model? The opposite. Oh they'll be writing the checks for this in a heartbeat.
I think I'm gonna go anti-Britney. Gonna grow a beard and my hair. Barack-obama-lakim stye. That makes no sense, but I meant muslim and though Barack isn't muslim - it's funny to replace his name in the "A Salom a lakim" or however you spell it. Rule of thumb, if you're explanation of a joke is 5 times longer than the joke, you've failed as a comedian.
Why do I still have a sense of humor today? Ahh yes, it hasn't really sunk in yet. If the past is any indicator - the true realization of how wretched this is will hit me around May.
God this is depressing. Here's to tomorrow...
The video which was once funny, is now just morbid. I was so nervous this morning that I decided to play a trick on Marty to get a good laugh. Told him they cancelled and they weren't interested. At the time it was hilarious. They hadn't cancelled, they were interested. We laughed and laughed. Now however... not too funny. But, it's the appropriate Journey video, no matter how embarrassing to me now.